Cut His Mic

Tim McCarver is rapidly coming unhinged. During today's Mets/Phillies game, he was attempting to make the point that Virginian Charlie Manuel is underestimated as a manager, because of his Southern drawl. I'm not really buying it, as simple, slow talking, tobacco spitting baseball lifers are almost deified in the baseball world. But whatever. Tim's entitled to his opinion.

Then Tim goes on to draw a cringe-worthy analogy. I'll paraphrase to the best of my recollection. "Manuel is like two other famous Virginians, Stonewall Jackson and Robert E. Lee. They were also underestimated by Americans, because they were from Virginia. (snickers whimsically)". Congratulations Timmy. You broke your own world record for "Least charming aside on baseball broadcast".

Two problems. Firstly if early Americans had such a low opinion of the intelligence of Virginians, why were 6 of our first 16 presidents from the state?

Secondly, and far more importantly, why are you celebrating traitors, who are so flagrantly on the wrong side of history? These were not uneducated Southern farmers, confused in the fog of war, uncertain for what they were fighting. One could give those folks the benefit of the doubt. Jackson and Lee were West Point grads, who knew full well that they were turning on their nation to preserve the institution of slavery. This should not be portrayed as a cutesy underdog story anymore than the Third Reich.

Good thing McCarver isn't announcing the Mavs/Hornets series. We would be treated to something like this. "Everybody is underestimating Dirk because he lost to the Warriors in the playoffs last year. But people also underestimated another famous German, Adolf Hitler, after his nation lost World War I." (snickers whimsically)

NBA First Round Predictions

Straight chalk in the East
Lakers over Nuggets in 7
Jazz over Rockets in 5
Suns over Spurs in 6
Hornets over Mavs in 7

Details to follow. I just wanted to be on the record before the games started.

Kid 'n Play Fighting

Bench clearing brawls in Korean baseball suck. Or do they rule? You be the judge.



I understand the dance move takes some dexterity and athleticism, but if you want to execute it properly you have to jump your other leg through the leg you're holding. Just grabbing your leg and hopping up and down does look that cool.

See below at the 2:51 mark for a perfect example of how the move is properly executed:



(Hat tip to JBlo)

Deep Thoughts- MLB Edition

If Dice K were to throw Nick Markakis a Gyroball, would Markakis try to eat it?

Attempting to Create the Most Niche Holiday Ever

As cynical an a-hole as I am, Take Your Daughter to Work Day is kind of a sweet idea. Nothing is more adorable than a bunch of bundles of sugar and spice and everything nice checking out what daddy or mommy does for a living.

But not having an offspring with internal genitalia on Take Your Daughter to Work Day is a lot like not having a main squeeze on Valentine's Day. You just feel left out.

So for the rest of us, I propose a phonemic reversal of the first sounds of the words "daughter" and "work" and a slight tweak in spelling. Suddenly you have a new holiday "Take Your Water to Dirk Day". The festivities are rather self-explanatory. Find a guy named Dirk and bring your water to him. As a sports fan, the first Dirk that comes to mind is Dirk Nowitzki. This year TYDTW Day falls on April 24. This is one day before what will likely be a crucial Game 3 for the Mavericks in their series with the Hornets. I strongly encourage our enormous Dallas/Ft. Worth fanbase to bring Dirk bottles of water on this day. You know he is going to be thirsty. Avery Johnson will have that team busting their asses in preparation for the first home game of the postseason. Dirk will need to be properly hydrated.

Sour Grapes

Josh Beckett's lower legs are my least favorite part of any limbs on any professional athlete's body. I can't believe such a knock kneed doofus is a world-class athlete. He can't even walk properly. Beckett should be hobbling around in those oldie time corrective leg braces, not making my team's offense look foolish.

Are You Guys Still Cranky About the Anne Frank Post?

Am I blogging in a complete vacuum? Why do my posts, better in both style and substance than Mookie's, generate crickets in the comments section while he gets two or three responses to every banal statement he makes? I'm starting to develop a complex.

