Monday, April 30, 2007

Belated Weekend Review

I'm a little jealous I missed out on the biggest event in SYHD history this weekend. I was at the Yankees/Red Sox game on Saturday, but I'm mighty proud of the work the rest of the boys did covering the draft. On to the sports...

NFL Draft

I'm probably the last moron to add his two-cents on Brady Quinn slipping, but here's my take...

  1. I'll be very surprised if he doesn't become a Top-10 QB in the NFL.
  2. I have no issues with Quinn at all, but I loved seeing him drop like a stone. If I was a billionaire, I would pay off every team in the league to pass on Greg Oden, just to see if he would age to the point that he would look like Bill Russell by the end of the draft.
  3. Is it possible that he slipped so far because of his chick? I know we have overplayed this angle already at SYHD, but when you are the stud Notre Dame QB, with a shot at going first in the draft, you can't have show up with an "8" on your arm. She was at best a 3rd round girlfriend and I wouldn't be surprised if that subliminally affected the Dolphins' decision in some way.

The Pats just rapped up the AFC East for 2 more years, by adding Randy Moss this weekend. They have turned WR, their only weakness, into a strength this offseason. Not looking good for Gang Green.

Yankees/Red Sox

I'm not typically a Panicky Pete, but spotting what I now believe is the best Red Sox team I've ever seen a 6 1/2 game lead is rather disconcerting. Despite what every Yankees' fan seems to think, the playoffs are not our birthright. This might well be the year that the Yankees sit out October. Although I did think the same thing in both of the last two seasons.

NBA Playoffs

Interesting Developments

  1. The Bulls are even better than I thought. I think they will represent the East in the NBA Finals. They don't have any weaknesses and now have a star to carry them in Luol Deng. Super-early prediction: The Bulls will win the 07-08 NBA Championship.
  2. I still think the Mavs will squeak by the Warriors, but I really thought Dallas was better than this. Dirk is receiving a lot of criticism this series and rightfully so. But why on Earth is Avery Johnson allowing Greg Buckner on the court at all in big games? No amount of defense can make up for the fact that he has scored 1 point and 1 assist in 40 minutes this series!! This guy should be riding the pine in the Israeli League.
  3. Phoenix is the only contender out West that is going to cruise through the 1st round. They should have fresher legs than their competitors going forward.


I couldn't care less about auto racing, but I just wanted to mention one thing. After Jeff Gordon won this week's Bumblef**k 500, dozens of fans pelted his car with full cans of beer. Apparently the guy had the nerve to be good-looking, not from the South, and break Dale Earnhardt's record. And it was not the first time something like this happened. Had a similar incident happened at an NBA All-Star Game, we would be inundated with column after column questioning the kind of crowd the NBA attracts.

Overheard on Deal or No Deal

"My blood type is A positive, and I've always said that I'm a positive person." I just threw up a little in my mouth. This statement was made by a saccharine sweet 19 yr-old girl after she passed on a $230K deal to select another briefcase. She proceeded to pick the $500K case and then the $200K one. She was planning on paying for her college education with her winnings. Looks like she'll have to do what every college girl who can't afford tuition has to do...I hope she knows how to pole dance. Oh, and why was I watching Deal or No Deal in the first place? I was channel surfing after Paul LoDuca committed a run scoring error causing the Mets to go down 8-1 to the Marlins. I just threw up in the my mouth some more.

Nightly Wrestling Haiku

He jumps, he kicks, he
Gets arrested with pot. He's
The whole effin show.

Das 2007 NBA MVP?

According to most published reports, the National Basketball Association is expected to announce sometime next week that Dirk Nowitzki will be the 06/07 Most Valuable Player. Really? The case for Nowitzki in the minds of those who voted for him is simple: the Mavericks won a NBA best 67 games, and Dirk was the leading scorer and rebounder on that team. Presumably, a vote for Nowitzki meant that that voter subscribes to the belief that the best player on the best team is deserving of the award. However, I feel that this logic is unfounded. Allow me to break down some of many reasons why Dirk Nowitzki is not an MVP caliber talent.
1. When covered by other seven footers Dirk uses his superior foot speed and pump fake ability to impose his will on these slower defenders. However, as Golden State is proving, when covered by smaller, more athletic defenders, his speed is negated and he lacks the ability and/or willpower to punish them in the post. An MVP should inflict his will upon any/all defenders a la a Kobe Bryant, Lebron James, or Steve Nash.
2. Calling out your teammates publicly in the press and declaring a series over if your team fails to win a game in which you would not technically be eliminated is a big no-no. An MVP leads by example and takes the blame for his teams' shortcomings.
3. He is Baron Davis's bitch. All kidding aside, have you watched this series? If you had not watched a regular season game all year, who would you think the MVP is?
4. The Mavericks 67 regular season wins albeit impressive, were won without ONE significant injury all year to any of their core players. Couple this with the fact that the Mavericks just seemed to play harder than their competition on many nights (they seem to lack that extra gear for the playoffs), and that Phoenix and San Antonio had 61 and 58 wins respectively with significant injury issues-the larger number of wins is quite deceiving.
5. The guy has openly admitted to getting nervous shooting last second free throws and reciting David Hasslehoff lyrics in his head to calm his nerves. Seriously, do you think MJ was humming Wham's "Wake me up before you go go" when he drained that shot on Bryon Russell to beat the Jazz?
(note to editor: if the Mavericks recover from their current 1-3 hole and advance to the next round, please delete this entire column and revoke my blogging privileges).

Karma Chameleon: You Come, But You Can't Go.

Pop Star Boy George was arrested in England this weekend for kidnapping a male escort and tying him to a wall. Apparently, Boy George met the escort on a gay website, paid the man to take nude pictures of him, then pounced on him and tied him to a wall. The brave victim was able to rip away from the wall hooks and escape before any serious harm was done. There is no word from UK police as to whether or not lotion and/or baskets were involved in the incident.

Pun of the Day

The Miami Dolphins first round draft pick is still hurting from the Ginnjury he suffered during the BCS game and may not be ready for opening day. Disgruntled Dolphans who already voiced their displeasure over the pick on draft day are just going to have to Ginn and bear for now.

That's right. Two top flight puns in one post. Only in America!

The Brady Quinn Fetish Continues

Thankfully Brady Quinn going all terminal velocity in Round 1 provided an endless amount of comedic fodder. Here is the funniest article I have run across on the situation: "Brady Quinn's Inner Torment."

Kudos to Big Daddy Drew over at Kissing Suzy Kolber.

Leak Must Think Draft is a Load of B(C)S

BCS MVP and ex-Gator QB Chris Leak was the most notable player not selected in this years NFL Draft. Though he did have the best 10 yard run and hookslide time at the combine, apparently concerns about his size, mobility, arm strength, and overall lack of projectability caused NFL execs pass on the National Champion. After signing with the Bears yesterday, Leak will now have to compete with fellow UF alum Sexy Rexy Grossman aka The Sex Cannon, which may mean a short career for Leak as no one has ever gone into a battle with Rextacy and come out the same. See: Orton, Kyle
Personally, I feel Leak can carve out a nice career as a backup qb. He is a fervent student of the game and spent endless hours at UF studying game film. His Wunderlic score belies his football IQ. At UF he had to learn several different offenses, and despite never being completely comfortable in Urban Meyer's spread offense, Leak proved a very capable game manager who limited his mistakes. While Leak does not possess a JaMarcus Russell type arm, I think he has adequate arm strength and is fairly accurate, especially on intermediate routes. The deep out is a tougher throw for him, but Chad Pennington can attest to the fact that you can be a good NFL quarterback without being able to zip the ball to the sidelines. If Koy Detmer can last in the league for a decade, I see no reason that Leak can't hang around holding a clipboard and making the occasional spot start.

