A text I received from SYHD contributor Johnny Dakota regarding the Mets imminent signing of catcher Yorvit Torrealba:
"Hopefully, the Mets will build their new stadium in Denver so Torrealba can hit above .200. Great signing."
That pretty much sums everything up.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
A Pet Peavy
Brandon Webb and Jake Peavy had seasons of remarkably similar value. I would have chosen Brandon Webb for Cy Young, but I can't really quibble with the choice of Peavy. The thing that astonished me is that Peavy won the Cy Young unanimously. I can not believe that NOT ONE of the 32 writers who voted thought that Webb had the better season.
Let's break it down:
ERA: Peavy posted a 2.54 ERA in one of baseball's friendliest environments for pitchers, while Webb had a 3.01 ERA in a hitters park. Park factors excluded this is essentially a wash.
Innings Pitched: In the same amount of starts, Webb pitched 13 more innings than Peavy this season. Not a huge deal, but that is 13 less innings of wear and tear on a bullpen. Minor advantage for Webb.
Strikeouts: Peavy struck out many more batters than Webb.
Walks: Webb walked 4 more guys in 13 more innings than Peavy. Walk rates: identical.
Wins (if you care about such things): Peavy-19 Webb-18. Insignificant difference.
Playoffs (again, if you care): Webb's D'Backs made the playoffs. Peavy's Padres missed them, largely because of his hideous performance in the play-in game against the Rockies.
You can't see daylight through the gap between these two men's 2007 performance. How does Peavy win in such a landslide?
Let's break it down:
ERA: Peavy posted a 2.54 ERA in one of baseball's friendliest environments for pitchers, while Webb had a 3.01 ERA in a hitters park. Park factors excluded this is essentially a wash.
Innings Pitched: In the same amount of starts, Webb pitched 13 more innings than Peavy this season. Not a huge deal, but that is 13 less innings of wear and tear on a bullpen. Minor advantage for Webb.
Strikeouts: Peavy struck out many more batters than Webb.
Walks: Webb walked 4 more guys in 13 more innings than Peavy. Walk rates: identical.
Wins (if you care about such things): Peavy-19 Webb-18. Insignificant difference.
Playoffs (again, if you care): Webb's D'Backs made the playoffs. Peavy's Padres missed them, largely because of his hideous performance in the play-in game against the Rockies.
You can't see daylight through the gap between these two men's 2007 performance. How does Peavy win in such a landslide?
More Irresponsible Journalism
Is it possible that Alex Rodriguez knows that his name is going to be mentioned in Senator Mitchell's report? That would explain his rush to re-sign with the Yankees, without really allowing the market to play itself out.
Interesting Isiah Quote
In the wake of the Knicks fourth straight loss, Isiah Thomas was deluged with questions about the Starbury situation. Now this could be the classic case of a quote being taken out of context, but on SNY this morning I heard Isiah say, "I've played with players I don't like and won with players I don't like." It seems to me that he is not so cryptically saying that he doesn't like Marbury. Again, this was just an excerpt of a longer statement, so there could have been a qualifier such as, "I like Stephon, but I've played with players I don't like..." or he could have just been talking in general about having to like the players on your team. However, the way the clip was cut it certainly seemed like Isiah was throwing Marbury under the bus.
(Editor's Note: Based on a comment I received, please allow me to clarify the above statement. I heard the quote in it's entirety as it aired, but I wonder if there was context to the quote which didn't make it to TV.)
(Editor's Note: Based on a comment I received, please allow me to clarify the above statement. I heard the quote in it's entirety as it aired, but I wonder if there was context to the quote which didn't make it to TV.)
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Isiahello to My Little Friend!
The arched eyebrows. The cherubic face. The fade haircut. If Emmanuel Lewis were a few feet taller he'd be....
I hope someone else sees the resemblence and this doesn't turn into a Costanza/Morgan/Sugar Ray Leonard incident.
The Wallace-Wade Renegades
The college football game of the millenium of the week is actually in South Bend this week, and those crafty Dukies have created a website counting down the days. According to their calculations they are a safety better than the Irish.
http://www.dukesuperbowl.com/
http://www.dukesuperbowl.com/
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Posada and Rivera
Jorge Posada just signed a 4 year, $52 million deal. Mariano Rivera appears close to returning to the Yankees for another 3 years at $45 million. Today Yankees fans celebrate. Two years from now, we will be praying that they go Cory Lidle on us.
These contracts are almost guaranteed to end badly. Both men are already defying the odds by dominating at their respective ages.
While Jorge Posada is coming off of his best season, at 35, it's a bit much to expect him to rack up huge numbers until he turns 40. Posada is my favorite current Yankee, but I probably would have let him walk if he asked for any more than a 3 year deal.
Mariano Rivera turns 38 in 2 weeks and started to show signs of slipping this season. Yet they are paying him like he is going to relive '04 to '06 in '08 to '10. Highly unlikely. Forget 2010; Mariano will not be worth $15 million next year. In fact, I would be very surprised if we ever get more than one more vintage Mariano season.
I can live with the Posada deal, although it's a year too long. The likely Rivera deal is bat-shit crazy.
These contracts are almost guaranteed to end badly. Both men are already defying the odds by dominating at their respective ages.
While Jorge Posada is coming off of his best season, at 35, it's a bit much to expect him to rack up huge numbers until he turns 40. Posada is my favorite current Yankee, but I probably would have let him walk if he asked for any more than a 3 year deal.
Mariano Rivera turns 38 in 2 weeks and started to show signs of slipping this season. Yet they are paying him like he is going to relive '04 to '06 in '08 to '10. Highly unlikely. Forget 2010; Mariano will not be worth $15 million next year. In fact, I would be very surprised if we ever get more than one more vintage Mariano season.
I can live with the Posada deal, although it's a year too long. The likely Rivera deal is bat-shit crazy.
Eight Overrated Ladies of the Eighties (#4)
4) Dolly Parton/ Madonna. Admittedly this is cheap. I hate when other lists try to shoehorn 15 things into a top 10. My explanation: I originally had Dolly Parton penciled in for the #4 spot, but then Mookie reminded me of Madonna. I had originally left Madonna off of the list for reasons I will explain a little later. Then I began to find some holes in my choice of Dolly Parton. So I combined them into one number. I promise that there won't be anymore 2 for 1s from here on out.
4a) Dolly Parton- She is the ultimate one feature pony. I've always been of the opinion that no single feature, no matter how exceptional, can carry an otherwise ordinary broad to beauty. Without the knockers she would have been a mildly attractive Tennessee house frau. That's probably terribly unfair being that she has as distinctive a voice as any American artist in...ever. However female celebrities are judged almost entirely on physical appearance. Give her average breasts and she immediately goes from a 9 to 5. (Get it? Like the movie! See she was in a movie called 9 to 5, referencing common workplace hours. I just said that without big boobies she would go from a 9 to 5 on the common 1 to 10 scale that women are rated on. Do you see what I did there?! I took "9 to 5" from one context and placed into a completely unrelated one. I did that on purpose, so that you would see how clever I am.)