AL West "Preview"

Not that it's particularly noteworthy, but in writing this headline it occured to me for the first time that "AL West" is spelled the same as the name "Al West". I have never met nor even heard of anybody named Al West, but I'm sure scores of them exist. And I would trust my life to each and every one of them sight unseen. On name alone, I can tell that Al Wests are about 6'2", barrel chested, and as honest as the day is long. A more decent name you'll never find.

1) Anaheim Angels: 86-78 (Division Winners)- I think 86 wins will be enough to take down the AL West this year. I'm just not sure which team will get there. My best guess is the Angels. Although their rotation is worse than it his been in years, their offense should be better than it has been since the '02 Championship team. Obviously four months of a healthy John Lackey will be crucial to the Angels' success. Perhaps it's his dopey face or putzy name, but nobody gives Lackey the credit for being the top 10 pitcher that he has clearly become. He is rapidly becoming this decade's Kevin Appier.

2) Seattle Mariners: 85-79 - The M's lineup is very soft and their bullpen is shambles with Putz injured and Sherill in Baltimore. They are going to need Cy Young caliber seasons out of Felix Hernandez AND Eric Bedard to win this division. If they stay healty that is a distinct possibility.

3) Oakland A's: 81-81 - On a scale of 1 to 10, just about every A's player fits in the 4-6 range (Rich Harden and his glass arm notwithstanding). Given the complete lack of star power and the absence of SF Giants level stinkers, this team is mediocrity defined. If Harden throws over 110 innings, the A's peek above .500. If he throws less, they dip just below.

4) Texas Rangers: 73-89 - Given the Rangers spotty choice for low level scouts, I don't have much faith in this organization. But seriously, folks. After Baltimore this is the worst team in the AL. They really don't do anything particularly well. Well that's not fair. Josh Hamilton is really awesome at doing drugs.

The Next Frontier

Last year SYHD live blogged the NFL Draft. Since we have already climbed that mountain and since far better sites are probably going to do it this year anyway, I think it's time we move on to another challenge. So on Day 1 of the draft I will be live blogging someone else's live blog of the NFL draft. I will provide no original thoughts on the day's happenings; just comments about a more talented writer's comments on the draft. Stay tuned.

Gimmick Infringement

I know I'm totally stealing FJM's bit here, but last night Joe Morgan repeatedly said something incredibly stupid. In attempting to explain the 2 MPH difference between Dice-K's 90-91 MPH fastball and Phil Hughes's 92-93 MPH fastball, Morgan claimed that Hughes's has more "late movement". He seems to think the phrase "late movement" means that the ball picks up speed the closer it gets to the plate, which is a scientific impossibility. In fact the term means that the ball changes plains right before it hits the glove. I don't have to explain this to you if you are more than a casual baseball fan, but apparently Joe Morgan doesn't get it. Amazing.

Dear Harlan Chamberlain,

Put on a happy face and tell your boy that nothing would boost your spirits more than to watch him pitch. Heroically keep the true extent of your ailments hidden from him and allow him to concentrate on baseball. Then pass away in early in the offseason, so he can have plenty of time to deal with the grief and dedicate the '09 season to you.

Sincerely,

Emotionally Detached Yankees Fan

NBA Awards

Since I have some time now, I'll jump the gun by a couple of days and give you my picks for the NBA regular season awards.

MVP-
1) Kobe Bryant- Writers tend to get too cute with this award. Well, Kobe is the best player in basketball. He plays on the best team in the best conference. That is enough for me.

2) Chris Paul- The only other guy who has a legitimate argument. Early in the season Mookie and I had a discussion about whether we would rather have Deron Williams or Chris Paul on a team. We both said we would take Paul by a hair. Since then Williams has stepped his game up dramatically. But Paul's play has been so off the charts brilliant, that it's no longer even debateable.

3) Kevin Garnett- Numbers are down across the board, but he doesn't need to carry the load on this. With all due respect to Ray Allen, Garnett's presence in the lineup turned this team from laughing stocks to the best bet to win the championship. I HATE talking about shit like intangibles, but with a guy like Garnett you just can't ignore them.