Weekend Wrap-Up

Warriors Come Out to Plaaa-aaay
Yes, I realize that there are about 1,000 blogs with this same headline or a slight variation thereof, but it's Monday morning so get off my back. I was actually contemplating going with "Warriors Drum Mavs", but there are prob only a half dozen people who remember the mid-90's rapper King Just and his song "Warrior's Drum" (including King Just himself) so I went with the more known reference.

So the Warriors are now one win away from joining the rarefied air of the 1994 Nuggets and 1999 Knicks as the only 8-seeds to defeat a 1-seed. This series has been a classic case of the teacher absolutely owning his pupil. In fact if the Warriors pull off the upset, Avery Johnson should serve as Don Nelson's personal pool boy/dog walker this summer. I really like how Nelson is rotating his players. Nelson is running a fluid, versatile lineup out there. He is more concerned with getting the best basketball players out on the court than going with a more traditional defined lineup- a theory that I've been advocating for a while as long as mismatches on the defensive end aren't created.

Baron Davis, always a productive player when healthy, just imposed his will on Mavs. The Dirk did not. Nowitzki put up 23-15 but was invisible for long stretches of the game. We are clearly not seeing the same Dirk that dominated the regular season. After last year's Finals performance, it may not be long until sports pundits' adorn him with the dreaded "choker" label.

Brady Quinn's Panic Room
I know that this has been written about ad naseum (please check out our hilarious live draft blog coverage) but trotting Brady off to his own little secluded room away from the public ire will only stoke the fire of Brady haters. He will be forever linked with his draft day free fall and the way he had to be hid from the taunts and laughter of the NY crowd. As Dan Shanoff pointed out today on, a good QB is supposed to thrive under pressure, not cower from it. It does not matter if it wasn't his idea to move. When the idea was broached, Brady should have respectfully declined, manned-up and stayed out there. He didn't do much to shed his wussy, pretty boy image. Non sequitor alert- Quinn's girlfriend is not that hot. He should be pulling much better tail than that. Poor poor form.

Hockey Playoff Recap
To steal bit from KKTY's A.C. Slater, this weekend's scores were 2-1, 3-2, 3-2, and 3-2.

Josh Hancock Passes Away
We'd be remissed not to mention to passing away of St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Josh Hancock. Sorry, no jokes here. SYHD offers our condolences to the family.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Nightly Wrestling Haiku

I always say my
Prayers, and eat my vitamins.
I am such a mark.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Final Draft Post

(6:04) It's looking like Miami TE Greg Olsen might drop into the second round, leading to this exchange about Olsen and the 7th Floor Crew:

Fat Dizzle: "the Miami 7th floor rap is great"
Nashty: "Is it wrong I am strongly considering putting this song on my ipod?"
Ostertag: "It is pretty much my favorite song about group rape"
Nashty: "It's definitely up there"
Nashty: "G-regg's part came up right when they flashed him putting on the bears cap-it was almost like that pink floyd/wizard of oz thing"
Ostertag: "I wonder if they will give his third leg a Bears hat"
Fat Dizzle: "I don't know how this image problem at UM ever came about"
Ostertag: "It is vexing"

*For those who don't know what we are talking about click here. Olsen sings at 6 minutes*

(6:09 p.m.): Mookie asks if the Bears just selected Olsen and then answers his own question with, "You got it Dude." Nothing like a little Full House humor to let you know that the day is dragging on.

(6:28 p.m.): With the last pick in the first round the Colts pick OSU wide receiver Anthony Gonzalez. The ESPN crew immediately compare him to Brandon Stokley and Wayne Chrebet. I wonder how Ed Mcaffrey and Don Beebe didn't get mentioned.

*With that we are all done for the day. Thanks to everyone who stopped by today. Don't be strangers.*

NFL Draft Part 7

(4:23) Brady Quinn has to somehow act like he is excited about moving to the city affectionately known as the mistake by the lake. Browns fans are so excited that they are about to set Lake Erie on fire.

(4:27) Jaws gives a rather homoerotic break down of Brady Quinn film

(4:35) AK616 came up with this beauty: Looks like this Brady came to term late

(4:47) Bill Belichick selects....his 40 year old married secretary...just kidding. The Pats take Miami S Brandon Meriweather
Greg Ostertag wonders how he slipped past the Bengals
AK616: Meriweather will def have a brawl playing for the Patriots

(4:54) If the Panthers select Jarrett, will Keyshawn be happy for the fellow Trojan or rip Mel Kiper's hair piece off?

(4:56) Panthers select Miami LB Jon Beason. Keyshawn takes a sigh of relief. I really hope they draft Steve Smith in the second round though. How cool would it be to have two receivers with the same name?

(4:59) Greg Ostertag: Philly on the clock. The Rocky theme is playing and whipping the crowd into a frenzy. Suddenly the music stops and we find out the Eagles traded their pick to Dallas.

(5:14) Johnny Dakota: Is Berman rocking a hypercolor tie? The consensus is that he must have spilled some pastry filling onto it.

(5:21) When the Saints come Meachem in. New Orleans pick the Tennessee receiver.
Johnny Dakota: With how bad their defense was last year, this pick was a real Reach-um

(5:38) 49'ers trade for the Pats pick and select Central Michigan OL Joe Staley. Greg Ostertag quipped: Staley is like a poor man's Joe Thomas. He should have went duck hunting today.

(5:41) It is our general consensus that out of all the live draft blogs that Shanoff linked to, we are second best. There is no shame in finishing runner-up to Deadspin.

(5:46) Fat Dizzle has this scoop: Word on the street is that the Jets are looking at Rutthead for their next pick

(5:54) Wow Greg Olsen's chick is really really hot.

(5:59) The Chargers draft Craig Davis. Nashty's take: It's always nice when you can get third round talent at the end of round 1

(6:01) Johnny Dakota: Keyshawn just said they didn't have schemes when he was in college. What does that mean? They drew up plays in the sand? No wonder Pete Carroll looks like a genius.

Live Draft Blog pt. 6

Giants on the clock.

(3:55 p.m.): Mookie is rooting for the Giants to pick Greg Olsen and go with the two tight end offensive scheme. This would make Mark Bavaro very pleased.

Giants select Aaron Ross CB/Texas. Jaguars on the clock.

(4:00 p.m.): Keyshawn just quipped that Ross must be good or else he wouldn't have been selected in the first round. Dakota responds with "clearly, he does not remember William Joseph." I don't know who that is, but I am assuming he was selected in the first round and sucked.

(4:02 p.m.): Brady Quinn is not even being mentioned anymore. I really wish they didn't move him to that secret room.