My major qualm about including her on this list was that Dolly Parton was as much a 70s icon as an 80s icon. That inconveinent truth doesn't really jive with my premise that standards of beauty were ignored in the 80s. So now we are in the bonus..
4b) Madonna- I added Madonna on the list for two reasons; Mookie's suggestion and the inherent flaws with my original 4 seed. Mookie feel free to make your anti-Madonna case in the comments section, as I don't feel that strongly about this one.
The woman certainly isn't/wasn't a beauty queen, but I don't think the whole Madonna craze was about her knock out appearance. It was more about proudly slutting it up for the world.
This has undoubtedly been my weakest post in the Overrated series and so it shall remain. The top 3 are truly a cut above the rest.
4a) Dolly Parton- She is the ultimate one feature pony. I've always been of the opinion that no single feature, no matter how exceptional, can carry an otherwise ordinary broad to beauty. Without the knockers she would have been a mildly attractive Tennessee house frau. That's probably terribly unfair being that she has as distinctive a voice as any American artist in...ever. However female celebrities are judged almost entirely on physical appearance. Give her average breasts and she immediately goes from a 9 to 5. (Get it? Like the movie! See she was in a movie called 9 to 5, referencing common workplace hours. I just said that without big boobies she would go from a 9 to 5 on the common 1 to 10 scale that women are rated on. Do you see what I did there?! I took "9 to 5" from one context and placed into a completely unrelated one. I did that on purpose, so that you would see how clever I am.)
My major qualm about including her on this list was that Dolly Parton was as much a 70s icon as an 80s icon. That inconveinent truth doesn't really jive with my premise that standards of beauty were ignored in the 80s. So now we are in the bonus..
4b) Madonna- I added Madonna on the list for two reasons; Mookie's suggestion and the inherent flaws with my original 4 seed. Mookie feel free to make your anti-Madonna case in the comments section, as I don't feel that strongly about this one.
The woman certainly isn't/wasn't a beauty queen, but I don't think the whole Madonna craze was about her knock out appearance. It was more about proudly slutting it up for the world.
This has undoubtedly been my weakest post in the Overrated series and so it shall remain. The top 3 are truly a cut above the rest.
Monday, November 12, 2007
He15man- Thank you for the Seque, Mookie
What follows is so far beyond man crush that it can be categorized as man love. I have decided who should win the Heisman trophy. His name is Tim Tebow and he is undoubtedly the best player in the country.
The only other player I will even entertain an argument regarding is Dennis Dixon.
Lets take a look at how they compare.
Dixon Passing- 167 for 246= 67.9 comp percentage. 2074 yds. 20/3 TD to int. 8.4 per attempt. 163.1 passer rating. Rushing- 103 carries for 549 yards= 5.3 avg. 8 TD’s.
Tebow Passing- 173 for 255= 67.8 comp percentage. 2,532 yards. 23/5 td to int. 9.9 yds per attempt. 177.1 passer rating. Rushing- 170 carries for 718 yards= 4.2 avg. 19 tds.
Same completion percentage similar number of attempts. Tebow has a game and a half more of yards and a game more passing TD’s, although UF has played one more game than Oregon. He holds a much higher rating because his yards per attempt are more (which partially debunks the inevitable critique the uneducated voter will throw out- Florida doesn’t go down the field, they only throw short passes and the playmakers get yards). Where Tebow wins the Heisman is not on yards or stats though, it is on points. The guy has accounted for 42 TDs compared to 28. The Gators have gained 4502 total offensive yards this season. Tim Tebow has accounted for 3250 of them. That equals 72.19%. You tell me who means more to their team? Granted, I don’t know the first thing about Oregon, but I do know that if push comes to shove they can lean on future first round draft pick Stewart to tote the rock. Tebow has no such option. Teams have to gameplan to stop the run against Stewart, and as such Dixon has coverage advantages in the secondary. When they do stop the pass, Dixon gets a great deal of yards off of scramble plays. On the contrary, Tebows runs are mostly option or designed draw plays, as he is UF's only real running threat. Sure he has Harvin and Caldwell, but those guys have truly yet to show that they can take over a 4th quarter of a game. Especially when it comes to getting tough yards that keep drives alive. My point there is that it helps Dixon a heck of a lot more to have Stewart than it does UF to have its great WRs, even if they will be first day draft picks.
To detractors who might not want to give Tebow credit for having so many rushing touchdowns because he is UF's short yardage back and Dixon is not Oregon's I say: Oregon doesn't give the ball to Dixon in short yardage because they have better options. UF on the other hand, does not. It relies on Tebow in short yardage because he is their best short yardage player and most reliable ball carrier. They don't hand the ball off to others because they would not get the same result as if Tebow were running. They give him the ball in those situations out of trust, necessity and respect for his abilities. For a voter to overlook that as meaningless is an oversight and truly a testament to a lack of knowledge of the game of football. Short yardage plays are gut checks; they are the margin plays of football (see for example UF's loss this year to LSU). To have a player on your team that consistently gains the "heart" or "toughness" yards is a the benchmark of his value to the team. If anything, this component should be an x-factor that will serve to differentiate two comparable candidates.
Anyone who calls out Tebow's 2 more interceptions probably doesn’t recognize that 3-4 of his picks were not his fault. (2 Riley Cooper wrong routes, one ball off of CI’s helmet running the wrong route, and one ball where Fayson did not make a play on the ball). Yes, Tim Tebow has made 1-2 mistakes this year. Shocking, I know.
If you want to critique wins and losses, lets do it. Tebow’s team has 3 losses. What happened in those three loses? Tebow had 276 yards of total offense against Auburn, despite having plays called by a man still on drugs from emergency surgery 12 hours earlier. That was by far Tebow’s worst game, but he also had the least help in that game. If memory serves me, UF ran something like only 50 plays. He still threw for a TD and ran for a TD. The Gators were a blocked field goal, one particularly bad series of play calling and a shanked punt away from squeaking that game out. That loss was a team loss, certainly not one I could pin on Timmy’s shoulders at all. Gators win that game and this discussion is over. BUT, they didn’t, so I must continue.