Conspicuosly missing) Lebron James- When your team fails to outscore it's opponents on the season, I can't put you in the discussion. (Rule does not apply to baseball)

Coach of the Year-
1) Byron Scott- He has already been to two finals as the coach of a Nets team with fairly modest expectations. However, this has to be considered his signature year as a coach. Most people expected the Hornets to finish just above .500 and scuffle for an 8th seed. With two games left in the season Scott still has them competing for a 1 seed in an historically loaded Western Conference.

2) Doc Rivers- Maybe he isn't such a shitty coach after all. Half of last year's Celtics team are wearing T'Wolves jerseys now and playing like dog doo (pardon my French) for another coach. Meanwhile the Celtics are laying waste to the league.

3) Jerry Sloan- It's a shame that Sloan has never won a chapionship, because he is arguably the best coach of his generation. Considering Riley's past couple of seasons, the only guys who belong in the discussion with Sloan are Phil Jackson and Larry Brown.

Rookie of the Year-
1) Henry Rowengartner-
Psyche!!!!!!!!!!!
1) Kevin Durant- Mildly disappointing rookie season. He clearly needs to get more rebounds and shoot a higher percentage. Both of those stats should improve as he adds some muscle (in my head I just pronounced the "c" like Popeye). l still expect him to be scoring 30 per game within two seasons.

2) Al Horford- Already a very nice player, but perhaps I'm the only one who doesn't really see a crapload of upside. Don't get me wrong, he'll eventually be good for 16 and 10, but I don't think he'll ever be a great scorer.

3) You guys don't deserve a number 3


6th Man of the Year-
Ginobili is a SMINO (sixth man in name only). In fact he is probably only a sixth man so he can this award, so fuck him. To the rest of the candidates, all I have to say is "get better!". If you aren't one of your team's 5 best players, you don't deserve an individual award.

Most Improved Player-
Another stupid award. Theoretically a player could pop-and-lock at mid-court for a whole season, come back the next year and average 8 and 5 and win this piece of shit. I can't be asked to care.

Shouldn't He Get Some Extra Heismans?

Suddenly the infamous Herschel Walker trade that in effect landed the Cowboys Emmitt Smith, Darren Woodson, and Russell Maryland among others doesn't seem so lopsided. Little did we know that the Vikings received several Herschel Walkers in the deal.

Perhaps I'm naive but this seems like a desperate attempt to get some attention or justify some horrific behavior in the past. I don't see how a person who lived his life in the public eye for fifteen years could not have had such an illness exposed by now. His father had no clue. His wife didn't know. None of his teammates or members of the media saw this.

His ex-wife's corroboration of the story is a bit flimsy as well.

"Well, now it makes perfect sense, because each personality has a different interest," Grossman told "Nightline". "This one has an interest in ballet, this one has an interest in the Marines, this one had an interest [in the] FBI, this one had an interest in sports."

Talk about a wake-up call. As a fella whose interests include baseball, the Revolutionary War, salty snacks, and the feel of a moist vagina on my penis, I thought I was well within the bounds of sanity. In fact I thought those, and other interests, qualified me as a rather well-rounded person. But according to the former Ms. Walker, enjoying 4 or more things is a tell-tale sign of mental illness.

AL Central "Preview"

I acknowledge the absurdity of previewing a division nearly 2 weeks into the season. No matter, you'll read it anyway. The real test of your loyalty will be when I get around to my NL West preview around Labor Day.

Cleveland Indians: 93-67 (AL Central Winner)
Joe Borowski has to be the best fella in the world. I mean, he must be the kind of guy who makes unsolicited air pressure checks on his teammates' tires, just to make sure their safe. The Lord knows there is no baseball-related justification for his strangle hold on a closer spot.
The Indians have as good a nucleus as anybody in baseball. Sizemore, Peralta, Hafner, and Martinez are All-Star caliber players in their prime. Sabathia and Carmona are as good a 1-2 punch as anybody has. To be a great team, they will need to add some decent complementary players. Another middle of the rotation starter and a solid hitter at one of the corners would go a long way to making this the team the best in baseball.

