Monday, September 17, 2007

These People Should Just Kill Themselves

1. OJ Simpson. Seriously what does this dude have to live for anymore? He has taken one of the most precipitous falls of anyone in modern society outside of Britney Spears and any Baldwin brother not named Alec. Depending on who you talk to, OJ is either reviled or seen as a complete joke of a human being, or both. He has to live with the guilt of killing his wife and some random whitey, his kids probably hate him, he is broke (that Hertz money is long gone), and if they were to make another Naked Gun, there is no way he would be cast as Norbert (paging Jerome Bettis). He is a leper in the figurative sense and is perhaps the most universally disliked person in America. He should just end it. I'm sure he can put together a sweet intramural football team down in hell and just run student body right behind Tony Mandarich all day long (oh, Mandarich is still alive??).

2. Justin McCareins. McCareins, you just dropped not one, but two game tying touchdown catches. The love child of Jim Abbott and Dave Dravecky could have caught the first ball Clemens threw to him, yet McCareins did his best Featherstone impression and batted the ball down as if he were Darrell Green.

3. The Mets bullpen. Where's Marshall Applewhite or Jim Jones when you need him? Has there ever been a bigger need for a group suicide?

No comments: