Sunday, October 21, 2007

Eight Overrated Ladies from the Eighties (#7)


7) The Hemingway Sisters- Mariel is a handsome devil. That strong jaw line; those intense, beady blue eyes. A fella like that will make a man reconsider his sexuality. What's that? He's a she? Wheww! I really dodged that rainbow colored bullet. Now if you tell me Rob Lowe is a chick, I can reclaim my unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality.

I can't figure out what anybody ever saw in Mariel Hemingway. Besides her mannish features, she is very awkward. Mariel seems completely uncomfortable on camera. She has always looked like she just found out about her sister's suicide. Margeaux, the aforementioned sister who did the right thing, looked a bit more feminine, but was also wildly overrated.
Brooke Shields is not on this list, because her Y chromosome didn't become evident until the '90s. For most of the '80s, she was legimitately attractive.

Confession: I overplayed my whole "Mariel Hemingway is a dude" hand here. She doesn't look THAT bad. However, part of me is hoping that she googles her name on a daily basis and finds this post. Perhaps she is on the verge of offing herself and some harsh words from an obscure blog will be the straw that broke the camel's back. I would be proud to be the guy that turned the Hemingways into the mainstream Von Erichs.

(Ernest Hemingway sucked ass as writer as well. You're a worldly author and a rugged everyman. We get it.)

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Have you read any of Ernest Hemingway's writing? Try something simple from one of the Nick Adams Stories, or better yet, The Old Man and the Sea.

Tremont said...

I have read The Old Man and the Sea and The Sun Also Rises. Hemingway somehow manages to write page after mind-numbingly dry page, without plot development or colorful language. I doubt I will ever try reading his work again.

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry to hear that. I am guessing you are in your twenties or early thirties. There is an interesting connection between those who were first exposed to Hemingway (and other first half century American writers) in the late 1980s and 1990s and those who share your view. During that time, Hemingway was, to be blunt, trashed by many American English teachers. There was an anti-Hemingway wave throughout the U.S. secondary education system over these years (very pronounced in public schools). For some reason, it only lasted about 15 years and now he is back in the canon for any serious student of literature. Our tastes and appreciation of art (music, visual, literary, etc.) is heavily influenced by our background and education. Do give the Nick Adams Stories a chance.

Ernest Hemmingway said...

My ears are burning

Tremont said...

Ernest, that burning sensation is from the shotgun blast.

Greg Ostertag Body Spray said...

Everytime I watch Rob Lowe in Youngblood I get tingly in all the wrong places.

Molly Ringwald said...

2 for 2 Tremont