Friday, November 16, 2007

The Friday Six Pack

Intro: Losing bets sucks. Losing money sucks even more. Apparently much knowledge does not teach wisdom, for I am 34-35-1 on the year after going 4-6 last week (still 6-1 on the Roper for the year). A little learning misleadeth, and a great deal often stupifieth the understanding. So sayeth someone-eth I rememberest from a 300 level philosophy classeth I once tooketh. Since I am so doggone mediocre this year, I have decided to present you with options. I will make my picks for each game and then I will employ a game of chance to pick the game. The way I have been picking as of late, the games of chance may be the better option to play.

The Helen Roper: Missouri (-7) at Kansas State.

My pick: Mizzou to cover. KSU gave up 73 last week to Nebraska and was outgained by nearly 300 yards. Mizzou is averaging 42 points a game, is 9-2 in their last 11 ATS and has a lot to play for.

Game of chance pick- The call someone's name game: When I call the guy in the office next to mine's name if he says "Yeah" Mizzouri will cover, if he says "Yo, what, huh, yes, or any other variation," Kansas State is the pick. Here goes.......

Looks like Mizzou will win and cover.

The Lady Bower Bird

Western Michigan at Iowa (-14)- 71% of the smart money is on Iowa. Iowa is in need of a big win at home to close out the season in what has been a disappointing year. Iowa is still looking to move up in the bowl selection process, and keep the increasingly malcontent fan base happy in doing it. I say Iowa covers.

Game of chance pick- Picking names from a hat: Lugo the cleaning guy pulled Western Michigan.

West "f*cking" Virginia (-6.5) at Cincinnati- Here is to Slaton and White owning the Nati Cats 3 years in a row. I say WFV covers.

Game of chance pick- Quarter flip: Heads WFV, tails Cincy. I present the quarter to myself. I stand on opposite sides at different times to acknowledge that I know what team is which. I toss the coin, let it fall to the ground and it lands on........ tails. Cincy is the game of chance pick.

The Hymen

Oklahoma (-8.5) at Texas Tech- With most of Tech's receiving corps out, it won't have the passing game continuity in place to score what it will take to keep up with Oklahoma. Don't forget OU is averaging nearly 500 yards a game while holding opponents in the teens. OU covers and makes a statement doing it.

Game of chance pick- Cutting cards: 2-8 Oklahoma, 9-A Texas Tech. King of Diamonds it is, so take Texas Tech and the points. I am starting to get the itch to fly to Vegas tonight.

Kentucky at Georgia (-8)- Although Kentucky has never brought an offense to Sanford Stadium as good as this one, Stafford and Moreno have been clicking as of late. Georgia beats UK by more than 8 and roots for the Commode Doors against Rocky Top.

Game of chance pick- shooting dice: 1-6 Georgia, 7-12 Kentucky. After a kiss off of the rail, I shot a Little Joe from Kokomo. Georgia the hardway is the play all the way around here. Tip your stickman.

Oklahoma State (-14.5) at Baylor- OSU needs this win to become bowl eligible with Oklahoma looming next week. Baylor stinks, as their only wins have come against Rice, Texas State and Buffalo. I'll take the Pokes.

Game of chance pick- the hotter chearleader google image search: Granted, this does have a subjective element to it, but I will look at the first five images that pop up and pick based on that. Here goes. Baylor yields a pasty girl doing a vag exposing contortionist routine, a girl with 24 exposures of film on her teeth, a DUDE, and an 11 year old. Cmon OSU, you can do better than that. Alright, Alright. The first pic is a curvy blonde vixon, the second is a flat girl next door type, and the others were less than impressive. Considering that OSU had at least two that were doable, I am going with the the Cowgirls to make it unanimous.

The 4 horsemen of the Apocalypse
BC at Clemson (-7.5)- Clemson
Hawaii at Nevada (+8)- Nevada
Iowa State (+26.5) at Kansas- Iowa State
LSU (-18.5) at Mississippi- LSU

Outro: Good and bad come mingled always. The long time winner is the man who is not unreasonably discouraged by persistent streaks of ill-fortune , nor at other times made reckless with the thought that he is fortune's darling. He keeps a cool head and trusts in simpler, more logical things like coin flips and google searches to prove the laws of probability exceed the capabilities of the human mind. Caveat emptor.

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