LSU game- anyone who watched the game knew that it came down to the Gators inability to stop LSU on critical defensive plays. Tebow was the only reason UF was in that game to begin with, so I will not put that loss on him in any way. Georgia game- UF squeezed out a 42 point turd defensively and Tebow was sacked six times. Oh did I mention that he still accounted for 3 TD’s (one rushing) despite having a shoulder that needed multiple shots of numbing agents before the game? To synthesize, the Gators losses are IN NO WAY the fault of Tim Tebow. To fault him is particularly unfair. You cant say the same for McFadden, Ryan, etc… In every big game, McFadden shows up with 75yds or less, and Ryan is always good for 3 picks. Dixon may be a baller, but he is no Tim Tebow. If you don't believe that, take a survey of college coaches and ask them who they would want as their guy. 98% say Tebow and 100% say Tebow if survey is anonymous.
It will make me f*cking sick if people look at UF's losses as a reason why Tebow shouldn't win this award. UF is not a bad team. UF in all likelihood will end up a Top 10 team and playing on a New Years Day bowl. Going down to the last week of conference play, it is still contending for a shot to go to the championship game for the toughest conference in the country and why???????????? Because of Tim Tebow. Just because it has 3 losses does not mean that the year was a bust. UF has played competitively in all three losses and will finish with a damn respectable record. If they played Oregon or Oregon's competition, UF would probably F them up and they would do it because they have never seen or do not know how to defend a player like Tim Tebow. Man, I'm not even going to get into the whole SEC defenses vs. PAC-10 defenses. That point is stale and not worth my time restating it. It is in stone.
The fact of the matter is, at this point he is probably already the best player to ever put on the UF uniform. This is coming from a guy who has been to probably 70+ Gator games in my life. Gator football is in my blood, so yes, I am a qualified opinion. He will break the NCAA single season most rushing TD by a QB record, he will put up 50 total TDs before all is said and done, and he will have the best passer rating in the country. I don't even need to get into all of the SEC and school records he has already destroyed in only his 10th start in college yet do I? Lets face it, if he continues at this pace (which I have no reason to think that a kid who is grounded in God and family and has the best work ethic of an athlete I have ever seen) and stays 2 more years (doubtful, I know) he could wind up as the best player to ever play college football. I am dead serious when I say that. Plain and simple, the kid is better than Vick, better than Young and time will prove that. He broke every Florida high school passing record and is shredding SEC defenses throwing the ball. That is something neither Vince nor Vick have ever proved they can do consistently. The kid has taken every huge expectation we had for him and obliterated it. Tim Tebow has always done everything we have asked of him and more. He is a first class player and a top notch human being. There is no one I would rather have on my team. If I had to suffer through 6 losses this year just to see Tim Tebow be the quarterback week in and week out, I would gladly do it. You tell me, Heisman voter, how you don’t award a kid like that? If any other player receives first place votes, I swear that voter has not watched two Gator games. Any two. Timmy does it week in and week out in the best conference in the country. He ALWAYS shows up, even if others don't.
I promise you all right here and right now that I will bring furious rage and destruction upon my television if I watch that ceremony and he does not win. The sad thing is that because he is a sophomore and plays on a team whose defense often plays like the teenagers they are, he will likely not get the award. I see it coming now, and I am livid about it.
This is not a homer opinion, this is an analysis from a fan of college football. Please feel free to add or detract from this analysis. Really, someone who knows more about Dennis Dixon, please try to convince me why he deserves it more than Tim.
The only other player I will even entertain an argument regarding is Dennis Dixon.
Lets take a look at how they compare.
Dixon Passing- 167 for 246= 67.9 comp percentage. 2074 yds. 20/3 TD to int. 8.4 per attempt. 163.1 passer rating. Rushing- 103 carries for 549 yards= 5.3 avg. 8 TD’s.
Tebow Passing- 173 for 255= 67.8 comp percentage. 2,532 yards. 23/5 td to int. 9.9 yds per attempt. 177.1 passer rating. Rushing- 170 carries for 718 yards= 4.2 avg. 19 tds.
Same completion percentage similar number of attempts. Tebow has a game and a half more of yards and a game more passing TD’s, although UF has played one more game than Oregon. He holds a much higher rating because his yards per attempt are more (which partially debunks the inevitable critique the uneducated voter will throw out- Florida doesn’t go down the field, they only throw short passes and the playmakers get yards). Where Tebow wins the Heisman is not on yards or stats though, it is on points. The guy has accounted for 42 TDs compared to 28. The Gators have gained 4502 total offensive yards this season. Tim Tebow has accounted for 3250 of them. That equals 72.19%. You tell me who means more to their team? Granted, I don’t know the first thing about Oregon, but I do know that if push comes to shove they can lean on future first round draft pick Stewart to tote the rock. Tebow has no such option. Teams have to gameplan to stop the run against Stewart, and as such Dixon has coverage advantages in the secondary. When they do stop the pass, Dixon gets a great deal of yards off of scramble plays. On the contrary, Tebows runs are mostly option or designed draw plays, as he is UF's only real running threat. Sure he has Harvin and Caldwell, but those guys have truly yet to show that they can take over a 4th quarter of a game. Especially when it comes to getting tough yards that keep drives alive. My point there is that it helps Dixon a heck of a lot more to have Stewart than it does UF to have its great WRs, even if they will be first day draft picks.
To detractors who might not want to give Tebow credit for having so many rushing touchdowns because he is UF's short yardage back and Dixon is not Oregon's I say: Oregon doesn't give the ball to Dixon in short yardage because they have better options. UF on the other hand, does not. It relies on Tebow in short yardage because he is their best short yardage player and most reliable ball carrier. They don't hand the ball off to others because they would not get the same result as if Tebow were running. They give him the ball in those situations out of trust, necessity and respect for his abilities. For a voter to overlook that as meaningless is an oversight and truly a testament to a lack of knowledge of the game of football. Short yardage plays are gut checks; they are the margin plays of football (see for example UF's loss this year to LSU). To have a player on your team that consistently gains the "heart" or "toughness" yards is a the benchmark of his value to the team. If anything, this component should be an x-factor that will serve to differentiate two comparable candidates.
Anyone who calls out Tebow's 2 more interceptions probably doesn’t recognize that 3-4 of his picks were not his fault. (2 Riley Cooper wrong routes, one ball off of CI’s helmet running the wrong route, and one ball where Fayson did not make a play on the ball). Yes, Tim Tebow has made 1-2 mistakes this year. Shocking, I know.
If you want to critique wins and losses, lets do it. Tebow’s team has 3 losses. What happened in those three loses? Tebow had 276 yards of total offense against Auburn, despite having plays called by a man still on drugs from emergency surgery 12 hours earlier. That was by far Tebow’s worst game, but he also had the least help in that game. If memory serves me, UF ran something like only 50 plays. He still threw for a TD and ran for a TD. The Gators were a blocked field goal, one particularly bad series of play calling and a shanked punt away from squeaking that game out. That loss was a team loss, certainly not one I could pin on Timmy’s shoulders at all. Gators win that game and this discussion is over. BUT, they didn’t, so I must continue.
