I attended the UF-Michigan bowl game yesterday. As a Florida fan, it was a very frustrating to watch an overmatched Gator secondary get exploited worse than underage Cambodian whore. Every Florida blitz was picked up, while Wolverine defense players were allowed to romp free around the Gator backfield. If it wasn't for two goal line fumbles by UM, the game would have been a blowout.
In order to take my mind off of the game, I turned my attention to a rather interesting in-game promotion. By texting 28553 and coughing up $2 bucks, you could get a message up on the scoreboard. Some people put up really cool, imaginative messages like, "Tebow, You Rule! -N. Skop" or "Go Gators- Jeff Glassman" obviously not seeing the huge potential to absolutely burn someone in front of 60,000 people.
I started out with a few gay marriage proposals from one friend to another, which garnered a few good laughs. After a few more beers, I really saw the nefarious potential of these barely censored texts.
SYHD contributor, Side Salad, best known for his run-on paragraphs and one overrated/underrated column, was at the game with his girlfriend of four years. To provide some back story, within the past six months, her two younger sisters became engaged and one of those sisters just got hitched a week or two ago. At the wedding reception, the bouquet was walked right up to Side Salad's girlfriend, Jennifer, and all the guys dispersed around him when the garter belt was thrown. To say there is a little pressure on Side Salad to get down on bended knee is a little bit of an understatement. The couple even got into a big fight over the weekend when Side Salad told her to stop talking about marriage.
So having full knowledge of this, towards the end of the third quarter I sent the following text to the scoreboard, "Jennifer [last name redacted]. You had me at hello. Will you marry me? [Side Salad's real name]."
Thankfully for the future of their relationship, neither Salad nor his girlfriend saw the message, but several co-workers and one family member did spot the faux proposal as it scrolled across the jumbotron, which has led to many awkward conversations over the past 24 hours.
[Disclaimer: I was going to put a disclaimer up with this post about how I did see the College Humor prank when it was originally posted, but that it did not enter my mind at the game. Anyway, the post was designed to show how dangerous allowing anyone to text practically anything on a scoreboard in front of tens of thousands of people can be dangerous. Also, as Johnny Dakota put it, I'm a hack who is the Dane Cook of blogging]