Jaguars select Reggie Nelson S/Florida. Cowboys on the clock.

(4:05 p.m.): Nelson looks like a cross between Tracy Chapman and Doug E. Doug in his ESPN photo. Apparently, he will either be riding to Jacksonville in a bobsled or a fast car.

(4:09 p.m.): Mookie thinks that Ed Werder stole his mustache from Jeff Kent while Dakota wonders what goes through Tony Romo's head when he gets a text message from Werder.

(4:12 p.m.): Dakota is still infatuated with the dynamics of a Tony Romo/Ed Werder text message. Dakota thinks "Do u think ur job is in trouble? BQuinn rocks!" is a possible Werder message to Romo.

(4:13 p.m.): Nashty is trying to call the NFL and draft Brady Quinn himself just so Berman will shut up about him.

(4:15 p.m.): Mookie and I are currently in a debate about whether Mel Kiper likes to bet the trifecta or the quinella at the dog track. I wonder what it is about Kiper that makes us both think he goes to the dog track and not the horse track?

Cowboys trade their pick to the Browns. Browns select BRADY QUINN!!!!. Chiefs on the clock.

(4:18 p.m.): Brady Quinn emerged from the secret room looking about as worn out as Peter North after a 12 hour day on the set.

(4:19 p.m.): After the Quinn pick, Mookie jokes that Charlie Frye just threw a beer can at the T.V. but missed. Mookie is in a joke zone right now. His wit is flying faster than my fingers can type.

(*I am done for the day. Blogging duties have been taken over by Mookie. Part 7 will be coming soon*)

Live Draft Blog pt. 5

Steelers select Lawrence Timmons LB/FSU. Packers on the clock.

(3:00 p.m.): I guess this means the Steelers are sticking with the 3-4 defense for a while. I am not pleased at all. What is the point of hiring Tampa Two expert Mike Tomlin if they are not going to run the Tampa Two.

(3:07 p.m.): Nashty wonders if Brady Quinn has been drafted yet. He can't believe ESPN is not talking about him.

Packers select Justin Harrell DT/Tennessee. Jaguars on the clock.

(3:14 p.m.): Packers fans immediately boo in unison. Welcome to Green Bay Justin.

(3:15 p.m.): After SYHD contributor Johnny Dakota (Dakota) wonders who Justin Harrell is, Fatty responds with, "You don't know him? He's been much harrell'd by NFL experts." I think Fatty and AK616 have some sort of Cyrano de Bergerac trickery going on right now.

(3:17 p.m.): Why is it that black guys are so much better than white guys at tying neckties? Are they born with an instinctive knowledge of the Full Windsor?

(3:21 p.m.): Dakota is frustrated with the slobbering that the ESPN guys are currently doing over Brady Quinn. Dakota jokingly feels that every team should just dump their current QB and take Quinn.

Jaguars trade their pick to the Broncos. Broncos on the clock.

(3:26 p.m.): I could give you more details on the Jags/Broncos trade but we were all distracted by this link discovered by Dakota.

Broncos select Jarvis Moss DE/Florida. Bengals on the clock.

(3:34 p.m.): As the Bengals get ready to pick, Chris Berman runs down the laundry list of arrests the Bengals have had in the last year. Fatty and I both agree that Chris Henry looks like one of the aliens from "Signs".

Bengals select Leon Hall DB/Michigan. Titans on the clock

(3:41 p.m.): The last five minutes have been spent comparing pictures of Chris Henry and Aliens. The resemblance is uncanny.

(3:45 p.m.): Chris Berman just referred to Keyshawn as a surefire hall of famer. Everyone in the SYHD war room laughed at that notion. SYHD editor Mookie feels that Keyshawn is a poor man's Art Monk.

Titans select Michael Griffin S/Texas. Giants on the clock.

(stay tuned for part 6 in about an hour)

Live Draft Blog pt. 4

Texans on the clock.

(2:02 p.m.) After the Lions pick, SHYD reader AK616 chimes in with this pun: "Calvin and Roddes: The Story of a Man and his Imaginary Lion". AK616 has been put in time out for the next 15 minutes.

Texans select Amobi Okoye DT/Louisville. 49ers on the clock.

(2:06 p.m.) Okoye's family just tripled the total count for hair weaves on the day. Don Imus is relieved.

(2:10 p.m.) The Brady Quinn saga is really dominating the draft. I really don't see him getting picked until the mid 20's at this point. This is the biggest disaster I have seen on ESPN since the Tim Hardaway studio anchor experiment of 2002.

49ers select Partrick Willis LB/Mississippi. Bills on the clock.

(2:20 p.m.) They have apparently moved Brady Quinn into some sort of protection room so he won't go nuts on the crowd for harassing him. This is not a good sign of his ability to deal with a zone blitz.

(2:22 p.m.) Fatty jokes that most teams are apparently not as enamored with Brady Quinn's washboard abs as Chris Mortensen is.

(2:25 p.m.) AK616 attempts to redeem himself with this gem: "Arizona seems really Straussed about that Levi pick."

Bills select Marshawn Lynch RB/California. Rams on the clock.

(2:27 p.m.) After the Bills' pick was announced by Bruce Smith, Fatty ponders what a heated exhange between Smith and Mike Tyson would sound like. I am thinking it would be somewhat similar to when Heidi and Lauren argue on The Hills.

(2:33 p.m.) A commercial was just shown for a new "Bingo" television game show. Nashty wonders if this show is for people who can't follow the confusion of Deal or No Deal. Fatty is curious when the new "Scrabble" game show will come out.

(2:35 p.m.) Brady Quinn hasn't been shown for about 20 minutes now. I am giving 10-1 odds that his girlfriend is going to emerge from the safe room with a bloody nose.

Rams select Adam Carriker DE/Nebraska. Panthers on the clock

(2:40 p.m.): Adam Carriker is white and thus we will never hear from him again.

(2:44 p.m.): The crowd is going nuts. Either the Jets made a trade or Brady Quinn got wedgied by a drunk fan in the bathroom.

Panthers trade their pick to the Jets for a bunch of later round picks. Jets on the Clock.

(2:48 p.m.): Nashty notes that Keyshawn seems extremely relieved that the Panthers didn't pick a wide receiver. Apparently, Keyshawn doesn't want to be a full time commentator just yet.

(2:51 p.m.): Time for another AK616 pun: "Die Hard Niner fans love the Willis pick"

Jets select Darrelle Revis CB/Pitt. Steelers on the clock.

(2:55 p.m.) Jets fans seem pretty pleased with the Revis pick. I don't see how anyone that is on a defense that gives up 52 points to West Virginia every year can possibly be a good NFL player.

(stay tuned for part 5 in about an hour)

Seen At the NFL Draft 2007: Lindsay Slinger, I'm Not So Sure About Her

Brady Quinn could probably do better than that bottle-blonde, no?

Live Draft Blog pt. 3

Redskins on the clock.

(1:12 p.m.): The Skins are apparently going to take LarRon Landry. If he is as good as everyone says he is that is going to make for one formidable safety duo. On a separate note, I think the clear draft day winner thus far is Mel Kiper's hair. What a coiffe that is. It must take at least 3 cans of mousse to keep that muskrat in place.