Detroit Tigers: 92-68 (Wild Card Winner)
I sensibly adjusted my forecast for the Tigers down from 96 to 92 wins because of their horrible start. However unlike many analysts I am careful not to go off the deep end based on a bad 11 game stretch. The sports media lives to jump all over an underachieving team with a high payroll. By rote they churn out a bunch of drivel about the team lacking the requisite spunkiness and the need for role players. In a sense, this team will be adding three to five All-Stars to their lineup shortly. Curtis Granderson will soon return. Miguel Cabrera will commence to mashing baseballs, because he is a baseball mashing cyborg, the likes of which rarely start to malfunction until well into their 30s. They will also be trading the stiffs currently embodying Ordonez, Sheffield, Rodriguez, and Renteria for the genuine articles. Their pitching staff remains a source of mild concern. Dontrelle Willis seems to have read Steve Avery's "How to Go from Dominant Southpaw to the Independent Leagues by Your Late Twenties". The Tigers pen looks weak, but bullpens are notoriously unpredictable. So who knows how the Tigers' relief situation will play itself.

Chicago White Sox: (79-83)
This is probably the least compelling team in baseball. They are awash with known commodities on the down sides of their careers. Too bad that there is probably juuuust enough juice in those old bones to prevent the ChiSox from being a bonafide laughing stock. I guess that's why God made 2009. Until then only the odd Ozzie Guillen meltdown will keep this in the news.

Kansas City Royals: (78-84)
For the first time since the Saberhagen era, the Royals might actually be building towards something. That something is likely a 3 year run of slightly above .500 baseball ('09-'11), but beggars can't be choosers. They have developed a nifty little pitching staff and Billy Butler will be destroying the ball for many years to come. Without a whole lot left on the farm or the money to get big time free agents (Meche and Guillen don't count) they will have a hard time becoming a true contender.

Minnesota Twins: (77-85)
Unless Francisco Liriano returns to 2006 form, this is going to be a tweener year for the Twins. While they continue to feature the best bullpen in the sport, they have too much youth in the outfield and the starting rotation. This squad is hard to predict as any, as I can easily envision scenarios in which they disappoint and win 70 games or shock the world and win 90. Bold prediction: The 2009 Twins go from worst to first like they did in 1991.

My Early Take on the Mets

They're not that good. More detail to follow.

Last Opening Day at Shea

Tremont fan Bobby Snyder and I will be attending the final opening day at Shea Stadium. It will hopefully prove to be a historic event full of drinking and winning baseball and most importantly there will be blogworthy happenings. If not, well, at least I get a sweet magnetic 2008 schedule.

This Pretty Much Sums Up The National Championship Game

Text exchange:

In overtime I text DownRightNashty: Douglas-Roberts reminds me of Shawn Marion.

Nashty's response after Kansas wins and he loses his tourney pool: He reminds me of the Hindenberg.

Lousy Smarch Weather

I just realized that SYHD was updated only 6 times in March. Granted, outside of college basketball postseason tournaments March is one of the lamest sports months, but still six posts is completely inexcusable. So I'd like to officially apologize to the three readers still checking the blog after the Anne Frank post and promise that the blogging frequency will increase during baseball season. And with this post, we have already matched last month's output.

Early Returns on the Girardi Era

It's ridiculously early in the baseball season to draw conclusions about nearly anything. However it's not too soon to start paying attention to a new manager's tactical tendency. Girardi's first four games (he missed 2 due to illness) as Yankees manager have been a bit of a mixed bag.

First the good. I love the way Girardi has handled the bullpen thus far (at least the members whom he has chosen for the big league roster). Thus far we have only seen one reliever go less than an inning in an outing. Changing pitchers every batter to capitalize on platoon splits is a surefire way to run your pen into the ground by August. He has properly utilized his two bullpen aces (Rivera and Chamberlain) in tight games and allowed his lesser pitchers to eat up the garbage innings. I know this seems obvious but having watched Joe Torre for the past several years, I no longer take common sense for granted. Particularly impressive was Joe Girardi pulling Wang yesterday with a 2-0 in the 7th, with nobody out, and runners on first and third. He had Chamberlain and Farnsworth warming in the pen and I was nearly certain Girardi was going to foolishly call on the lesser option. Instead Girardi summoned Chamberlain who worked out of trouble without allowing a run and pitched a scoreless 8th as well. Girardi proved that he would not be a slave to the "Joba must pitch 8th. Rivera must pitch 9th" mentality.

