Quote of the Night at a Random Port St. Lucie Bar

"I was just taking a shot with Ron Darling, and he said that you look hot as hell."

-The pick up line of some guy who was just taking shots with above average 1990's Mets Pitcher Ron Darling.

The Man Can Turn a Phrase

During Wednesday night's Knicks-Bobcats game announcer Mike Breen, whom I usually like, said the following during banter about who the best team in the Eastern Conference is:

"This year, Boston is the flavor of the month."

What an incongruous thing to say.

That's all I've got...

Thank You Cablevision

A decade ago it would have been unheard of for a St. John's-Georgetown game not to be on TV. Now a matchup that would have once been featured on ESPN has been relegated to ESPNU which my cable provider, the Dolan Family's own Cablevision, does not carry. For the first time I can say without sarcasm, thank you Charles and Jim Dolan. If your company carried the U, I would invariably force myself to sit through at least an hour and a half of that game or until G'Town opened up a 25 point lead, whichever came first(probably the latter). Instead my night is now free to watch AMC's double header of Enter the Dragon and Karate Kid. (I don't care if Simmons singlehandedly played this movie out, I still mark out for it.)

It's time for Norm Roberts to go. St. John's has been unwatchable for years, thanks in large part to the ultimate fraud, Mike Jarvis, but the program during Stormin' Norman's 5 years has not made any type of progress. Norm has brought in only one recruit that other notable programs were interested in; Justin Burrell. The team is miserable in the half court set, sloppy when running the court, lazy when playing defense, and lacks a player with better shooting range than the Duck Hunt gun. Under Norm, St. John's has not played one important game, and the program has not had a meaningful game since the 2003 NIT championship (if that even counts as meaningful).

His stubbornness is equally as frustrating. Norm insists on playing Eugene Lawrence despite his proclivity for committing turnovers, his ugly shot, the receedingist hairline in the history of man, and decision making that rivals the ESPN HR Department. He insists on sitting Larry Wright, the one guy who can almost consistently hit an open shot because he has defensive lapses. Hey Norm, when the team scores 12 points in a half in a Big East game, it might be time to put some guys on the floor who can actually put the ball in the hoop.

So, who's next to coach SJU? There were some rumors regarding Pitino. Not likely. Calipari? Over Louie Carnesecca's non-cancerous ridden body (Coach Cal as an assistant for Pitt used to tell recruits that Louie had cancer). Paul Hewitt? He's another name that has been routed in and out of the rumor mill, but he's good friends with Norm and while he would be an upgrade (who wouldn't) he's not a knock out hire. Whoever the next coach is is walking into a very tough situation. Few current recruits can remember a time when St. John's was not just relevant, but competitive. The AAU bridges that were burnt by Jarvis have not been fully rebuilt. Lastly, a small Catholic school does not have the resources to compete with the big time state schools in the Big East, so a the new coach better have an established name or be an extreme go-getter.

Ok, I'm not wasting any more time on this post because besides Tremont and myself I don't know anyone who still cares about this once historic program.

It Happens Every Spring

Every spring, in every camp in MLB, variations of all the following stories run.

- (Insert aging star) feels better than he has in 5 years
- (Insert last year's disappointment) has (changed attitude/lost weight/added muscle/regained velocity/added another pitch)
- (Insert scrub/non-descript prospect) is turning some heads.
- (Insert fun-loving off-season acquisition) has helped loosen up the clubhouse. Or conversely (insert intense, no-nonsense acquisition) has brought professionalism to the team.

And every year I buy into the hype and start having visions of a 140-22 season.

Draftnik Parental Control

I like to imagine Mel Kiper Jr. watching Todd McShay's spots on SportsCenter the way a jealous boyfriend watches his gal's dates on MTV's Parental Control. I see Kiper cockily sprawled out on a Disney executive's coach as the suits tell him that McShay is everything Kiper is not. A defiant Kiper spits out a bunch of canned zingers about McShay and the execs. Then he lifts his leg, farts, waves it in the direction of the Disney executives, and says "You know you like it".