Redskins select LaRon Landry S/LSU. Vikings on the clock.

(1:18 p.m.): If the Vikings don't pick Quinn here it is going to start to get uncomforable. His zit may go nuts on the entire room.

(1:20 p.m.): As LaRon Landry celebrates with his friends and family, Nashty wonders if the lone white guy in the room is LaRon's homeboy or his agent. On a related note, this has to be an all time draft low in draftee family hair weaves. I have only seen one or two good weaves the entire day. Don Imus must be going nuts right now.

(1:22 p.m.): Sports ignorer Frisco just predicted Lawrence Phillips as his draft day sleeper. He then told me to stop bothering him so he can listen to all of his "Dandy Warhol" records in peace.

Vikings select Adrian Peterson RB/Oklahoma. Falcons on the clock.

(1:29 p.m.): What a great pick for the Vikings. I can't believe Peterson fell this far. If he stays healthy, he is going to be deadly. Something tells me, however, that every good knee surgeon in the country is moving to Minnesota right now.

(1:33 p.m.): Trey Wingo and Michael Smith appear to be wearing matching suits in the ESPN studio today. Perhaps they are rushing out of the studio to be background dancers at the Britney Spears comeback concert tonight. Speaking of Britney, is it acceptable to be attracted to her again? She is about three surgeries and two eating disorders away from getting back to her 2002 form. Check out pictures of her from this week here.

(1:37 p.m.): Fatty informs us that his sources tell him that Vick is lobbying for the Falcons to seclect a 110 lb. rottweiler with four years of abuse experience and multiple burn scars.

(1:40 p.m.): Nashty feels that Brady Quinn's girlfriend looks like Ashlee Simpson in the late stages of AIDS. This blog has suddenly turned into

(1:41 p.m.) We all cringe at Berman's "Stump the Schaub" pun. Nashty feels Berman clearly has been preparing that joke for 3 years now.

Falcons select Jamaal Anderson DE/Arkansas. Dolphins on the clock.

(1:47 p.m.) I was in the bathroom for the Falcons pick which led to an extemely confusing conversation with Nashty, where I assumed he was making a joke about the old Jamaal Anderson when he informed me of the Falcons selection. It took at least ten minutes for this confusion to be resolved.

Dolphins select Ted Ginn, Jr. WR/Ohio State. Texans on the clock

(1:52 p.m.): The excitement in the draft room over the Brady Quinn freefall is palpable. Mel Kiper is furious. Ted Ginn is an interesting pick for the Dolphins. If the Dolphins are sold on staying with Culpepper, I probably would have traded down and selected the rights to Barbaro's ACL if I was Miami.

(stay tuned for part 4 in about an hour)

Live Draft Blog pt. 2

Browns on the clock.

(12:34 p.m.): Nashty points out that many WVU cornerbacks will be involved in the draft today. None will be selected, but many will be included in highlight reels of wide receivers.

(12:36 p.m.): Fatty and I both agree that someone needs to hire Ron Jaworski as a head coach. There is no way he can't break down a defense better than Jack Del Rio.

(12:39 p.m.): Our first player interview of the day. Calvin Johnson seems pretty nice and intelligent. This is a crushing development to draft bloggers worldwide.

Browns select Joe Thomas OL/Wisconsin. Bucs on the clock.

(12:43 p.m.): Brady Quinn looks like he just got kicked in the junk after that pick. The crowd immediately started a "Cleveland Sucks" chant. Offensive linemen get no respect.

(12:45 p.m.): We all agree that there will be some sort of trade by the Bucs here. Nashty lets us know that if the Bucs pick Amobi Okoye he will be jumping into Tampa Bay with bricks tied to his ankles.

(12:46 p.m.): Sal Paolantonio lets us know that the Bucs recently signed Phil Simms. Fatty is outraged as he feels Phil is way past his prime.

(12:47 p.m.): Chris Mortensen tells us that Jon Gruden may select Quinn because he sent him a picture of himself in only his shorts. Chris Mortensen's sexual preference is the hot topic of conversation around the SYHD war room right now.

(12:50 p.m.): Nashty jokes that the Bucs may trade the #4 pick to the Bills for the #14 pick and full frontal photos of J.P. Losman.

(12:51 p.m.): Fatty is appalled by Keyshawn Johnson's unsolicited bashing of Chris Weinke. Fatty has referred to him as "Queershawn". GLAAD would not be pleased with our tolerance of alternative lifestyles right now.

Bucs select Gaines Adams DE/Clemson. Cardinals on the clock.

(12:55 p.m.): Everyone, including Mel Kiper agrees that there will be some sort of trade between the Bucs and Lions coming up. If not, maybe Joe Thomas can swing by Tampa Bay and fish Nashty's lifeless body from the bottom of the bay.

(1:00 p.m.): All of us are vexed and extremely pleased at the lack of Stuart Scott today. I am guessing that ESPN paid the Schwab to tie up Stu and sit on him in some broom closet all day.

Cardinal select Levi Brown OL/Penn State. Redskins on the clock.

(stay tuned for part 3 in about an hour)

Live Draft Blog pt. 1

-(11:57 a.m.): 3 minutes to draft time. A nice tribute to the VT victims prior to the draft is interrupted by a savage booing *(apparently this was a Bruuuuce chant)* of Bruce Smith. Finally, Frank Beamer's goiter settles the crowd down and a moment of silence ensues.

-(12:05 p.m.): SHYD contributor DownrightNashty (Nashty) is very pleased with Brady Quinn's draft day zit. Quinn looks just greasy enough to be an extra in Christopher Moltisanti's "Cleaver" sequel.

-(12:07 p.m.): Nashty wonders if Troy Smith is aware that the CFL draft is still months away

Raiders on the clock

-(12:11 p.m.): SYHD contributor Fat Dizzle (Fatty) insists that the Raiders will not trade their pick and will go with JaMarcus Russell. Fatty is quite frustrated with the inconsistency in ESPN's spelling of JaMarcus and Ja Marcus.

-(12:14 p.m.): Fatty and Nashty both agree that Quinn will be a better pro than Russell. Apparently size, speed, armstrength, and accuracy are not part of their evaluation process.

-(12:18 p.m.): SYHD friend and sports ignorer Frisco feels the Raiders will pick Ryan Leaf with the first pick. It should be noted that Frisco still thinks Gary Carter is the best player in MLB.

Raiders pick JaMarcus Russell QB/LSU. Lions on the clock

-(12:22 p.m.): Russell looks about as excited to be an Oakland Raider as Lance Bass at a strip club .

-(12:26 p.m.): Bucs fan Nashty is begging for a Bucs/Lions trade here to get Calvin Johnson. Sal Paolantonio informs us that the Lions want both Bucs' second round pics for Johnson. Fatty notes that all of this seems to be making the guy at the Lions' desk extremely nauseated.

Lions pick Calvin Johnson WR/GT. Browns on the clock

(stay tuned for part 2 sometime after 1:00 p.m.)

