Thursday, April 26, 2007

People Needs Corrective Lenses

People Magazine has named Drew Barrymore as it's "Most Beautiful Person" of 1992, err I mean 2007. Now, perhaps Mrs. Barrymore has a gangbusters personality and is a great humanitarian, but the most beautiful person in sports/entertainment/politics, she is not. Now if this award was bestowed upon her after her tour de force performance in Poison Ivy when she looked like this, I would be lauding this decision, but she has gone through more boom/bust cycles than the U. S. economy. Barrymore seems to alternate from bloated/unattractive to attractive on a per movie basis. She is like the Bret Saberhagen of Hollywood. Before he became perennially injured, the former Royals hurler would be a cy young level pitcher during odd numbered years, yet would easily be mistaken for a run of the mill player during even years. Like Saberhagen even/odd year disparity, Barrymore would appear eminently do-able in one movie (i.e. Charlie's Angels), but unabashedly homely in the next (i.e. Donnie Darko). I know a flick like Darko does not call for her to be a sexpot temptress, but there is no reason for her to let herself go when she is going to have to bust her ass to get in the shape for the her next role calling for a svelte Drew.

Now I know the old saying goes "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," but seriously let's look at some of the other females on this list (I will not discuss male beauty because I am a homophobe). Those deemed less beautiful than Barrymore are as follows: Jessica's Biel and Alba, Scarlett Johansson, Angelina Jolie, Reese Witherspoon, and Tyra Banks. No matter what your personal tastes are, I doubt any reader out there would take Barrymore over at least one of the above mentioned tasties, and thus she can't possibly be worthy of People's Most Beautiful Person title.


Tremont said...

I suppose People Magazine would contend that they factor in more than just physical appearance, when measuring "beauty". However I don't see how you can make a case that her "intangibles" are better than the average Hollywood starlet. I don't even see what makes her so beautiful on the inside. At 32, she is twice divorced and was engaged to two other gentlemen. That doesn't make her a bad person, but it certainly doesn't bolster her case for being the most beautiful person either. This was also an odd choice, because she isn't coming off a particularly big year. If she was coming off the box office equivalent of A-Rod's April, I would live with it.

Finally, I love that in the same article that Mookie says he is a homophobe, he implies that Bret Saberhagen was do-able every other year. Perfect!

JohnnyDakota said...

Good work, Mookie. People will usually throw out the safest, woman-friendly choice, considering for every article like this, they would have to deal with 300 insane lady emails rambling about Jessica Biel being a "brainless skank" or Jessica Alba looking like a "starved whore". I'm sure Andie MacDowell has won this before in a similiar fashion.

Mookie said...

I know that People is looking beyond skin deep beauty, but I like to judge a book by its cover.

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