Intro: 50% on the season, 4-0 on the Roper. When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the bar room wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail." I swear I am 85% on games I don’t write about.
The Helen Roper
Minnesota at Michigan (-23.5)
Classic strengths versus weakness game. Minnesota gives the ball away, Michigan takes it. Michigan’s defense forces nearly four turnovers per game and has caused more fumbles than any D in the country. Big house meet turnover prone Freshman QB. On the other side of the ball, the Gophers have the worst pass defense in the country and have decided that starting 3 new freshmen in the secondary this week will make things better. Congratulations Chad Henne, you will now be a first day draft pick again.
The Pick: Michigan 48, Minnesota 10
The Lady Bowerbird
West Virginia (-6.5) at Rutgers
WVU’s offense is quietly hitting on all cylinders, while Rutgers’ offense gets progressively more exposed as one dimensional each week. WVU’s depth at running back has left Slaton and White with fresh legs, while Ray Rice may start to feel the effects of all of those 30+ carry games. The Rutgers defense is not the same unit it was last year. I would love to be in the stands to see the interaction between bumpkin Mountaineer fan and slimeball Rutgers fan this week.
The Pick: West Virginia covers.
Florida International (+40) at Arkansas
I don’t care how bad FIU is, when you are getting this many points this late in the season, you have to take ‘em. Arky probably won’t keep McFadden and Jones in the game for long with USCe, Tenn, Miss. St and LSU coming up over the next month. Take FIU and all of those points.
Duke (+17.5) at FSU- At this point, would it surprise you if Duke beat FSU? Me neither, I’ll take the Dukies to stay within spread.
UCLA (-6) at Washington State- San Diego State (without Marshall Faulk or Dan McGwire) and Idaho (without Mark Schlereth or John Friez). Those are the only two teams Wazzou has beaten this season. UCLA covers.
Clemson (-3.5) at Maryland- Spiller is too good of a player to go this long without a breakout game. He gets it this week against a Maryland team that has been involved in 4 dogfights over the last month. Clemson covers.
The 4 horsemen of the apocalypse
Arizona at Washington (-3.5)- Got a good feeling about this game, but didn’t feel like researching why. Locker’s continued development encourages me. Washington wins big.
South Florida (-4.5) at Connecticut- Speed, Depth and Athleticism too much for team that gets by purely on discipline and player positioning. USF covers.
Virginia (-3) at NC State- Virginia wins by more than one this week. More than 3 actually.
New Mexico at Hawaii (-28)- Paging Colt Brennan. Tim Tebow called you a pussy. Hawaii covers.
Outro: Jets and the Skins this week in the NFL. Ever since I bet Jack Burton straight up in a game of cutthroat canasta, I'm driving the Pork Chop Express. 5-2 that's a half ass 10-4, over.