When Scott Van Pelt and McShay return from their date, Van Pelt has a tough decision to make. He weighs the pros and cons of staying with Kiper.

"Mel, your a real nice guy sometimes and we have a lot of history...BUT...You look like Dracula and you don't respect me. I choose Todd."

Disney executives celebrate. A dumbfounded Kiper says ESPN is skanky anyway, farts again, then splits.

Really?

On Sportscenter this morning, ESPN draftnik not named Mel Kiper Jr., Todd McShay, reported that USC DT Sedrick (sp?) Ellis' stock dropped because he only ran a 5.2 40 yard dash. Really? Is there a worse measure of a DT's NFL effectiveness than his 40 time? I wonder what Ted Washington or Sam Adams' 40 times were when they were taking on blockers, clogging holes, and stopping the run. Granted Ellis does not have the size of those guys and will have to rely on some agility and speed, but his 40 time is completely irrelevant as to whether he has the quick speed burst to get through the gaps and disrupt plays. The 40 has become a be all and end all of the combine, but it should really be taken into the context of the position more than the player.

I Love this Game!

By my count there are between 9 and 11 NBA fanbases (Lakers, Spurs, Suns, Mavs, Rockets, Jazz, Hornets, Celtics, Pistons and the Nuggets and Cavs if you're generous) that have the right to feel like they have a Championship contender. It's terrific. I really can't understand how any non-Bulls fan could pine for the predictable Jordan era.

Who's Left?

Call me a Brian Cashman mark. Until proven otherwise I'm under the assumption that he walks on water. Rightly or wrongly, I blame all of the Yankees terrible signings of the past decade (Pavano, Wright, Womack, etc.) on the Tampa faction of the organization. I base this assumption on the fact that Cashman has always been a Saber-savvy guy and that the aforementioned busts were predictable for anyone with a rudimentary understanding of advanced metrics.

Since he wrested nearly complete control of personnel decisions after the 2006 season, Cashman has an almost (cough...Igawa...cough) unblemished record. He has not gummed up the roster with highly paid veteran mediocrities. Instead he has aggressively, but not recklessly, promoted his prospects (Cabrera, Hughes, Chamberlain, Kennedy) to play key roles on the major league roster, with excellent results. In an offseason that many thought would be a disaster, Cashman re-signed all of his key free agents; A-Rod, Posada, Abreu, Pettitte, and Rivera. With his job on the line, Cashman has steadfastly refused to go for the quick fix (Johan Santana) at the expense of the future of a franchise he may not be with for long.

So now that I've slobbered all over Cashman's sack, I have one complaint about this offseason. He should have been able to turn one of his bottomless stockpile of second tier pitching prospects (Horne, Marquez, Kontos, etc) for a dominant lefty set-up man on a non-contender. What are the Pirates doing to do with Damaso Marte? Where are the Orioles going with both George Sherill and Jamie Walker on their roster? Cashman is going into Spring Training hoping against hope that jabronies like Sean Henn and Billy Traber can get a big out against David Ortiz or Travis Hafner. As stacked as the AL is, the Yanks don't have time for futzing with guys who are unlikely to hold down the spot.

Ain't No Sun Shine

I typically scoff at those that draw overreaching conclusions based upon small sample sizes. But I'm not above using them to advance my own arguments. I'm nothing, if not hypocritical. After three games I declare the Shaq trade a disaster for the Suns.

Floating Bonds

I've heard several of the San Francisco Giants talking about how great it is that Bonds isn't around anymore. "He's a distraction, a cancer in the clubhouse, blah blah blah." Terrific, now you can lose 100 games in relative obscurity. Enjoy.

