Monday, January 21, 2008

Eight Overrated Ladies of the 80s (#1): The Chinese Democracy of Posts


Three months after I began this awful countdown, it reaches its merciful conclusion. I really know how to write a column, huh? Build a modest amount of interest, wait until everyone has forgotten about it, then return with a lackluster post. Better never than late.

1) Daryl Hannah- No woman has ever better fit the phrase "looks good from far, but far from good". Tall, blonde, with a super model figure, Daryl Hannah has the shell of truly gorgeous woman. I guess that is enough for most to find her attractive. However something is seriously amiss with this would-be beauty.

It's tough to perfectly pinpoint what it is about her face that I find so unappealing. She just vaguely gives off the vibe that she was slapped together in a "Weird Science" type experiment, but something went slightly wrong. Her sunken features give her the appearance of the re-animated corpse of a gorgeous woman who past away just long enough to start decomposing. Like Mr. Bentley on "The Jeffersons", her head is too long, making her look like the world's shortest sufferer of giantism.

Frustration with her deceiving ugliness led Jackson Browne to physically abuse Daryl Hannah during their relationship. I can't blame him. JFK Jr. went so far as to crash his plane to escape the haunting images of her grotesque face.

And this is how this series ends. Not with a bang, but with a whimper.

3 comments:

Greg Ostertag Body Spray said...

I enjoyed waiting in suspense between posts. It was like the build-up between Sopranos seasons.

Libertarian said...

My best friend lives in Malibu.

He has seen DH from afar many times and finally did the touristy-thing and walked right up to her and asked if he could have his pic taken with her. They had both been surfing earlier.

He said that she looks very good up close. If she's had plastic surgery, it paid off. Not a teenager, but still looks better than many teens do at 18.

C'mon. Give it up for the Day Hay, would ya? She's one in a billion.

I WOULD like to see the offspring of Daryl and Ted Nugent. That'd be quite a pairing, eh?

Tremont said...

I feel like libertarian's last 2 paragraphs were part an inside joke that I am not privy to.