LSU game- anyone who watched the game knew that it came down to the Gators inability to stop LSU on critical defensive plays. Tebow was the only reason UF was in that game to begin with, so I will not put that loss on him in any way. Georgia game- UF squeezed out a 42 point turd defensively and Tebow was sacked six times. Oh did I mention that he still accounted for 3 TD’s (one rushing) despite having a shoulder that needed multiple shots of numbing agents before the game? To synthesize, the Gators losses are IN NO WAY the fault of Tim Tebow. To fault him is particularly unfair. You cant say the same for McFadden, Ryan, etc… In every big game, McFadden shows up with 75yds or less, and Ryan is always good for 3 picks. Dixon may be a baller, but he is no Tim Tebow. If you don't believe that, take a survey of college coaches and ask them who they would want as their guy. 98% say Tebow and 100% say Tebow if survey is anonymous.
It will make me f*cking sick if people look at UF's losses as a reason why Tebow shouldn't win this award. UF is not a bad team. UF in all likelihood will end up a Top 10 team and playing on a New Years Day bowl. Going down to the last week of conference play, it is still contending for a shot to go to the championship game for the toughest conference in the country and why???????????? Because of Tim Tebow. Just because it has 3 losses does not mean that the year was a bust. UF has played competitively in all three losses and will finish with a damn respectable record. If they played Oregon or Oregon's competition, UF would probably F them up and they would do it because they have never seen or do not know how to defend a player like Tim Tebow. Man, I'm not even going to get into the whole SEC defenses vs. PAC-10 defenses. That point is stale and not worth my time restating it. It is in stone.
The fact of the matter is, at this point he is probably already the best player to ever put on the UF uniform. This is coming from a guy who has been to probably 70+ Gator games in my life. Gator football is in my blood, so yes, I am a qualified opinion. He will break the NCAA single season most rushing TD by a QB record, he will put up 50 total TDs before all is said and done, and he will have the best passer rating in the country. I don't even need to get into all of the SEC and school records he has already destroyed in only his 10th start in college yet do I? Lets face it, if he continues at this pace (which I have no reason to think that a kid who is grounded in God and family and has the best work ethic of an athlete I have ever seen) and stays 2 more years (doubtful, I know) he could wind up as the best player to ever play college football. I am dead serious when I say that. Plain and simple, the kid is better than Vick, better than Young and time will prove that. He broke every Florida high school passing record and is shredding SEC defenses throwing the ball. That is something neither Vince nor Vick have ever proved they can do consistently. The kid has taken every huge expectation we had for him and obliterated it. Tim Tebow has always done everything we have asked of him and more. He is a first class player and a top notch human being. There is no one I would rather have on my team. If I had to suffer through 6 losses this year just to see Tim Tebow be the quarterback week in and week out, I would gladly do it. You tell me, Heisman voter, how you don’t award a kid like that? If any other player receives first place votes, I swear that voter has not watched two Gator games. Any two. Timmy does it week in and week out in the best conference in the country. He ALWAYS shows up, even if others don't.
I promise you all right here and right now that I will bring furious rage and destruction upon my television if I watch that ceremony and he does not win. The sad thing is that because he is a sophomore and plays on a team whose defense often plays like the teenagers they are, he will likely not get the award. I see it coming now, and I am livid about it.
This is not a homer opinion, this is an analysis from a fan of college football. Please feel free to add or detract from this analysis. Really, someone who knows more about Dennis Dixon, please try to convince me why he deserves it more than Tim.
My Head is About to Explode
Dick Vitale is an unabashed fan of Duke, Notre Dame, the Yankees and the Patriots (I can only assume), America, the Nazis (if he lived in Germany pre-WWII), God, and any other team or being that has has supreme power, resources, and success. I hate Dick Vitale. His schitck is old and for once, just once, can he actually criticize a player or coach for a mistake?
Vitale was on Mike and Mike this morning talking about college football, waxing on Notre Dame, taking painstaking precision not to lay blame on anyone. Then he quickly switches topics as he is prone to do and proclaims that when all is said and done, Tim Tebow will be the best player in the history of college football (or something like that).
How do I reconcile my almost sexual love of Tebow with my undying hatred of Vitale? Do I have to give Vitale a grace period before I start despising him again? How do I live with myself for actually agreeing with Vitale for once. Just a few days ago, I was telling friends that Tebow will go down as the best player in Florida Football history (sorry Sex Cannon). Now it might be a bit of a stretch to think that he will be the greatest player in the history of the sport, it's not outlandish considering how he has played this year as a true soph.
I hope I never agree with Vitale again.
Vitale was on Mike and Mike this morning talking about college football, waxing on Notre Dame, taking painstaking precision not to lay blame on anyone. Then he quickly switches topics as he is prone to do and proclaims that when all is said and done, Tim Tebow will be the best player in the history of college football (or something like that).
How do I reconcile my almost sexual love of Tebow with my undying hatred of Vitale? Do I have to give Vitale a grace period before I start despising him again? How do I live with myself for actually agreeing with Vitale for once. Just a few days ago, I was telling friends that Tebow will go down as the best player in Florida Football history (sorry Sex Cannon). Now it might be a bit of a stretch to think that he will be the greatest player in the history of the sport, it's not outlandish considering how he has played this year as a true soph.
I hope I never agree with Vitale again.
Friday, November 9, 2007
The Friday Six-Pack- Red Dog edition
Intro: The real world has bitch slapped me today, so I feed you the Six Pack for consumption only by funnel. Zima's went down smooth last week as I went 6-3-1, bringing my totals for the year to 30-29-1. Roper didnt put out.
The Roper: Kentucky -3.5 at Vandy.
No better way to feel good about yourself than to beat up the neighborhood nerd. Some things never change. Personally, I just hope none of those gentle, enlightened kids get hurt. Loser has to funnel sour mash.
The Pick: Kentucky 34, Vandy 20
The Lady Bowerbird
USC (-4) at California- Pete Caroll threatens to take out taxes from their paychecks and reduce performance bonuses if the Trojans dont start covering. If that is not motivation, I dont know what is my nige. USC wins by enough.
Florida (-6.5) at South Carolina- Okay, I’m going to bet on god's team. This inevitably will cost me money. Florida covers.
The Hymen
Alabama (-4.5) at Mississippi State- I feel like I should care about this game, but I don’t. So best of luck to both teams…and hopefully Bama wins and covers.