From a strictly selfish reasons, I'm happy not to be bombarded with stories about Barry Bonds anymore. But I try to be more reasonable than romantic in my sports analysis. With that said there are two teams who should be dialing Boras's phone as we speak. Both the Blue Jays and the Mariners need Bonds desperately to get over the hump. First of all, even if he doesn't help the team (which he will), the guy will undoubtedly boast either team's attendance (particularly Toronto). Second neither team has a truly fearsome masher in the middle of their order. Both teams need another lefty bat. Bonds solves both of those problems. Finally there's nothing dumber than spending a crapton of money for a team that is probably going to hang around on the periphery of contention, just to fall a little short. The M's and Jays have a high payroll anyway. What's another $10 or $12 million if it puts them in the playoffs?

Rotten Little Brat

The children in the top reading group in my class are starting "Diary of a Young Girl" next week. Having never read it before, I expected to be heart-broken by poor Anne Frank's story. But after reading the first twelve pages or so, I'm starting to think the bitch got her comeuppance. She's such an unlikeable little cunt; crowing about how all the boys were jockin her and how much smarter and prettier she was than the other gals. Anne you weren't cute, even when you were properly nourished. Nobody likes a snobby little braggart.

You'ld Think I'd Have a Decent "Kidd" Pun

You've gotta love this trade from the Nets' perspective. Jason Kidd was never going to part of another Nets contender. It's clear that the Kidd/Carter/Jefferson nucleus had gone as far as it was going to go. They can't draw stick figures with or without Kidd so it won't affect attendance at all.

Devin Harris is a terrific young player. Hollinger rates him as the best defensive point guard in the league and he is above average on the offensive end as well. It looks like Harris is on his way to a 6 year run as a borderline All-Star. Adding him to a core that includes Richard Jefferson, Marcus Williams, Sean Williams and Josh Boone gives the Nets an excellent young supporting cast, just looking for a star. Jefferson was born to be a championship third option. Josh Boone and Sean Williams are a dynamite young frontline, albeit the type that look a lot better on the offensive end with Kidd spoon-feeding them.

Hopefully the Nets can stink up the joint enough to fall into the lottery, because they are going to need to land a young superstar in order to really start cooking with gas. Obviously finding the great player is the hardest part. But I trust that Rod Thorn will be able to use chips like Vince Carter, Nenad Krstic, and the extra draft picks as chips to find that guy.

So it's obviously a big win for the Nets. And until reading the most recent Sport's Guys column I thought Dallas made out well also. I usually find Simmons entertaining, but rarely all that persuasive. However in this case, he brilliantly lays out why Kidd doesn't really fit the Mavs' personnel. I won't reiterate, click the link.

P.S. I'm thrilled not to have to look at Kidd's creepy son anymore.

Kurt Thomas to the Spurs

Scrappy and ancient, it's amazing it took this long for Kurt Thomas to become a Spur. The Spurs desperately needed help on the front line and they got it. But by plugging the one hole in the dam, they had to take their finger of another. Trading Brent Barry means that, after Ginobili, the Spurs will be offensively challenged at the two/three. They also gave up a first rounder in next year's draft, when they need new blood more than a starving vampire. All things considered, this was still the right move.

Lots of Pieces Move; Very Little Changes (The Cavs/Bulls/Sonics Trade)

The Cavs just pulled off the best trade of the '03-'04 season. Adding a prime Ben Wallace, Wally Szczerbiak, and Joe Smith makes Cleveland a serious title contender.

But seriously folks, I don't think this helps the Cavs all that much this season and certainly does nothing for their future title aspirations. Ben Wallace serves no function anymore. Joe Smith is just another guy. Delonte West looked like a very nice player in his first couple of seasons, but has regressed in the past two. He has been a non-factor on a bad basketball team. Not a good sign. Wally Szczerbiak can still shoot the lights out, but he's probably the least agile swingman in the league. He should still be helpful in small doses.

