Thursday, January 3, 2008

The Top 9: Least Productive Guys in the NBA

As I was sitting at work today I came to the realization that I probably had 15 productive minutes this morning in a span of 4 1/2 hours. Which got me to thinking, I think someone needs to honor those who do significantly less than that on a much larger stage. So without further ado, I present to you the nine least productive stiffs in all of the association. Why nine you ask? Who would want to read somebody's top 10 list when you could read a top 9 ( this is similar to the theory behind "7 minute abs". And yes, if you come up with a top 8 list I will disembowel you and leave your rotting carcass in a suitcase)

#9- Erick Dampier-Once had two points and five rebounds in a forty minute effort in a must-win playoff game. Mark Cuban paid this guy the same money he refused to pay Steve Nash.

#8- Bruce Bowen- the most one dimensional starter in the league.

#7-Quentin Richardson- right behind Bowen in terms of one-dimensionality. If you count taking and missing eight three pointers a game as a dimension.

#6-Ben Wallace-Jerome James thinks this guy stopped trying after signing a new multi-year deal.

#5-Quentin Ross-Bruce Bowen without the one dimension.

#4-Larry Hughes-Will go down in Cleveland sports history as the sole reason that Lebron James refused to re-sign.

#3-Eddy Curry-Amazingly, not the highest Knick on this list. If Curry gets any fatter he will be the first player in NBA history to get simultaneously called for an offensive and defensive three second violation.

#2-Jason Collins-Was given a multi-million dollar extension by the Nets for his ability to lean on Shaquille O'neal.

#1 Jared Jeffries-The perfect storm of unproductivity. Can't shoot, can't rebound, can't pass, plays overrated defense and is costing the Knicks 40 million plus against the cap. The Anucha-Brown Sanders payout will pale in comparison to the courtside fan that sues MSG when an errant Jeffries three-ball caves in his face.


Greg Ostertag Body Spray said...

You got 15 minutes of work done? That is a weeks worth for me. You deserve a vacation.

Mookie said...

I did roughly 8.75 hours of work today. I'm miserable.

Eddy Curry said...

I'm as three dimensional as it gets.