The bad news is that after Chamberlain and Rivera, Girardi did a miserable job constructing his bullpen. I honestly believe that the Triple A Scranton bullpen is better manned than the Yankees. At this point a Congressional Committee should be formed to uncover what exactly Chris Britton has to do to make the team. What about this resume suggest that he doesn't belong? (http://www.sportsline.com/mlb/players/playerpage/580515) He is clearly the third best reliever in the organization. I also believe that Edwar Ramirez and Scott Patterson are better than Farnsworth, Bruney, Ohlendorf, and probably Hawkins.

Girardi also seems to overvalue the prevention of a single run early in the game, while opening himself up to bigger innings. In the third game of the season in scoreless game in the 4th, Girardi brought the infield in with one out and a runner on third. Ultimately the decision did not affect the game one way or the other. However that type of thinking will be a detriment in the long run

Up(ton) With People

The Uptons, Manny (Bossman Sr.) and Yvonne should just start breeding children, as people do with former race horses. Their two sons, Justin and B.J., were picks Nos. 1 and 2 in their respective drafts and are poised to become stars (B.J. is just about there already). They both will likely make over $100M in their careers, and some of that money will surely go to their parents, to make sure they live a comfortable lifestyle. I would gladly pay upwards $100,000 to get me some Bossman Sr. sperm and Yvonne eggs. I would then make sure that kid would have the best coaching/training money could buy. Even if the kid is not as good as his biological brothers, I can still live with raising an early round draft pick.

Of course the deal will be null and void if a chick is sired as there is absolutely no money, excitement, and/or pride in female athletics.

Fantasy Baseball Idea

Maybe I should just keep a roster spot open and pick up whoever is pitching against the Giants on a given night (if they are available, of coruse). They might have the worst lineup I've seen since the Lovely Ladies of Baseball Stars.

Hawk attacks Girl At Fenway

Just the other day I was wondering what Andre Dawson was up to. Now I know.

AL East Preview

Most teams have already played 2 games so I suppose I shouldn't really call this a "preview". However, I don't know what else to call it. Here we go:

The AL East is clearly the best division in baseball this year, with 2 juggernauts (Sox and Yanks), a very good team that would probably win the AL West, NL Central, and NL West (Blue Jays), and an up-and-coming D-Rays team that would contend for an NL Wild Card. Unfortunately (for me), I think the strength of the division will make it difficult for two teams to reach the playoffs from the AL East.

Boston Red Sox- (94-68, AL East Champs)- Mike Lowell's slide back toward mediocrity will be offset by J.D. Drew's improvement. The absence of Curt Schilling will be offset by Jon Lester and Clay Buchholz's increased role with the team. Other than that I don't expect much to change. They are still favorites to win the division.

NY Yankees- (92-70)- I will devote an entire post to them either today or tomorrow. In short, this will be the fourth consecutive season that I predict they will miss the postseason. I hope that I'm as right as I've been the past three seasons.

Toronto Blue Jays (89-73)- Same story as the past two seasons. If nearly everything breaks right for them, the Jays can win the division. Once again it's a bit of a long shot given the injury-prone nature of many of their key players. Still this is a very good team, with perhaps the deepest pitching staff in baseball.

Tampa Devil Rays (80-82)- Incredibly, the D'Rays are about one season and a free agent ace (they should back up the truck for Sabathia) away from threatening to take this division down. As for this year, I expect them to hover around .500 if Kazmir can give them 30 games and they call up Evan Longoria in short order. What I don't really understand how a team with no fanbase has the balls to keep such an obviously ready blue chip prospect (Longoria) in the minors to save some arbitration money in a couple of years. The D-Rays have yet to top 70 wins in their 10 years of existence. How much longer should the people of Tampa have to wait for an enjoyable product?