Arkansas (PK) at Tennessee- He's a joker, he's a smoker, he's LaMarcus Coker...0-4 on piss tests in two years. Bravo, young man. Enjoy ketchup sandwiches and diluted tang for the rest of your life. I wonder if McFadden ever ponders how with 85 scholarships they only got two good players. I mean, seriously, is Casey Dick the best QB they have at Arkansas? You mean to tell me that there isn't some Kappa Alpha type somewhere on campus who can throw a post corner to get at least one of those eleven men out of the box? Fake an injury Darren, it ain’t worth it. Mookie needs you next year. Somehow McFadden carries Arkansas to the win again this week.
Virginia at Miami (-4)- Miami sucks, but I never bet against the subplot. The OB will be rocking at night in its last game with thuggeration at its highest. Besides, I absolutely cannot stand a team that can read and play football, and Miami does not have that problem. DA U supersoaks those hoes.
The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Illinois (+15.5) at Ohio State- Picking the Zooker on the road late in the year against the #1 team in the country makes perfect sense in a year where nothing makes sense. Bizzarro pick all the way. Zooker stays within.
Connecticut (+6) at Cincinnati- These Huskies might not suck. I'll be damned. Khalid Al-Amin must be getting so fat from this winning streak. Have another frosty, tubalub.
Arizona State (-7) at UCLA- UCLA can't stand to score more points than the other team. Beelzebub wins again.
Kansas at Oklahoma State (+6)- Kansas fans got all excited last week so we all know what happens now…
Outro: Gambling is a bottomless pit. A machine in which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage. So here is to another week of giving up my skin at the hopes of retaining my bones.
The Roper: Kentucky -3.5 at Vandy.
No better way to feel good about yourself than to beat up the neighborhood nerd. Some things never change. Personally, I just hope none of those gentle, enlightened kids get hurt. Loser has to funnel sour mash.
The Pick: Kentucky 34, Vandy 20
The Lady Bowerbird
USC (-4) at California- Pete Caroll threatens to take out taxes from their paychecks and reduce performance bonuses if the Trojans dont start covering. If that is not motivation, I dont know what is my nige. USC wins by enough.
Florida (-6.5) at South Carolina- Okay, I’m going to bet on god's team. This inevitably will cost me money. Florida covers.
The Hymen
Alabama (-4.5) at Mississippi State- I feel like I should care about this game, but I don’t. So best of luck to both teams…and hopefully Bama wins and covers.
Arkansas (PK) at Tennessee- He's a joker, he's a smoker, he's LaMarcus Coker...0-4 on piss tests in two years. Bravo, young man. Enjoy ketchup sandwiches and diluted tang for the rest of your life. I wonder if McFadden ever ponders how with 85 scholarships they only got two good players. I mean, seriously, is Casey Dick the best QB they have at Arkansas? You mean to tell me that there isn't some Kappa Alpha type somewhere on campus who can throw a post corner to get at least one of those eleven men out of the box? Fake an injury Darren, it ain’t worth it. Mookie needs you next year. Somehow McFadden carries Arkansas to the win again this week.
Virginia at Miami (-4)- Miami sucks, but I never bet against the subplot. The OB will be rocking at night in its last game with thuggeration at its highest. Besides, I absolutely cannot stand a team that can read and play football, and Miami does not have that problem. DA U supersoaks those hoes.
The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Illinois (+15.5) at Ohio State- Picking the Zooker on the road late in the year against the #1 team in the country makes perfect sense in a year where nothing makes sense. Bizzarro pick all the way. Zooker stays within.
Connecticut (+6) at Cincinnati- These Huskies might not suck. I'll be damned. Khalid Al-Amin must be getting so fat from this winning streak. Have another frosty, tubalub.
Arizona State (-7) at UCLA- UCLA can't stand to score more points than the other team. Beelzebub wins again.
Kansas at Oklahoma State (+6)- Kansas fans got all excited last week so we all know what happens now…
Outro: Gambling is a bottomless pit. A machine in which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage. So here is to another week of giving up my skin at the hopes of retaining my bones.
How I Imagine Sean Salisbury Would Respond to the Question "What time is it?"
Salisbury would unironically say "It's half past a cow's ass". The dumb smirk on his face would indicate that he honestly believed that he burned you good.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
John Olerud, Fashion Plate?
ESPN is reporting that MLB GM's have voted to make base coaches wear helmets on the field next season. Who would have thought that Johnny Mushead would have been ahead of the curve on this one? What silliness.
Outing Myself
When did I turn into such a queen? I use this blog to cattily out athletes and focus on the flaws of otherwise attractive female celebrities. The only thing separates me from the guy pictured above is my lack of an audience.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
RJ: Straight Shooter?
Rumors abound that he may be funny. Not funny ha-ha, funny queer. Nevertheless Richard Jefferson is playing unbelievable basketball right now.
Ironically, this was the first season that Nets fans (being that I make up 12.5% of them, I feel comfortable speaking for Nets fans) had given up hope that Jefferson would ever graduate from world-class 3rd banana to All-Star. He has scored 25.8 and led the Nets in scoring every game thus far. His shooting has been the biggest difference. He is hitting over 50% from the floor and making half of his threes. He is also 34 for 35 on the free throw line. Obviously it's waaaaaaaaay early. However if those shooting improvements are even partly for real, the Nets suddenly become a very dangerous team...
...provided that they finally give up on Jason Collins. Heavens to Betsy, the man has played 22 minutes a night and is averaging 0.5 points and 2.8 rebounds! He has 1 assist and has yet to block a shot on the season. To call Collins worthless would be to imply that he has no value. That would be overstating what he does for the Nets. Every time he steps on the court, points are being thrown in the garbage. He has to have pictures of RJ and Lawrence Frank making out. Otherwise Frank would be divvying up his minutes between Jamaal Magloire and Josh Boone and maybe even seeing what Sean Williams brings to the table.
Eight Overrated Ladies of the Eighties (#5)
5) Isabella Rossellini- If you thought I was going to get through this list without trashing an Italian, you don't know me very well. A head-on look at Isabella indicates that she is a pretty attractive broad. If you really want to pick nits, you could say her face is disproportionately wide.
Rossellini's major flaw only becomes apparent when you see her profile. The woman has an unsightly hook nose. A buzzard's beak like that should be tearing through wildebeest carcasses, not (dis)gracing the covers of Vogue and Cosmo.
Somehow, some people made the claim that she was one of the most beautiful women in the world. She appeared on the cover of every other magazine in the 80s. I recall an episode of Friends in which Ross and Chandler discussed whether she belonged on their Top 10 lists. Really? What am I missing here?