It is About to Get a Bit Drafty in Here

Check back with us all day for periodic updates on our live draft blog. By live draft blog, I mean four of us will be sitting on our respective couches drinking Fresca and commenting on how fat Chris Berman has gotten. We will try to update at least once every hour. Early prediction: Matt Millen will forget to set his alarm and show up somewhere around the 15th pick.

I Always Thought Mr. Met's Head was Suspiciously Big

This is my favorite sports story in months. After a few years of snickering from holier than thou Mets fan about Giambi, Sheffield, Clemens, and Pettitte, it appears many of their boys will be going down in this scandal. Would you be surpised if suddenly slim punch-and-Judy hitter David Wright was one of Radomski's customers?

Friday, April 27, 2007

Deng He's Good!

Week Late Prediction Guy says "Deng will be the breakout star of the NBA Playoffs!"

Joe Must Go

It's about time for the Yankees to thank Joe Torre for the memories and let him spend the rest of his summers eating Stella Doro breadsticks and working on his bocce game. I greatly appreciate the 4 Championships and 11 consecutive postseason appearances under his watch. Honestly, I do. Yes he has had the most talented team over that stretch, but I have never bought the argument that anybody could have managed those teams to 4 World Series Championships. I believe that for the most part, he has done an excellent job at his most important job, insulating his players from the added pressure that comes from the New York media and the most demanding owner in professional sports. So it is with some measure of melancholy that I must call for his firing.

Do not mistake me for one of those dunderheads that think the sky is falling, because of the Yankees' 8-12 start. I am fully aware that the injuries to their two best pitchers, an uncharacteristically poor start by Mariano Rivera, and some plain old bad luck are the major culprits. However, Signore Torre has been making some seriously daffy managerial decisions this season. Batting Melky Cabrera in the lead-off spot in a lineup with 6 All-Star caliber players is never an acceptable decision. Having Doug Mientkiewicz, a bad hitter off to a particularly bad start, bat second on this team is equally mindless.

Due to poor pitching performances from the starting rotation, the bullpen is being run into the ground. Proctor and Vizcaino should already be booking their late July flights to Birmingham to visit Dr. James Andrews. Yet somehow Joe Torre has not found much work for the greatest relief pitcher in the history of the sport. Granted an Italian has not been in this tough a spot since Bowser kidnapped Princess Toadstool, but you have to get Mariano Rivera more innings than situational lefty Mike Myers.

Joe Torre's bullpen management has gotten progressively worse over the years. For some reason Torre, like most managers, is completely married to the notion that his best bullpen option is only to be used with a 1 to 3 run lead in the ninth inning. It has still never been explained to my liking why preserving a lead is so much more important than maintaining a tie. My first notion that Torre was slipping as a manager came in Game 4 of the 2003 World Series. Inexplicably, he let the best postseason pitcher of all time rot in the bullpen IN A 12 INNING GAME, while he paraded failed starters (at the time) Jose Contreras and Jeff Weaver. Torre was holding him in reserve for a save opportunity would never come. Predictably, Weaver gave up a homer and the Marlins tied the series at 2-2. The decision to not pitch Rivera in that game might well have cost the Yankees another championship. Why would one value preserving a hypothetical future lead more important than maintaining a very real tie?

Torre's rep as a fine clubhouse manager has taken some hits recently as well. Allowing Tom Verducci the access to write that A-Rod smear piece that brought Rodriguez even more negative attention, was a stroke of pure idiocy. Embarrassing him further by batting the future inner-circle Hall of Famer could well have earned Torre his walking papers after last season. At that point, I felt it was time for some new blood in the manager position.

Let us not allow sentimentality to prevent us from fielding our best team. The manager's chair is not meant to be a Supreme Court appointment. I don't want to wait for Joe Torre to die or step down, before we move on.

Nightly Wrestling Haiku

Superfly Snuka
Got whacked with a coconut
While on Piper's Pit

*Video Below. The racist views of Rowdy Roddy Piper towards Samoans is in no way a reflection of SYHD's feelings about the great people of Samoa.

The Jets Are on the Clock

Interesting article from's Jeff Pearlman on the NY Jets history of drafting stiffs. Pearlman wrote one of my favorite book's of all time, The Bad Guys Won, so I will show him some deference. Much of the article is on point, but he unfairly maligns Freeman McNeil, Al Toon, and Keyshawn Johnson by lumping them in with the likes of Johnny "Lam" Jones, Roger Vick, Dave Cadigan, and Kyle Brady.

Freeman McNeil had a very nice career and even lead the NFL in rushing one season (albeit a strike shorted season). He is second only to future Hall of Famer Curtis Martin on the Jets all-time rushing list. As for Ronnie Lott, I don't think the Jets had the pressing need at safety that they had at running back. Scott Dierking, yes THE Scott Dierking, led the Jets in rushing the previous year. As the old proverb states, "when Scott Dierking is your starting running back, it's time to get a new running back."

Al Toon was one of the top receivers in the league before Ken O'Brien's concussion balls over the middle took their toll on his now mushy head. If the 49'ers had drafted Toon and the Jets Rice, Toon would be dancing with the stars and sporting a embarrassing haircut and Rice would be sitting at home unable to complete full sentences.

Keyshawn Johnson was the #1 pick in a relatively weak draft without a clear cut #1. The only top ten pick who has clearly had a better career than Johnson is Jonathan Ogden, but who wants to take an OT #1? He amassed two hall of fame caliber years with the Jets and wrote a literary classic that enabled me to call Wayne Chrebet "The Mascot" for Wayne's duration with the team. Plus the Jets gained a huge windfall from trading him to the Bucs. The extra first round picks they gained allowed the Jets to rebuild on the fly with the likes of Shawn Ellis, John Abraham, and Chad Pennington.

It seems as if Pearlman had a theory and wanted to fit every Jets draft pick of the 80's and 90's into it. I will simply not let him tarnish the legacy of some of my all-time favorite Jets.

Oh and here is obligatory montage of bad Jets draft picks.

Pun of the Day

Falcons QB Vick-timizes innoncent dogs

Boy that Michael Vick makes a lot of bad decisions...and not just in the pocket. How badly do you think this guy is hoping that the Falcons trade up for Calvin Johnson? On a scale of 1-10, I'd say infinity.

Something Weird Is Happening in the Lakers/Suns Series

Bill Plaschke has an awkward take on how the Lakers beat the Suns.
"To a man, everybody stepped up and responded to the challenge," Bryant said. That even included Jack Nicholson, for whom the Lakers threw an impromptu birthday party after the first quarter. With the crowd roaring, two Laker Girls walked over to the old guy with a huge sheet cake. Nicholson stuck his finger into the cake, stripped off a huge hunk of icing, and stuck it into his mouth with glee. Which, from that moment forward, is exactly what the Lakers did to the Suns."
So, which Laker stuck which Sun in his mouth with glee? Any guesses?

Looper Scooper

The beauty of sports is it's unpredictability. Some analysts like to think they are soothsayers. Mel Kiper Jr., for example will project next year's first round draft picks no more than 48 hours after this year's Mr. Irrelevant has been selected. I would like to think that average sports fan is smarter enough to realize that this is all hullabaloo, but then again there a ghastly number of people out there who think David Eckstein and Darin Erstad are a good baseball players. Anyway, no where is the unpredictable nature of sports more apparent than in Braden Looper's inexplicable success thus as a starting pitcher.

