Poorly thought through version of the Friday Six-Pack.
Intro: I sort of wish that Mookie had continued to forget to post last weeks picks, considering that I was a piss-poor 4-6 on the week. For the year, I am wallowing in the halls of mediocrity at 10-10. The good news is that if you have played my Roper, you would be up a sack of fazoles. I clearly haven’t been working hard enough to penetrate a Lady Bowerbird or Hymen. This week you get the down and dirty picks with little to no commentary or analysis. Fuck you billable hour. I am not enamored with a lot of these lines, but feel there is value in playing the tease this week.
The Helen Roper
Louisville at Cincinnati
Line- Nati Cats -10.5
Louisville’s defense is pathetic, I get it. Their offense, however, is dynamic. As scarred as they are as a team, I will still take my chances with the number one pick in next year’s NFL draft against an overrated team that has beaten a bunch of nobodies. Yes, Rutgers, you are a nobody again. Who is Cincinnati’s qb? Who is their best player? Exactly. Take the 10+ and hope to not get Kragthorped.
The Pick: Louisville
The Lady Bowerbirds
UCF at USF
Line- USF -12
While I have been all over USF for the last 2 years, I am more than willing to take 12 points in an instate rivalry. It will be interesting to see USF’s tough run D matched up against one of the best backs in the country that you have never heard of. Watch for UCF to pull the upset straight up, making USF the whore of I-4.
The Pick: UCF
Texas A&M at Texas Tech
Line- Texas Tech -8.5
Harrell and Crabtree will be too much at home for A&M. Franchione is a dead man walking. Texas Tech wins big and hopefully this kid gets to ring the bell. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=rFxwOLbImcU)
The Pick: Texas Tech.
Purdue at Michigan (-6)- My Michigan insider had this to say via email this week: “Make no mistake, the inmates are running the asylum. Word is after the App State loss, the whole team said F it and went on a partying rampage. The university knew, the coaches knew, everyone knew. After the loss to Oregon, the coaches piss tested everyone and a bunch of the “players” came up hot. Lloyd couldn’t suspend them all in the same week, so he has been staggering the suspensions. The wheels will come off this week when we lose to Purdue by 2 touchdowns and the Kirk Ferentz hiring countdown officially begins.” Good enough for me. Purdue is the pick.
South Carolina (-7) at North Carolina. Cock’n’fire is not da U. Smellycock will continue to improve. A tease down to .5 is a near perfect play here.
Va. Tech (-13.5) at Duke. Since Beamer's first season in 1987, a player at every position on the defensive unit has scored at least one touchdown. And at least 25 different players have scored touchdowns while on Tech's special teams. No secret that Beamerball defeats turnover prone teams. Duke is improved, but they are still Duke. Teasing down to a touchdown is a great play here with Tech.
The 4 horsemen of the apocalypse
Auburn at Arkansas (-3). McFadden is badly in need of a signature conference effort to solidify Heisman candidacy.
LSU (-9.5) at Kentucky. Let down game, but a tease down to 3 is a great play on the #1 team in the country at KENTUCKY.
Missouri at Oklahoma (-10.5)- I was very impressed with Oklahoma when I saw them live last week. Athletic receivers make the difference here.
Georgia (-7) at Vanderbilt- 74% of the smart money has been on Georgia. The Dawgs are tough on the road in SEC play, despite last weeks disappointment. Leg humpers by 10.
NFL Freebie- Take the under in Ravens/Rams at 37.5. Rams wont score and Ravens cant score 37.
Outro: This entire column took me 14 minutes to research and write. I am guessing it will be far more successful than my last two because of that very reason.