I'm not going to lie; Rossellini's scenes in Blue Velvet are super-hot. But I'm a sucker for a chick getting railed at knifepoint by a nitrous-huffing sociopath. It doesn't really matter who she is.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
The Big Four
The Celtics might have their big three. Oh wow I'm really scared. I mean, I'm just shaking in my Uggs over here. Why the lack of fear for Garnett, Allen, and Pierce? Well after tonight I can declare with 7% confidence that the Knicks have a big four! Curry, Randolph, Starbury, and Crawford all scored over 20 pts in an impressive 119-112 win over the Nuggets. Who needs defense when you can score at will? Though the Knicks will still probably end up stinking at least it will be fun to watch them lose this year.
Trying to Regain Blogging Credibility
Today, Don Shula proclaimed that an asterisk should be placed next to the Patriots 19-0 record if the Pats were to finish the season undefeated. What in the name of Larry Csonka are you talking about, you self-preservationist father of coaching failures.
Shula’s asterisk idea reeks of sour grapes. Even if we give him the benefit of the doubt that the Pats gained an advantage over the Jets in Week 1 by videotaping their signals (this is a big IF considering the fact that the Pats did not even have time to view the tape), do you honestly think for a minute that the 1-1,457 Jets would have beaten the 9,000-0 Pats? I didn’t think so. So any advantage gained by the Pats is certainly negligible when coupling the Pats awesomeness at scoring points with the Jets bend but break defense. ("Bend but break defense" is a registered copyright of SYHD.) Furthermore since Week 1, the League and the media have placed the Pats coaching staff under the microscope making it highly unlikely that they have been partaking in further chicanery.
Does Shula believe that past video taping gave the Pats a distinct advantage over the teams they have played? I know I'm putting words in his mouth, but I'm trying to figure out how the Pats taping of signals effected this year's win-loss total. I'm sure that every team the Pats have played this year have changed their signals from their last meeting significantly, thus negating any perceived advantage the Pats may have had.
I don't see any logical argument for placing an asterisk next to the Pats record. Hey Shula, I truly hope you choke on a NY Strip while dining at one of your steak houses as the Pats culminate their undefeated season by raising the Rozelle Trophy. Wow, somehow you have made a Jets fan almost want to root for the Pats.
Shula’s asterisk idea reeks of sour grapes. Even if we give him the benefit of the doubt that the Pats gained an advantage over the Jets in Week 1 by videotaping their signals (this is a big IF considering the fact that the Pats did not even have time to view the tape), do you honestly think for a minute that the 1-1,457 Jets would have beaten the 9,000-0 Pats? I didn’t think so. So any advantage gained by the Pats is certainly negligible when coupling the Pats awesomeness at scoring points with the Jets bend but break defense. ("Bend but break defense" is a registered copyright of SYHD.) Furthermore since Week 1, the League and the media have placed the Pats coaching staff under the microscope making it highly unlikely that they have been partaking in further chicanery.
Does Shula believe that past video taping gave the Pats a distinct advantage over the teams they have played? I know I'm putting words in his mouth, but I'm trying to figure out how the Pats taping of signals effected this year's win-loss total. I'm sure that every team the Pats have played this year have changed their signals from their last meeting significantly, thus negating any perceived advantage the Pats may have had.
I don't see any logical argument for placing an asterisk next to the Pats record. Hey Shula, I truly hope you choke on a NY Strip while dining at one of your steak houses as the Pats culminate their undefeated season by raising the Rozelle Trophy. Wow, somehow you have made a Jets fan almost want to root for the Pats.
My Least Favorite Topic: Steroids in Baseball
Add Jose Guillen, Matt Williams, and Ismael Valdes to the list of steroid users. I hope Senator Mitchell's report shows that every single player has been on steroids since the '94 strike. I don't need heroes. I just want a level playing field.
A couple of years ago, Jose Guillen got all indignant over his fellow Hispanic ballplayers saying they didn't know they were taking banned substances. At the time I remember thinking that perhaps he protested a bit too much. Too bad I didn't have a blog then to document my suspicions.
A couple of years ago, Jose Guillen got all indignant over his fellow Hispanic ballplayers saying they didn't know they were taking banned substances. At the time I remember thinking that perhaps he protested a bit too much. Too bad I didn't have a blog then to document my suspicions.
Making Fun of Mookie
Mookie, you are so gullible, you make George McFly look downright skeptical in comparison. Are you still waiting for Sidd Finch's big league debut?
A Brady Bunch of Trouble
I just heard on the radio (it was Opie and Anthony so take it with a grain of salt) that Tom Brady failed a drug test and will be suspended for four games. This is nothing more than a rumor right now, but if true it would be off the charts schadenfreude.
Note: This story has been confirmed as a radio prank. I'm a sucker.
Note: This story has been confirmed as a radio prank. I'm a sucker.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Big Daddy Drew Writes Like a Stud
A Gregg Easterbrook send up featuring Rich Kotite and Louis Aguiar references. What more can you ask for?
I have to admit though that while I love Easterbrook parodies, I love reading Tuesday Morning Quarterback. My life goal is to reach the level of smugness and pomposity he displays every Tuesday on espn.com. I'm 100% serious.
I have to admit though that while I love Easterbrook parodies, I love reading Tuesday Morning Quarterback. My life goal is to reach the level of smugness and pomposity he displays every Tuesday on espn.com. I'm 100% serious.
And All That Good Stuff
Excuse me for my third Jet related post in a row, but it is football season.
While listening to the Jets pregame show this past Sunday a commentator whose name I did not catch was discussing the Pittsburgh Steelers and Big Ben Homothug. When discussing Homothug's struggles last season, the commentator stated that Ben "had to deal with the motorcycle accident and all that good stuff..." I'd hate to see what he considers to be bad stuff.
While listening to the Jets pregame show this past Sunday a commentator whose name I did not catch was discussing the Pittsburgh Steelers and Big Ben Homothug. When discussing Homothug's struggles last season, the commentator stated that Ben "had to deal with the motorcycle accident and all that good stuff..." I'd hate to see what he considers to be bad stuff.
Ganja Green
The Big Lead is reporting that a certain Jet player has been frequenting a Melville, Long Island strip club. I hope the shock of that statement didn't cause you to drop your monocle. This player apparently reeks of mary jane and is a bad tipper. I can't think of any hippie Jews on the roster, so your guess as to who they are alluding to is as good as mine. Click here for the story.
Making a Kellen
Jets fans are prone to getting ahead of themselves. I think the Mangenius moniker was a little premature, but I'm not one to learn a lesson. If a Jet fan can't get ahead of himself then when can he get excited about anything? With that being said, I'm ready to anoint Kellen Clemens as the best quarterback in the New York.
What about Eli Manning you say? Eli Manning stinks. While he possesses a cannon for an arm, he is not an accurate passer, does not make good decisions, and has the pocket presence of a pair of Umbros. If it weren't for Plexiglass Burress plucking Eli's 500 balls out of the air, he would have plenty of games like this guy. The look on his face after he throws one of his trademark shoelace slants is that of a eight year old kid who was just told that he can't have a third helping of ice cream. At times he seems completely disinterested in playing football. Maybe he really would be rather playing squash.