Looper was the one player I was sure would be an absolute bust this season. He had been a second or third tier closer for most of his career. He was replaced by our favorite felon Uggie Urbina for Marlins World Series run in 2003 and followed that embarrassment with two rough seasons with the New York Mets. Looper's 2005 was particularly atrocious as he blew 8 saves for a team that was in serious contention for a wild card spot. He actually made me yearn for John Franco and his Staten Island garbageball. In 2006 he signed with the Cardinals and was a serviceable middle reliever. Yet when Cardinal closer Jason Isringhausen went out with an arm injury, it was rookie Adam Wainwright who replaced Izzy, not Looper, who had amassed 103 career saves. That is not exactly a vote of confidence in your ability.

One of Looper's most glaring problems was his inability to get lefties out. As a closer Looper only really featured two pitches, a fastball/cutter and a slider. None of these pitches proved effective against lefties. From 2004 - 2006, lefties OPS'd .835 off of him. During his horrendous 2005, lefty hitters OPS'd an almost Bondsian .979.

In order to be effective, starting pitchers need to get batters from both sides of the plate out. One major reason pitchers go to the bullpen is that they lack a third pitch to get a lefty/righty out consistently. This certainly seemed to be the case with Looper over the past few years. Yet somehow some way, Looper, with the help of Cardinals pitching coach Dave Duncan, has turned himself into one of the best starters in Major League Baseball. He is currently 3-1 with a 1.91 ERA and a 1.00 WHIP. Lefties are only OPS'ing .595 against him.

How can this success be explained? I don't know. I guess every once in a while the sun shines on a dog's ass. I was originally going to go with the theory that he is throwing his change up effectively to lefties. Stats refute that hypothesis however, as lefties are hitting .352 against his change up. Perhaps he is mixing his pitches better. That is inherently difficult to quantify. His K/BB (18/10) and K/9 ratios are not impressive either. Thus there is only one good faith conclusion I can reach...Looper has been extremely lucky. His balls batted in play average is pretty low and one would expect that as well as his ops against to revert back to his career mean. He has only made four starts, which is an extremely small sample size. If he gives up 8 runs in 2 innings during his next start, his ERA is going to skyrocket. Based on the evidence, Looper will be extremely hard pressed to keep up a level of production anywhere near where he is now. In conclusion (if you're still around to read this conclusion) is that Looper's performance is probably fool's gold, but you never know since sports is unpredictable.

(On a side note: As I write this, there is an European soccer game on ESPN. Obviously I can't find my remote. Anyway there is a player named Kaka (sp?) on one of these teams. Everytime the announcer, in his proper British accent, says, "it was Kaka who made the foul" or "Kaka is extremely accurate", I can't help but giggling just a little bit.)

Live Blogging the NFL Draft

Tomorrow SYHD will be live blogging the NFL Draft. This is the grandest feat our nubile blog has undertaken up to this point, and will probably end horribly, but hey it's worth a try. We are even getting linked from the highly esteemed Dan Shanoff of This is quite the honor and we will try to bring our A game, which is of course equivalent to most people's C game. So tune in all day tomorrow for our draft related analysis, witty comments, and puns.
(Note: Hopefully the NFL won't sue us for using its logo in this post)

Sammy Sosa is Good Again?

Sammy Sosa is on pace to smack 51 home runs this year. At age 38, what can be credited for Sammy's resurgence, after clearly being the worst non-Pittsburgh Pirate player in MLB two years ago? The anchors at Baseball Tonight want us to that believe Sammy's hitting coach is the culprit of the new found Sosa youth. After seeing a ripped 250 pound Sammy bobble heading around the bases after a 900 foot homerun last night, I am somewhat more skeptical. While cocaine was clearly the drug of choice for the young Sammy pictured above, something tells me there may be a cream and clear that has snuck into his current supplement regimen. Or maybe the Rangers' hitting coach is God.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Nightly Wrestling Haiku

Scott Steiner does not
Use steroids. His small testes
Come from genetics.

ESPN Gamecast Blues

As i sit, frustratingly arguing balls and strikes at the ESPN Gamecast graphic, while watching the Pirates feebly getting shut out by the Astros, it really makes me think about the status of my life. How I wish I could be one of the 600 or 700 people at PNC Park today. Oh well, I guess I will have to imagine what it looks like when Gamecast tells me Adam LaRoche grounded out to the pitcher.

Pun of the Day

TV Broadcaster a Thorne in Red Sox pitcher's side. I'd give a schilling for Curt's thoughts on the accusation.

Once again my pun of the day infringes on a previous blog post, but again I felt it was too good give up.

Please Click on the Ad

Almost all of us here at SYHD are young professionals who want to do nothing more in this world than retire. We all realize that work is miserable and would like to avoid it if possible. The good people at Google Ad Sense are trying to make that goal ascertainable. Please take just a millisecond out of you visit to click on the Google advertisement at the top of the page. Every click gets us a fraction of a cent closer to making our dreams come true.

Chicago Cubs Hoping that Prior's Bloody Shoulder Is Also Fake

According to Gary Thorne, Doug Mirabelli has admitted that Curt Schilling faked the famous "bloody sock" incident. Mirabelli has since denied the accusation that it was "all for PR", but if it wasn't blood, what was it? Is the sock in the above picture (from the HOF), painted? Or did someone have to really bleed into a sock, then switch it for the doctored stocking through the air vents, like Albert Belle's corked bat.

People Needs Corrective Lenses

People Magazine has named Drew Barrymore as it's "Most Beautiful Person" of 1992, err I mean 2007. Now, perhaps Mrs. Barrymore has a gangbusters personality and is a great humanitarian, but the most beautiful person in sports/entertainment/politics, she is not. Now if this award was bestowed upon her after her tour de force performance in Poison Ivy when she looked like this, I would be lauding this decision, but she has gone through more boom/bust cycles than the U. S. economy. Barrymore seems to alternate from bloated/unattractive to attractive on a per movie basis. She is like the Bret Saberhagen of Hollywood. Before he became perennially injured, the former Royals hurler would be a cy young level pitcher during odd numbered years, yet would easily be mistaken for a run of the mill player during even years. Like Saberhagen even/odd year disparity, Barrymore would appear eminently do-able in one movie (i.e. Charlie's Angels), but unabashedly homely in the next (i.e. Donnie Darko). I know a flick like Darko does not call for her to be a sexpot temptress, but there is no reason for her to let herself go when she is going to have to bust her ass to get in the shape for the her next role calling for a svelte Drew.

Now I know the old saying goes "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," but seriously let's look at some of the other females on this list (I will not discuss male beauty because I am a homophobe). Those deemed less beautiful than Barrymore are as follows: Jessica's Biel and Alba, Scarlett Johansson, Angelina Jolie, Reese Witherspoon, and Tyra Banks. No matter what your personal tastes are, I doubt any reader out there would take Barrymore over at least one of the above mentioned tasties, and thus she can't possibly be worthy of People's Most Beautiful Person title.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Nightly Wrestling Haiku

Dibiase says
Everybody has a price
Million dollar dream.