Baltimore Orioles (63-99)- There is no team in baseball further from contending for the playoffs than the Baltimore Orioles. Sure there are worse teams (Giants, Pirates, Marlins, Nats), but none of them have to contend with the two greatest powerhouses in the sport in their divisions. Making matters worse is that Peter Angelos does not have the stomach for rebuilding projects. Expect him to continue his cycle of panic splashes in the free agent pool, followed by panic fire sales for many years to come. Only the names change.

Fun With Athletes' Maladies

Rocco Baldelli- Hey Rocco, nobody is buying this cock and bull story about your mitochondrial abnormality. Like a typical Italian you are malingering when it's time to get to work. Need proof? Mitochondria is an anagram for "I'm a con rdith! O!" By "rdith" Rocco meant "artist". See, also like many Italians he can't spell words that are longer than 3 letters long. So he writes them phonetically. Unfortunately he has an awful lisp that makes it nearly impossible for him to produce the "s" sound. Also, like Paulie Walnuts he accentuates many of the things he says with an "O!" Alright I made that whole thing up.
The truth is far sadder. It appears that the synergistic effect of a diet of strictly meatball parm subs and Stella D'ora breadsticks can lead to the premature breakdown of the body. If only Aunt Theresa made a better lasagna dish, poor Rocco might be on his way to the Hall of Fame. Damn shame.

Nene- I can't wait until they air "Nene's Nut Cancer Special". To see him sing "Hey kids feel your balls" in Portugese might be the highlight of my life. I also need to hear him repeat the word "tubing" in a variety of silly voices and introduce his parents to Drew Barrymore.

Kaz Matsui- I was requested by a faithful reader to make a joke about Matsui's anal fissures. No joke exists that can top the phrase "anal fissures" on it's own. So here goes: Anal fissures! ROTFL!

Opening Day

As if anybody still cares I am back in business at SYHD as baseball, my greatest muse, has returned. A few quick bullets before I offer my divisional previews:

• I know I have written about this a few times before, but it really bears repeating. I can't even fathom the process that would lead a mid-market team to field a line-up as bad as the San Francisco Giants lineup. There is only one mildly productive position player on the team and not a single youngster with a milligram of promise. I just watched the last few innings of their shutout loss to the Dodgers and I really can't see them scoring a run the rest of the season. The embodiment of the Giants' problem: Brian Bocock, opening day shortstop, who batted .242 with 5 HRs in nearly 600 plate appearances IN SINGLE A last year! Brian Sabean has to be trying to lose. As putrid a GM as Isiah Thomas is, at least I understand his thought process. Thomas accumulates as much raw talent as possible in the hopes that he can turn them into good ballplayers. Sabean has been surrounding Barry Bonds with diarrhea for years and now will be exposed as perhaps the worst GM in the business.
• I don't know why it took me so long to realize this, but Joe Torre managing the Dodgers means he gets another opportunity to pulverize poor Scott Proctor's elbow before he ever starts making the big bucks. The Dodgers bullpen would be wise to put in some calls to Lloyds of London.

Big Red Faced

Never in my life have I ever wished I was a Brown alum, until yesterday. What a pitiful effort from that dumb second tier Ivy. I should have never enrolled in you.

A Week Late and a (Joe) Buck Short

We actually had this now infamous story involving Joe Buck, his creepiness, his jealousy of Gus Johnson, and his sore Johnson.

A friend of mine is in the picture at the bottom of the post and witnessed the whole incident. The accounting set forth is 100% true. He emailed me the story and picture at the same time he notified some of the bigger splogs (sports blogs, duh).

If I only I checked the blog email frequently (or at all), we could have broke the story before Kissing Suzy Kolber, Deadspin, and various other outlets. Time to start working on my time machine.

"C" Words and Wankers

Ok, first let me apologize for the lack of posts lately. I may get into the reasoning for the lull on a later post, but rest assured it pretty much has everything to do with me being lazy and tired and having a broken laptop. Now that I have taken care of the housekeeping matters, let us move onto the post.