Clemens has shown me a lot in his two starts. Both starts were against aggressive, blitzing defenses with stand out secondaries. Yes, I understand that Washington just had 50 points hung on their red skins, but games against New England shouldn't count against a teams stats.
He had the team in position to win both games and if his receivers didn't suddenly develop the hands of Venus De Milo (the sculpture not the actress from "Salute Your Shorts") he could easily be 1-1 or 2-0. Yesterday alone Jet receivers dropped 5 balls that would have most likely resulted in points, including a drop by Cotchery on 3rd down in OT that would have put the Jets in FG range. Clemens' performance is even more impressive when taking into account that he had no running game to support him and he was without the services of Laveraneus Coles, the teams best receiver.
He isn't made out of the combined semen of Elway, Montana, and Cunningham, but his combination of arm strength, accuracy, and mobility are good enough to make for a very effective QB. For the first time in a long time, the Jets have a QB who can not only not lose games, but actually win games. (You may need to read that convoluted sentence twice.) He has the ability to throw the ball down field and can properly zip the ball on out routes. On several 3rd and longs he completed several passes for 1st downs, which is something Pennington could not do barring a great individual effort by a receiver or a coverage
breakdown. Finally, opposing defenses have to respect the Jets ability to stretch the field.
I hate to discuss unquantifiable intangibles, but Clemens has somethings that Eli lacks. He has a better pocket presence and command of the huddle than the youngest Manning and these are traits that cannot be taught. While Eli still makes decisions and has the mannerisms of a young QB, Clemens carries himself like a veteran. He showed poise in the face of blitzes and made very good decisions throughout the game. Clemens didn't rush or force the action, but made plays when he had to, like the 20 yd 3rd down completion to McCareins after the pocket broke down.
So I'm willing to lay down the gauntlet. Kellen Clemens will have better statistics than Eli Manning through the end of the season.
What about Eli Manning you say? Eli Manning stinks. While he possesses a cannon for an arm, he is not an accurate passer, does not make good decisions, and has the pocket presence of a pair of Umbros. If it weren't for Plexiglass Burress plucking Eli's 500 balls out of the air, he would have plenty of games like this guy. The look on his face after he throws one of his trademark shoelace slants is that of a eight year old kid who was just told that he can't have a third helping of ice cream. At times he seems completely disinterested in playing football. Maybe he really would be rather playing squash.
Clemens has shown me a lot in his two starts. Both starts were against aggressive, blitzing defenses with stand out secondaries. Yes, I understand that Washington just had 50 points hung on their red skins, but games against New England shouldn't count against a teams stats.
He had the team in position to win both games and if his receivers didn't suddenly develop the hands of Venus De Milo (the sculpture not the actress from "Salute Your Shorts") he could easily be 1-1 or 2-0. Yesterday alone Jet receivers dropped 5 balls that would have most likely resulted in points, including a drop by Cotchery on 3rd down in OT that would have put the Jets in FG range. Clemens' performance is even more impressive when taking into account that he had no running game to support him and he was without the services of Laveraneus Coles, the teams best receiver.
He isn't made out of the combined semen of Elway, Montana, and Cunningham, but his combination of arm strength, accuracy, and mobility are good enough to make for a very effective QB. For the first time in a long time, the Jets have a QB who can not only not lose games, but actually win games. (You may need to read that convoluted sentence twice.) He has the ability to throw the ball down field and can properly zip the ball on out routes. On several 3rd and longs he completed several passes for 1st downs, which is something Pennington could not do barring a great individual effort by a receiver or a coverage
breakdown. Finally, opposing defenses have to respect the Jets ability to stretch the field.
I hate to discuss unquantifiable intangibles, but Clemens has somethings that Eli lacks. He has a better pocket presence and command of the huddle than the youngest Manning and these are traits that cannot be taught. While Eli still makes decisions and has the mannerisms of a young QB, Clemens carries himself like a veteran. He showed poise in the face of blitzes and made very good decisions throughout the game. Clemens didn't rush or force the action, but made plays when he had to, like the 20 yd 3rd down completion to McCareins after the pocket broke down.
So I'm willing to lay down the gauntlet. Kellen Clemens will have better statistics than Eli Manning through the end of the season.
Enough Already, Joe
"The Dodgers were always special and I certainly expect the Dodgers will always be special," Joe Torre said at today's press conference. "I get choked up." Torre grew up a Giants fan. Presumably that means that he hated both the Dodgers and Yankees as a child. He has spent the past twelve years talking about how special it is to be a Yankees manager and now he is choked up about being a part of the Dodger organization. I'm still fond of the man, but Torre is showing himself to be a bit of a phony. He would get misty about managing the Montgomery Biscuits.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
The YES Network's 2008 Marketing Campaign Just Leaked
Apparently the creative direction of the YES network's 2008 promotional commercials was the last major decision made by George Steinbrenner before handing the reigns of the evil empire over to his son, Hank. The New York Post reported today that Mattingly was adamantly against airing these commercials during the season, while Giradi loved the energy and pizazz communicated in the spots. Maybe that was the difference maker in the recent managerial decision? So without further ado, the new promotional commercial for the YES network (unedited):
Friday, November 2, 2007
The Friday Six Pack-Zima edition
Intro- Sorry for the delay in posting. I have come down with some variant of the Singapore dick slug that had me up all night long selling Buicks. Since I have been nothing short of dogshit on the year (24-26 but 5-0 on the Roper), we are going to mix things up a bit this week. I have surveyed a handful of self proclaimed football savvy women to assist me in handicapping games using criteria important only to them.
The Helen Roper- named after the sexually frustrated wife of Stanley Roper on the 70’s slapstick sitcom Three’s Company. Helen Roper was a sure thing.
Vanderbilt (+15) at Florida- Anderson Cooper is like so hot right now. I mean, he has won Grammy’s for his work covering breaking news stories important to New Yorkers and others. I know he is totally gay, but those blue eyes make him so dreamy. I'm not even mad that he is becoming so famous, because I was all over him before he became a regular in Star magazine. I didn't even care about his premature graying. It proved to me that he is really sensitive. I once read that as a child he had dyslexia, so I know that we could discuss at length the pressures of remaining skinny and fit for our men. Anderson's mom is Gloria Vanderbilt, so I will pick her team.
The Pick: Vanderbilt (+15)
The Lady Bowerbird- named after the female Bowerbird who goes from elaborate bower to bower, ultimately selecting the male who builds the most ornate bower to mate with. With a little hard work, the Lady Bowerbird is a sure thing.
