Saturday, December 29, 2007

Eight Most Overrated Ladies of the 80s (#2)

A special treat for our 800th post.

2) Molly Ringwald- That orange hair! Not auburn or strawberry blonde; both of which can be sexy on the right girl...Clown wig orange. (When will I stop writing sentence fragments?)
I am attracted women of all kinds. Black women, Latinas, Asians, brunettes, blondes. After years of not seeing anything beautiful in Indian/Middle Eastern gals, I now have the hots for many of them as well.
But I have NEVER been attracted to a woman with orange hair. I consider it a small victory if I don't barf in their presence. They invariably look unwell.
My revulsion was not borne of a lack of exposure to red/orange hair at an early age. My father was afflicted with this hideous condition. He had the good fortune of graying noticeably by his late 20s, sparing me from ever absorbing the full brunt of his unsightly prime.
In well lit environments, my hair bears slight traces of this scarlet curse. Those recessive genes are a cunt. Therefore I fully understand that if I don't mate wisely, I will have to give my offspring the Susan Smith treatment.
I know I'm not alone on this one. In fact I think I'm in the majority. Which is why it's so ridiculous that John Hughes tried to shove Molly Ringwald down our collective throats as some kind of teenage sex symbol. Obviously it worked because The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, and Pretty in Pink were all monster hits. More than 20 years later, each is still in regular rotation on cable. Yet I have never met anyone who thought Ringwald was hot.
P.S. She wouldn't even look good with brown hair as she has really Plain Jane features and her body is remarkably unremarkable.

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