Pun of the Day

We [the Cubs] didn't start the Prior

He's been always hurtin' since the world's been turnin'

Sorry to duplicate the Prior post (pun certainly intended!), but this pun of the day was too good pass up. Also, sorry for lack of puns over the past few days, but I can only work with what the world of sports and entertainment gives me.

Wait, Mark Prior is hurt?

You know May is just around the corner because the Cubs announced today that pitcher Mark Prior will miss the entire season after shoulder surgery. Someone needs to find out who the Cubs trainer is and either fire him or give him a huge raise. The list of healthy Cub players is looking about as crowded as a Kevin Federline concert right now.

There's a Reason He's The Michael Jordan of Venezuela

He's just that good.

You are NOT the Father!!!

Nothing like a little Maury to start your day off right. I highly recommend a perusal of the Maury Wikipedia entry for a comedy respite from your undoubtedly busy morning. The link is here. Pay special attention to the explanation of how positive most would be fathers on Maury are that the seemingly bastard child is not theirs. There is an instance of a man being 1 million percent sure that the kid is not his. That is confidence.

*Special thanks to SYHD reader Steve for the heads up on the Wikipedia page*

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Who Married Worse?

I feel a slight pang of guilt writing this, knowing that the odds are that it will hurt somebody's feelings. But if you are easily offended, you will inevitably hate my blogs in short order. So I'm going to let 'er rip.

Who married worse; Albert Pujols or Paul McCartney? On the cusp of a Hall of Fame Major League career, Albert Pujols married a woman who had a child with Down's Syndrome. Without being too insensitive, I will just say that he CHOSE to make his life infinitely more difficult than it had to be. Paul McCartney, billionaire and ONE OF THE BEATLES, married a woman with 25 percent fewer limbs than the average gal. If this cadaver was able to score a semi-supermodel, McCartney could have easily have scored a Kate Moss type.

King Philip

The Phil Hughes Era begins on Thursday, about two weeks late for the beleaguered Yankees rotation. When Wang went down, I had no problem with the Yankees giving Darrel Rasner the first crack at the rotation. His minor league numbers and performance for the Yankees last year suggest that he could be a serviceable back end of the rotation guy. When Pavano (surprise!) and Mussina went down, almost simultaneously, the two obvious candidates to replace them were Jeff Karstens and Phil Hughes. Instead, the usually sensible Cashman decided to promote Chase Wright, a middling prospect with 2 starts above A-Ball. Predictably Wright was chased early from both games, capped off with the almost impossible feat of surrendering four consecutive home runs.

I have little doubt that Phil Hughes is a Major League quality starting pitcher right now. Last season, we saw Francisco Liriano, Justin Verlander, Jered Weaver, Jonathan Papelbon (albeit in a relief role), and a trio of Marlins pitchers performed at an All-Star level in their rookie seasons. Matt Cain, Felix Hernandez, and Cole Hamels also were all above average pitchers that showed hints of future greatness in their first taste of the Majors. I don't see any reason to believe that Hughes could not be added to that list.

He spent the vast majority of last year at Double A, and finished the season with a composite 2.15 ERA, with 168 Ks and only 34 walks in 146 innings. Scouts corroborate the empirical evidence of his dominance by raving about his stuff, command, and poise. Baseball Prospectus's PECOTA system, which is notoriously conservative with its projections, expects Hughes to have a 3.82 ERA in the Major Leagues this season. In fact, PECOTA predicts that he will have the lowest ERA on the Yankees' staff this year. We can not afford to waste that potential another week in Scranton/Wilkes Barre, when the team so desperately needs him.

(Once again, in order to salvage a column devoid of laughs, I give you a Louis CK joke that is atrocious on purpose:
What do you call a piece of crap that is horizontal, up against an erect penis that is vertical?

Nightly Wrestling Haiku

Ravishing Rick Rude's
Real name is Rick Rood? What a
Rude awakening.

Pun of the Day

No Telfair! Sebastian cut by Celtics after gun charge

Honestly, who would have ever thought that a 6ft 170lb point guard straight out of high school to the NBA- with no jumpshot, genetically and socially linked to Stephon Marbury- would fail in the NBA?? I'm stunned.

I Told You I Want Sausage On My Pizza!!!

A British man, apparently unhappy about the quality of his pizza at a local restaurant, did the only logical act you can do when your pizza is subpar; he jumped up on the restaurant counter, pulled down his pants and cut off his penis. Doctors were able to salvage the severed member, and are attempting to sew it back on. This seems pretty normal to me as I once saw a woman at the Olive Garden stand on her table and lop off her breast because she didn't think her breadsticks had enough garlic salt on them.

Top Ten Reasons Rasheed is the Coolest Guy in the NBA- 1st half

10. High school career: Despite limited playing time of just 19 minutes per game, Wallace still managed to average 16 points, 15 rebounds and 7 blocks during his senior year at Simon Gratz High School. He went on to win the USA Today High School Player of the Year for the 1992-93 season and capped his brilliant, bad-ass HS career by getting tossed from the McDonald’s All-American Game- as far as I know the only player to ever accomplish that feat.

9. Tattoos: Sheed has arguably the most distinctive tattoo in the NBA with the egyptian-themed ink that adorns his right shoulder. No run-of-the-mill AND1 figures or Allen Iverson rip-offs for him- the tattoo is actually a family potrait with Sheed as the pharoah, his wife Fatima as the queen, and his three children in the background- with a stylized sun symbolizing the sun god RA (that’s deep). His left arm shows a bulldog- representing old stomping ground Simon Gratz HS.

8. The Drive: After a victory in Seattle while with the Portland Trail Blazers, Rasheed and teammate Damon Stoudamire turned down the team flight to get baked while driving back to Portland with a friend. The Washington State Police unfortunately pulled them over, but Rasheed emerged from the incident with no charges- only a considerable amount of street cred points.

7. “Both Teams Played Hard”: Rasheed uttered that same exact line over and over in response to multiple different questions in a press conference during the 2003 playoffs- cementing his legend as one of the great characters in the NBA. (There is actually an NBA blog that goes by that name, with the subtitle “It was a good game, man” – great idea) Although Sheed’s disdain for the media is quite evident at times, his spontaneous, and ebullient personality still comes through with a lot of great quotes:

On the zebras: “A lot of them cats are felonious, man.”
“Some people say I’m mean and this and that. On one hand that’s cool. That keeps away all the riffraff and all the bugaboos.” — R. Wallace

6. CTC: After being traded to the lowly Atlanta Hawks, Rasheed uttered this infamous line: “I don’t give a (expletive) about no trade rumors. As long as somebody ‘CTC’, at the end of the day I’m with them. For all you that don’t know what CTC means, that’s ‘Cut the Check’. I just go out there and play. Again, somebody just ‘CTC’.”
Gotta love the man’s honesty. Days later, he was traded from Atlanta to Detroit for the basketball equivalent of dogshit, handing the Pistons the 2004 NBA championship and further entrenching the Hawks as one of the worst franchises in sports. In the end, Rasheed got his check and his championship.