Missouri (-4) at Colorado- A few years back on spring break in South Padre, this crunchy group of girls from Colorado were so loud and obnoxious over dinner that my sorority sisters and I could not even enjoy our sushi rolls. Then one of my sisters overheard them in the bathroom talking shit about another one of my sister’s outfit. Like who are they? You are on spring break and you are wearing a North Face. Brrr, its so cold down here in South Texas, or wherever it is. Just eat your granola roll and like leave us alone. When we saw them out at the bar we ended up getting into this big screaming match with them after they tried to dance on the bar at the same time we did. If I hadn’t gotten kicked out for underage drinking, I swear I was going to slap one of them in their vegan face. I think one of our guy friends ended up getting HPV from them. Ever since then, I don’t like Colorado girls. I will pick Missouri (-4).
LSU (-7) at Alabama- I read this study that tested the hypothesis that reminders of a woman's menstrual status lead to more negative reactions to her and increased objectification of women in general. Participants interacted with a female confederate who ostensibly accidentally dropped either a tampon or hair clip out of her handbag. Dropping the tampon led to lower evaluations of the confederate's competence, decreased liking for her, and a marginal tendency to avoid sitting close to her. In a rivalry game like this, I think that LSU will not want to be nice to Alabama, and they will say mean things about the Crimson Tide being on their period. Alabama will not play good because of this. I will pick LSU (-7).
The Hymen- need I explain? Far from a sure thing, but certainly penetrable.
Arizona State at Oregon (-7)- Awww, who could root against the cute Duckies? Quack, quack, lol. Besides, Emilio Estevez is my favorite actor and I loved him in The Mighty Ducks. My pick looks like a duck, walks like a duck and swims like a duck (-7)!
Nebraska (+19) at Kansas- Theory just came out with this pleated, panya style wool jacket that buttons down with a tie waist that I want soooooooooo bad! Theory always does well with red in their fall line. I will take Nebraska (+19).
Navy at Notre Dame (-3.5)- Didn’t that darling Brady Quinn used to play for Notre Dame? I’m not sure who their new quarterback is [editors note: neither are we], but I’m sure I’d like to borrow the chapstick he is wearing. Notre Dame QB’s are the cause of global warming. I will take Notre Dame to cover the spread.
Since we here at SYHD can’t get drunk off of a six-pack, we offer a shot of 4 horsemen of the apocalypse guaranteed to leave you with a hangover. Much like shooting a 4 horsemen, there is no rhyme or reason as to why we make these picks, and there certainly is no explanation. [winners in bold]
Iowa (+1) at Northwestern
Florida State (+6.5) at Boston College
Minnesota at Illinois (-11.5)
Texas A&M at Oklahoma (-21)
The Helen Roper- named after the sexually frustrated wife of Stanley Roper on the 70’s slapstick sitcom Three’s Company. Helen Roper was a sure thing.
Vanderbilt (+15) at Florida- Anderson Cooper is like so hot right now. I mean, he has won Grammy’s for his work covering breaking news stories important to New Yorkers and others. I know he is totally gay, but those blue eyes make him so dreamy. I'm not even mad that he is becoming so famous, because I was all over him before he became a regular in Star magazine. I didn't even care about his premature graying. It proved to me that he is really sensitive. I once read that as a child he had dyslexia, so I know that we could discuss at length the pressures of remaining skinny and fit for our men. Anderson's mom is Gloria Vanderbilt, so I will pick her team.
The Pick: Vanderbilt (+15)
The Lady Bowerbird- named after the female Bowerbird who goes from elaborate bower to bower, ultimately selecting the male who builds the most ornate bower to mate with. With a little hard work, the Lady Bowerbird is a sure thing.
Missouri (-4) at Colorado- A few years back on spring break in South Padre, this crunchy group of girls from Colorado were so loud and obnoxious over dinner that my sorority sisters and I could not even enjoy our sushi rolls. Then one of my sisters overheard them in the bathroom talking shit about another one of my sister’s outfit. Like who are they? You are on spring break and you are wearing a North Face. Brrr, its so cold down here in South Texas, or wherever it is. Just eat your granola roll and like leave us alone. When we saw them out at the bar we ended up getting into this big screaming match with them after they tried to dance on the bar at the same time we did. If I hadn’t gotten kicked out for underage drinking, I swear I was going to slap one of them in their vegan face. I think one of our guy friends ended up getting HPV from them. Ever since then, I don’t like Colorado girls. I will pick Missouri (-4).
LSU (-7) at Alabama- I read this study that tested the hypothesis that reminders of a woman's menstrual status lead to more negative reactions to her and increased objectification of women in general. Participants interacted with a female confederate who ostensibly accidentally dropped either a tampon or hair clip out of her handbag. Dropping the tampon led to lower evaluations of the confederate's competence, decreased liking for her, and a marginal tendency to avoid sitting close to her. In a rivalry game like this, I think that LSU will not want to be nice to Alabama, and they will say mean things about the Crimson Tide being on their period. Alabama will not play good because of this. I will pick LSU (-7).
The Hymen- need I explain? Far from a sure thing, but certainly penetrable.
Arizona State at Oregon (-7)- Awww, who could root against the cute Duckies? Quack, quack, lol. Besides, Emilio Estevez is my favorite actor and I loved him in The Mighty Ducks. My pick looks like a duck, walks like a duck and swims like a duck (-7)!
Nebraska (+19) at Kansas- Theory just came out with this pleated, panya style wool jacket that buttons down with a tie waist that I want soooooooooo bad! Theory always does well with red in their fall line. I will take Nebraska (+19).
Navy at Notre Dame (-3.5)- Didn’t that darling Brady Quinn used to play for Notre Dame? I’m not sure who their new quarterback is [editors note: neither are we], but I’m sure I’d like to borrow the chapstick he is wearing. Notre Dame QB’s are the cause of global warming. I will take Notre Dame to cover the spread.
Since we here at SYHD can’t get drunk off of a six-pack, we offer a shot of 4 horsemen of the apocalypse guaranteed to leave you with a hangover. Much like shooting a 4 horsemen, there is no rhyme or reason as to why we make these picks, and there certainly is no explanation. [winners in bold]
Iowa (+1) at Northwestern
Florida State (+6.5) at Boston College
Minnesota at Illinois (-11.5)
Texas A&M at Oklahoma (-21)
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Reid it and Weep
So Judge Killjoy is shutting down Club Reid. What a stick in the mud!
Anyway Garrett Reid said "I don't want to be that kid who was the son of the head coach of the Eagles, who was spoiled and on drugs and OD'd and just faded into oblivion." Oddly that is almost EXACTLY what I want to be. Way to shit on my dream, buddy.
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