Thursday, July 5, 2007
They Couldn't Just Leave It Well Enough Alone
Was there really a need to bring back Alvin and the Chipmunks? I loved them when I was six, but that was twenty years ago and now I think I'm slightly outside of the targeted demographic for this flick. Seriously, when was the last time they were even on TV? Is a trend forming where 1980's cartoons are reborn 20 yrs later in movie form catering to a nostalgic fanbase as well as to impressionable children who like anything marketed to them? At least Transformers were kickass robots, but looking back on it Alvin and the Chimpmunks were borderline gay and Dave comes off as a bit of a beastial pedophile. So which defunct cartoons will become the next Hollywood movie? Here are the odds:
GI Joe: 2-1. This movie would reign as long as Snakeyes has a large part
The Smurfs: 5-1 . Kids would eat this up and Vanity Smurf could become a gay icon. Dustin Hoffman to play Gargamel?
Thundercats and He-Man, tied at 8-1. I never really liked either of these, but I know plenty of people who did, so I had to include them. Besides, Mumthra and Skeletor would make for pretty awesome villains though.
Voltron: 12-1: Voltron may have been a little obscure for a Hollywood studio to dish out big bucks, but since it is a copycat industry there is a chance someone will take a flier on converting another robot cartoon. The forming of Voltron on the big screen would be worth the ticket price alone. It's also not up for debate that Sven has to be part of the film in some way as he really got a raw deal being killed off in the second episode. (On a side note, how cool is it that someone actually got killed in a cartoon. You never see that happen. Think of how many shots were fired in GI Joe, yet how often would a character die.) I considered Go Bots for this spot, but they were just a cheap Transformers knock-off and are not worthy of a 5 minute short let alone a feature length film.
18-1: The Real Ghostbusters. Oh wait, nevermind.
1000-1: Jabberjaw . Man this Hanna-Barbera cartoon about a cowardly shark sucked. He was part of a rock band which I guess is kind of cool, but their tunes were bland and derivative, so it actually blew.