I actually sort of like this trade from the Bulls point of view. Dumping those old forwards was addition by subtraction. Wallace has been an old, expensive, unproductive malcontent for the Bulls. Plus he is blocking a bunch of unskilled, offensively challenged, younger energy guys. I have always liked Drew Gooden's game, although his numbers indicate that he suffers from Roy Hibbert's Disease (a little known condition that causes a player to be productive only when Tremont is watching him).

Obviously this is a straight salary dump for the Sonics. I'm neither here nor there about the trade from their perspective

My Apologies To Omar Minaya

I've been sitting on this story since New Year's as I wanted to wait for a more timely time to apologize to Omar for bashing his trade of Lastings Milledge. I'm still not happy that the Mets only received a offensively challenged catcher and a fourth outfielder, for the former Mets top prospect, but based on the following story it's apparent that Omar was right to trade the man I affectionately nicknamed Blastings Thrilledge.

A friend of a friend (reliable I know) has a friend who is friends with Lastings Milledge. Got it? This friend of a friend who has a friend (herein referred to as "Friend") hung out with Lastings and his crew in South Florida sometime during the holiday season. Friend is a Mets fan and chatted with Lastings about baseball. Lastings informed Friend that his true love was music and that he only played baseball because he was naturally gifted at the sport. Milledge aka LMillz stated that he did not really care for baseball and has no inclination to improve through hardwork, such as watching video of his at bats, shagging extra fungos, or taking additional batting practice. He is content to simply go as far as his talent will take him and that's it.

If Milledge is willing to divulge his lack of work ethic to a random twenty-something, I doubt it was much of a secret within the Mets organization. Perhaps, they thought that Milledge would outgrow this immaturity, realize the "Bend Ya Kneez" may have been the worst rap song ever produced, and actually try to reach his potential. By the time the Mets came to the conclusion that wouldn't be the case, similar word had probably spread to other front offices, and thus the trade market for Milledge was greatly depressed from what it once was. Though his natural talent may make him a more productive player than Ryan Church, Omar was right the deal someone who has no inclination to improve.

On a side note, Milledge told Friend that next time he was out on the town with the Milledge (what I assume he refers to his posse as) he was going to hire a camera crew to film the night's festivities. Always a smart idea.

Gonna Go Back in Time!

I would give all of my money (well over $400) to buy Dwight Howard an oversized Delorean and send him back to 1965 to play NBA ball. Look at this beast. Bill Russell would shit himself.

Jealous Much, GOBS?

The Brooklyn middle school at which I "teach" had a Career Day today. Among the no-name doctors, nurses, MEs, video editors, a dude who played one season with the Eagles, and a DJ on Kiss FM in New York, was Michael K. Williams, the gentleman who plays Omar Little on "The Wire". I know many of my readers are huge fans of the show. In fact, I'm probably the only laggard in my circle of friends that hasn't completely gotten on board the show's bandwagon. It's not that I dislike it. The few episodes that I have caught here and there were awesome. I've just never made it appointment viewing, and now it's a big to-do to catch up.

Anyway, I was unable to ask him any hard hitting "The Wire" based questions. And the students in my class knew him only from R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" videos. So I blew a pretty big opportunity to add some quality content to the site. My bad. What I can tell you about Mr. Williams is that he is fond of making air quotes, sometimes unnecessarily. He also mimes typing when he discusses using a computer.

He's a pretty mint dude, as he fielded the insipid questions of borderline retarded sixth graders, without coming across as condescending. I will probably never be able to pull that trick...and that's essentially what I'm paid to do. Very impressive.

Also when he gave me a smile and a nod, I felt pretty cool for a moment. It was like being in high school again and getting a pound from one of the black kids.

Showing Clemency?

Since I haven't posted in a while, and I'm taking a break from my rigorous studies, and I'll wait til tomorrow to go out since there should be numerous lonely and willing tramps out on Valentines Day- I thought of a point which I haven't heard mentioned yet in all this Clemens coverage (I also wanted to put that fantastic, high-minded pun out there).

