Friday, May 25, 2007

CARDINAL SIN: You have got to be Josh'ing Me!

What is the world coming to when a drunk driver's parents are suing the bar that provided their son drinks on the night of his fatal accident? What a novel concept, a bar decided to serve alcohol to a drunk guy. Who would have thought this type of behavior was allowed? For those who have not heard, Josh Hancock's parents are suing the restaurant where their son was drinking the night of his accident. But it gets much better than that. The restaurant they are suing is Mike Shannon's Restaurant, who was a longtime Cardinal's broadcaster and played on three Cardinals World Series teams in the 1960's. If suing Mike Shannon was not enough, the parents have taken the "kitchen sink" approach and also sued: his daughter (the restaurant manager), Eddie's Towing (the company whose flatbed tow truck was struck by Hancock's vehicle), tow truck driver Jacob Edward Hargrove, and Justin Tolar (the driver whose stalled car on Interstate 64 was being assisted by Hargrove). Also, Kantack said "others could be added later as defendants in the suit. He declined to speculate on whether the Cardinals or Major League Baseball could be added to the suit..." For what? Can you imagine getting your ass kicked in a drunken bar fight over the weekend, and then deciding to sue your crappy job on Monday morning? Although this might be a great concept for each of us individually, I do not think this is the type of precedent we want to establish. Now, if the parties being sued are not ridiculous enough, let us examine the merit of this claim.

A lawyer for Dean Hancock, said. "It's our understanding that from the moment Josh Hancock entered Mike Shannon's that night that he was never without a drink." Bravo! I salute that bar for their wonderful service. How many times have you tried to fight your way through layers of douche bags and tit sacks, just to get one crappy Popov Vodka and tonic that was being served in a cup, similar in size to the Snoopy Cups provided at the water fountain at my pediatrician's office? What a great business plug for Mike Shannon's Restaurant. I am buying stock in this place as we speak.

Although Josh Hancock did make a power play in selecting a great bar, how come Mike Shannon has not pulled out the "Two-beer queer" defense. Lets think about this. Josh Hancock weighs in around 217 pounds according to Baseball Reference (so probably more like 205 -210). Now, Josh Hancock's blood alcohol level (BAL) was not even twice the legal limit. For him to reach that BAL, he had to drink about 8 drinks in a two hour period. I do not know what is worse, his career pitching stats or his drinking stats...ba zing! But seriously, we have all played Power Hour before (and probably 80 percent of us have driven home afterwords). Power Hour comes out to over 7 beers in a one hour time frame. And, that number does not consider the fact that many of us are not 217 pounds. When I go out, the DD is usually putting up those kind of numbers. I say that instead of suing all these people, Mr. Hancock should offer his son as the new poster boy for Zima.

Lastly if bars were not allowed drunk people, bars would no longer be in business, and ugly fat chicks everywhere would go home alone.

3 comments:

Fat Ugly Girls Everywhere said...

We always have Chief Stickyback's place to fall back on. He's never drunk and loves the blub.

Chief Stickback said...

How do you think I pulled Amanda?!

Jimer said...

He should have stuck to the snow like is big sister, Elvira.