In Depth Hockey Playoff Analysis

As expected half of the teams who made the playoffs prevailed in the first round. Expect that trend to hold true in the conference semi-finals and throughout the rest of the run at Lord Stanley's Cup.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Nightly Wrestling Haiku

The Mouth of the South
Eat your heart out Rick Springfield
Jimmy Hart owns you.

*extra points if anyone knows what I am talking about. Click here to refresh your memory.*

Ryan Seacrest is not gay!

As a closet American Idol fan, I cant stand it when someone new in the media proclaims that Ryan Seacreast needs to come out of his. These rumors are completely unfounded and have no basis in fact or reality. For example, did you know that Ryan Seacrest was a former reporter for a San Franciso TV station in which he covered many sporting events for that station (a very manly profession if you ask me)? Below is a sample of his work-hopefully it will help end all these ugly rumors once and for all.

This Guy Sucks Part II

If you're reading this post during the day, you are probably not very good at your job. Fear not, as you cannot be as bad at what you are paid to do as Will Nieves, back-up catcher for the Yankees. In his his last 3 years, he has had 25 at bats. He has reached base in none of those at bats, including his 15 plate appearances this year. Last night, he was so abysmal that the Yankees had to use their emergency catcher in an April regular-season game. And he's freaking 29 years old (read: not getting any better). Aren't there more than 30 decent catchers in the world? How could a team with a $196,000,000 payroll chose between this douche and Todd Pratt to back-up a 36-year-old Jorge Posada?

What is This Bat for Again?

Pittsburgh Pirates top offseason acquisition Adam LaRoche finally had a positive impact on a game yesterday smacking his third home run of the season. His 1-4 performance skyrocketed his average to a blistering .105. At this point the Mendoza line is just a mirage for the first base slugger. If history is any sign, LaRoche's home run yesterday is not good news for the Buccos. He followed up his two previous home runs this year with 0-15 and 0-10 performances respectively. This can't make the Mets happy as the Pirates were undoubtedly planning on trading LaRoche away in August for some minor leaguer who they think will be the next Kevin Elster.

The Flushing Flash

Sorry for being so NY-centric today, but I am a New Yorker, so you will have to deal with it sometimes. I'm sorry for living in the center of the universe. Anyway, some guy was arrested at Shea on Friday night for shining a high powered flash light at Braves pitcher Tim Hudson and shortstop Edgar Renteria. Worst case scenario- he gets 1 yr in jail and $5,000 fine. What a dope! How do you pull this move in an early season game where the Mets are down by 7 runs? Save the flashlight gag for a crucial moment in a playoff game or at least an important regular season contest. Now ushers, players, umps, and fans are all hip to the game and chance for something like this to succeed again is close to nil. Way to go jerk.

How Sweep It Is To Be Gloved By You

Excuse the Marvin Gaye/James Taylor pun, it's been a long weekend. So the big sports story from this weekend was the Red Sox sweeping the Yankees. I can't wait to hear the hoopleheads call into Mike and the Mad Dog today talking about how the sky is falling, proclaiming to be the worst team in the history of baseball. It promises to be knee-jerk reactionism at its best. Sure their starting pitching, as currently constituted, is as intimidating Sanjaya in a sundress (1 point for topical humor!) and their bullpen makes me look fondly upon the mid-1990's Mets bullpen made up of such luminaries as Doug Henry, Jerry Dipoto, and some guy named Mauro Gozzo. But they still have arguably the best lineup in the majors (as well as the best hitter in ARod) and as long as the pitchers can hold the opposition to six runs or so (a fairly daunting task at this point) the Yanks will still be in a good position to win the game. Plus there is hope on the horizon with Mussina and Wang coming off the DL, but that's assuming that Wang and Mussina can roughly replicate last year's performance and as we all know it is very difficult to maintain pitching success from year to year. As far as the bullpen goes, Mariano will be fine despite his two recent meltdowns. There have been several times over the past few years that he has hit a rough patch and he has always summarily recovered to become well...Mariano. The rest of the bullpen is a huge liability however, as Farnsworth is a mess and Proctor appears to be severely missing Captain Harris. Maybe a call to Houston inquiring into Brad Lidge's availability is in order? The big winner in all of us? Well there are a few. First Red Sox and Met/Sox fans, as well as all Yankee haters. It sure is satisfying to bask in the afterglow of the team with the highest payroll in baseball being embarrassing swept by it's hated rival. (Note: I don't want to hear "But the Mets and Sox have payrolls over $100 million." The gap between the Yanks and the Red Sox is roughly $52 million. Pittsburgh, Arizona, Washington, Tampa Bay, and Florida all have payrolls of $52 million or lower. There are 12 teams that fall into the area between $143 M- $90M- a $53 M gap.) The other big winner is none other than Roger Clemens as long as the pitching deficiencies remain. If the Yanks are in contention but scuffling along in June/July, I'm sure Mr. Steinbrenner will be more than willing to open up his checkbook and give the Rocket whatever he wants, which Clemens will then use to leverage the Astros into a even better deal than he had last year- maybe $25 million per start, all you can eat bbq in the clubhouse, and a Mike Piazza dummy for him to throw at would seal the deal?

A Special SYHD Thanks To...

A very special SYHD thanks to Mike over at for linking us on his page and to for mentioning us in his mailbag. Good legwork on that Ostertag. SYHD welcomes all those checking out our site from their sites. Hopefully you will enjoy the content and come back for more irrelevant and irreverent postings.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Nightly Wrestling Haiku

He's a country boy
You don't go messin' with him
He beat up midgets.

(He's Hillbilly Jim by the way)

Big Day of Hoops

If you're anything like me or Joey Crawford you have nothing better to do today than sit back and enjoy 12 straight hours of playoff basketball. What better way to get pumped up for a full day of bball than watching the greatest intro to a sporting event ever ? (easily on of John Tesh's top 15 compositions). A few quick predicitions for today:

Cleveland 98 Washington 82-anytime the phrases "Michael Ruffin" and "significant playoff minutes" appear in the same sentence, it is probably safe to go ahead and reserve those May 5th tee times.

Phoenix 121 LA Lakers 102-this series will be Kobe's biggest embarrassment outside of the state of Colorado.

Denver 98 San Antonio 97-if there is a god Poppovich and the whiners will be 1 and done this year.

Dallas 110 Golden St. 106-Look for a big day from Germany's favorite son (David Hasslehoff notwithstanding).

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Nightly Wrestling Haiku

Chavo Guerrero
Apologize to Grandma
Where did Pepe go?

Alan Faneca is Fishing For a Raise

You know football season has officially started when the first vastly underpaid Steeler meekly threatens to strike vengeance upon the frugal Steeler ownership. Alan Faneca wants a raise and he is stopping at nothing to get it. In fact, Faneca is so serious, he has boycotted ALL THREE DAYS of this weekend's voluntary workout. Look out MLK Jr., this guy knows how to protest. What Faneca fails to account for is that the Steelers no longer need an all pro guard. They now have former Bucs guard Sean Mahan to anchor that line. Anyone from that Bucs line last year must be awesome. Have fun in Arizona Faneca!!!

*Ostertag Note*
For the love of God, please let Pittsburgh extend the contract of Faneca. They have held their pocketbook this offseason like an 85 year old woman at J.C. Penny's.