SYHD: Your Source for Hot Tranny Action

Before I get to the fun stuff, I have a point far more important than any other that has ever been made on this site. If you found this post by Google searching "hot tranny action", do yourself a favor and check out Revelation 16. Do you really wanna be on the business end of that shit storm? Repent!

Now to the MLB transactions. The last couple of weeks have been highlighted by clubs wisely following the John Hart template and locking up youngsters through their twenties. Teams rarely live to regret such decision. Apologies in advance for the redundant praise heaped on these deals.

• Yankees sign Robinson Cano for 4 years $30 million, with club options that could take the package to 6 years $56 million: The Yankees locked up the odds on favorite to be the best second baseman of the next six years for less than $10 million per year. This pleases me to no end.
• Rockies sign Troy Tulowitski for 6 years $31 million and Matt Holliday for 2 years and $23 million. Like Cano, Tulo isn't a bad bet to be the best shortstop in baseball for the life of this contract. Sure the Rockies could have paid him a half million for the next 2 years, but to what end? If he progresses like everyone thinks he will, they would might have had to pay twice that in arbitration/free agency. Matt Holliday is good player who appears great in Coors Field, which is infested with invisible ball-carrying fairies. (Science was always my weakest subject). Thus he is a strong candidate to be overrated. However, this contract represents a fair valuation of his skills.
• D-Rays sign Carlos Pena to a 3 year deal worth $24 million. I don't expect Pena to ever reproduce his 2007 season, but he won't have to in order to justify this contract. He has always had one of the sweetest swings in the game. This is why his lack of production was a complete mystery for so many years. Perhaps this problem has been solved and he is on a late blooming David Ortiz-type career path. Even if he isn't the next Big Papi, he should be more than an adequate first baseman for the next three years.
• White Sox sign Octavio Dotel for 2 years $11 million. Pretend for a moment that I am a White Sox fan and I have been on a fruitless robbery spree in Texas with my best friend, and White Sox GM, Ken Williams. This would be my conversation with him after the Dotel signing...

Tremont: "You don't give $11 million to a middle reliever who hasn't pitched more than 30 innings since 2004! That's inappropriate! That's inexcusable! That I don't forgive! What were you thinking?"

Williams: Don't call him a middle reliever.

Tremont: That's what he is.

Williams: Don't call him a middle reliever! His name is Octavio.

Tremont: And my name is Tremont. So what?

Shortly after this exchange I would jab him in the nose with a screwdriver.

(If that dialogue made no sense to you, don't continue to be a jerk. Watch "Bottle Rocket". Right after you finish reading Revelations.)