It is essentially clear to anyone with a logical and objective mind that Roger Clemens used steroids and HGH. If you think that he is innocent, you probably also volunteered to help OJ Simpson in his search for the real killers. Most people in power in this federal investigation have to realize this. (However, it is unbelievable how stupid some people in powerful leadership positions can be- check out what Senator Virgina Foxx had to say: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/writers/tom_verducci/02/13/verducci.top5recap/index.html?eref=T1 )

Anyways, with Barry Bonds eventually going to trial for perjury, wouldn't there be a tremendous outcry from the African-american community if Roger Clemens does not go to trial as well?? Not to mention from Barry Bonds camp?? It appears that there is more evidence now against Clemens than there ever was against Bonds- namely because Clemens' provider/trainer has talked and Bonds' has not. With his own trial imminent- Bonds' camp certainly would cry no fair if Clemens isn't charged with the same crimes, and I can only assume that the race card would shortly follow- perhaps justly in this instance. Bonds situation clearly can't be good for Clemens. Just a thought- hope I'm not too late on it.

SYHD EXCLUSIVE! MORE ROGER CLEMENS "MISUNDERSTANDINGS"

In light of today's historic congressional hearings, we here at SYHD feel obligated to provide you with exclusive footage we have obtained from a confidential source depicting a previous instance in which Roger Clemens "misunderstood" a communication between himself and his now suspiciously fit wife Debbie. What follows will shock you.

I Stink

If there were a land of Idle Promises, I would surely be king. Sorry I posted nothing last night. But I am getting to the point where I spend most of my day fantasizing about the warm sensation of the last 5 seconds of consciousness before sleep. Is it a bad sign that I find thoughts of taking a little nap in a carbon monoxide filled garage inviting? Probably, right? Anyway, I will be off all of next week and I have a lot to write about. The NBA, college hoops, and spring training. I really think this is an underrated time of year. I will try to post more tonight.

A Post About Posts

Expect loads of new content from Tremont, beginning tonight and continuing through the next two weeks. I promise quantity, not necessarily quality.

Since FJM decided to come clean (super continued)

To be consistent with the recent trend of our website, I am going to reveal the identity of Mookie in a rather unusual manner. Because I do not want his readers to consistently visualize a short, hairy midget of a man every time they read one of his articles, I have instead decided to post a picture of a girl who he has hooked up with. And if you are wondering if he crashed there afterward, the answer is YES. Probably got in some quality spooning time as well. I hope you all can now visualize for yourselves what this unoriginal little elf looks like.

Since FJM Decided to Come Clean (cont'd)

So since Johnny Dakota started outing some of our commenters and posters, I figured that I'd do the same. Infrequent poster Side Salad, known for his single paragraph, stream of consciousness writing style, is actually a professional toga partier named Gayus Maximus. No word on whether he was given that name at birth or on the early 80's San Francisco bath house scene.

Since FJM Decided to Come Clean...

We at SYHD will begin revealing our true identities, one by one (probably to the shock of nobody).

First to be revealed, SYHD frequent comment-leaver, Chief Stickeyback...

(drumroll)

Oh my God, it's Pepe Locuaz!!!!! From Univision!!!

On the next reveal, guest contributer Fat Dizzle will show a clip of himself singing "Strangers in the Night" with Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.

It's Like High School All Over Again For John Clayton

Watch Clayton go into a shame spiral around the 1:30 mark.


(Hat tip to With Leather)

(Belated hat tip to Kissing Suzy Kolber for yesterday's Giant celebration clip)

Nashty, I couldn't disagree more

Did a elderly white woman take over the Suns organization? "They're offering me Shaquille O'Neal? He's the guy they call Shaq, right? I saw him on Regis and Kelly. He is really big. He seems like a nice guy. And not too bad looking for a colored guy. Let's get him."

