Intro: The real world has bitch slapped me today, so I feed you the Six Pack for consumption only by funnel. Zima's went down smooth last week as I went 6-3-1, bringing my totals for the year to 30-29-1. Roper didnt put out.
The Roper: Kentucky -3.5 at Vandy.
No better way to feel good about yourself than to beat up the neighborhood nerd. Some things never change. Personally, I just hope none of those gentle, enlightened kids get hurt. Loser has to funnel sour mash.
The Pick: Kentucky 34, Vandy 20
The Lady Bowerbird
USC (-4) at California- Pete Caroll threatens to take out taxes from their paychecks and reduce performance bonuses if the Trojans dont start covering. If that is not motivation, I dont know what is my nige. USC wins by enough.
Florida (-6.5) at South Carolina- Okay, I’m going to bet on god's team. This inevitably will cost me money. Florida covers.
Alabama (-4.5) at Mississippi State- I feel like I should care about this game, but I don’t. So best of luck to both teams…and hopefully Bama wins and covers.
Arkansas (PK) at Tennessee- He's a joker, he's a smoker, he's LaMarcus Coker...0-4 on piss tests in two years. Bravo, young man. Enjoy ketchup sandwiches and diluted tang for the rest of your life. I wonder if McFadden ever ponders how with 85 scholarships they only got two good players. I mean, seriously, is Casey Dick the best QB they have at Arkansas? You mean to tell me that there isn't some Kappa Alpha type somewhere on campus who can throw a post corner to get at least one of those eleven men out of the box? Fake an injury Darren, it ain’t worth it. Mookie needs you next year. Somehow McFadden carries Arkansas to the win again this week.
Virginia at Miami (-4)- Miami sucks, but I never bet against the subplot. The OB will be rocking at night in its last game with thuggeration at its highest. Besides, I absolutely cannot stand a team that can read and play football, and Miami does not have that problem. DA U supersoaks those hoes.
The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Illinois (+15.5) at Ohio State- Picking the Zooker on the road late in the year against the #1 team in the country makes perfect sense in a year where nothing makes sense. Bizzarro pick all the way. Zooker stays within.
Connecticut (+6) at Cincinnati- These Huskies might not suck. I'll be damned. Khalid Al-Amin must be getting so fat from this winning streak. Have another frosty, tubalub.
Arizona State (-7) at UCLA- UCLA can't stand to score more points than the other team. Beelzebub wins again.
Kansas at Oklahoma State (+6)- Kansas fans got all excited last week so we all know what happens now…
Outro: Gambling is a bottomless pit. A machine in which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage. So here is to another week of giving up my skin at the hopes of retaining my bones.