This deal is a disaster for many reason. Most importantly, Shaq is not all that good at basketball anymore. The lone remaining strength of O'Neal's game is his post-up offense. Unfortunately the Suns are the last team in the world that can accomodate these strengths for two reasons. First the Suns are at their best when running, not waiting for lumbering giants to set up shop in the lane. Second with the Suns his touches in the post will come at the expense of Amare Stoudemire; a decidedly better offensive player at this point.

Sure he brought a depressing Boober-esque presence to the otherwise happy Fraggle Rock type atmosphere in Phoenix. But Shawn Marion was such a huge part of what the Suns did. He could ably guard the 2 through the 4 positions, rebound brilliantly, and outrun every other power forward in the league down the floor.

This trade was an act of desperation by a team that had no reason to be desperate. Last season the Suns may well have won a title, if not for some of their best players foolishly leaving the bench during a fight. This year they have the best record in the Western Conference. Why panic? Sure the Lakers improved themselves by adding Gasol. But the Suns style of play could really have given the slow, defensively challenged Lakers fits. Were Gasol and Bynum going to stop Marion and Stoudemire from leaking out on the break? Not a chance. By adding Shaq, the Suns are commiting to slowing the game down, thus completely playing into the Lakers hands. Phil Jackson must be smiling right now.

All is Not Quiet on the Western Front

All I can say is wow. My beloved Phoenix Suns, in what was assuredly a knee-jerk reaction to the blockbuster Pau Gasol trade completed by the Lakers last week (fuck you Memphis), have just acquired Shaquille O'neal for Shawn Marion and Marcus Banks' awful contract. Contrary to what 90% of the talking heads are saying this morning, I think this is a great albeit incredibly ballsy move for the boys in purple.
This thing is going one of two ways- A. the Big Aristotle provides a stabilizing defensive presence-opens the floors for the shooters-and provides the low post rebounding/scoring presence the Suns have so desperately needed. Or B.- The Big Fundamental runs out of diesel fuel, misses 32 games with another weight related injury and leaves the Suns with a gaping hole in the middle and out in the first round of the playoffs. The Western Conference is shaping up for an epic post-season; one in which the victor is going to look like the German army post-Stalingrad by the time they make the finals. In what has become the biggest arms race since the cold war-the Suns just added their weapon of mass destruction.

Gayest Super Bowl Celebration...Ever

Yes I'm bitter about the Giants winning the Super Bowl, but that doesn't negate the fact that these guys are flaming titsacks.

Machiavelli Was Right

On this Super Tuesday, I am reminded that perhaps this whole representative democracy thing is a failed experiment. Roger Clemens is deposed by Congress to discuss his steroid use and Arlen Spector is calling for hearings about Spygate. It's embarrassing that our elected officials spend our time and money sorting out which dumb millionaires in tights have an unfair advantage over other dumb millionaires in tights. That should be left for retards like me to debate. It really makes you reconsider the merits of benevolent dictatorship. And suddenly Bobby Knight is available!

Super Bowl Thoughts

I wish everybody would stop saying that Eli Manning's body language is better or that he is showing more confidence in the huddle. With his mouth agape and a pained expression on his face, he still looks more like the female lead in a bukake film than a Super Bowl MVP. He has made perhaps the most dramatic leap from mediocrity to stardom I have ever seen. But he has looked exactly the same in the process. Only the results have been different.

The play where Eli was nearly sacked, scrambled out of the pocket and threw to David Tyree who leaped and caught the ball against his helmet was the greatest play in Super Bowl history. I'm really not interested in any counter-arguments.

I don't understand why the Pats continued to go with 4 and 5 wide receivers when they clearly couldn't protect Brady all game. Their coaching staff showed a rare inability to make in-game adjustments on the offensive side of the ball.

The Giants pass rush is absolutely off the charts.

I'm thrilled that Tiki and Shockey weren't part of this game.