For a while now an a friend/avid reader of this blog believe it or not) has been beeeeeeegggging me to watch a Tottenham Hotspur game with her at a pub by her apartment in Brooklyn. We'll call her Mrs. Met ("MM"). MM, like myself, is an anglophile. Unlike myself, she has actually spent substantial time in merry old England, so she isn't a poser (like me). While across the Atlantic, MM picked up an appreciation for most things British including soccer and became a fan of the Tottenham Hotspur. The Hotspur are tough luck losers and second class citizens in the EPL (that's the English Premier League, for the uninformed), making them the EPL version of the Mets/Jets, which instantly made them somewhat endearing you me. As a brief aside, I'm fully aware that the Sports Guy became a Tottenham Hotspur fan in his brief foray into EPL soccer, and I know I have a reputation of ripping off the Simmons' jokes and writing style, so believe me that the irony is not lost on me. Anyway, so MM had been beeeeggggiiiing me to go catch a game with her at the local Hotspur hotspot and after she found a game that didn't start at 7am EST, I agreed.

I am have never considered myself a soccer fan. I never played the game growing up. When soccer was all the rage and hailed as the next big thing, I embraced it much like a white, blue collar Farmingville resident embraces an El Salvadorian. I wrongfully perceived soccer as a threat to my beloved baseball, and in my mind, the American sports landscape wasn't big enough for the both of them.

I have since grown up and matured since my teenaged years (shaadup!) and was now willing to give soccer another chance. I figured what better opportunity than watching the Carling Cup finals, in a English Pub chock full of Tott'nam Hotspur fans.

The morning starts off splendedly as upon entering the pub (Floyd's), I encounter a black guy with an English accent. Next to a white guy with a Carribbean accent, this is one of my favorite sight/sound combinations. From here on out, I'm playing with house money.

The game hasn't started yet, but everyone is already chanting, chanting, and chanting some more. It's barely 10am, but Floyd's patrons are already sauced up and I wouldn't expect it any other way. The vibe of the group? I'd categorize it as fervent college fans, but without those fans who don't know anything about the sport and just cheer like idiots simply because they are enrolled in a particular school (Klotsche Krazies, I'm looking at you).

The group is slow to warm to me in part because of the gravity of the game, in part because I'm a new face, but mainly because I'm an additional dude in a place where the guy-girl ratio isn't a favorable one. It probably didn't help matters that I was pretty quiet as I wanted to take in the whole scene. Plus MM had warned me repeatedly not to be a douchebag and I figured the best way to do that was to refrain from speaking.

Not long after the start of the match, it becomes apparent that every Chelsea player is either a cunt or wanker, depending on the how badly the player flopped. If you get touched slightly, roll on the ground for a couple minutes, but don't draw a card, you're most likely to be classified as a wanker. If you do all of the above and draw a card or penalty kick, then my friend, you are cunt. This scene certainly isn't for the Julia C's of the world (a little inside I know), as the C word gets thrown around with enough reckless abandon to make even a Vagina Monloguer blush.

The game is a hotly contested one and goes into overtime. Like a typical American I thought OT was sudden death and was ready to start looting and rioting after Tottenham scores, but alas my enthusiam is tempered once I realize that there is another fifteen minutes to play.

What I enjoyed most about Hotspur fans is that like Mets and/or Jets fans, they expect failure up until the final whistle is blown. No lead is ever big enough, and the refs, the world, and the gods are against them. It is no coincidence that I was informed that many Tottenham fans are also Mets fans.

Thankfully, Tottenham did win and I was able to witness some good, old fashioned celebrating. Glasses were broken, men hugged and were hugged, pictures were taken (mostly by MM), and fight songs were sung and sung some more. I enjoyed watching all of this transpire, but at the same time felt a disconnect because I was there as an outsider observing other people's euphoria, wishing just once I could celebrate the championship of a team I've rooted for, cared about, and loved for my entire life. The 2003 St. John's NIT championship doesn't cut it, sorry Grady Reynolds.

[Insert cliched conclusory paragraph about how wrong I was to have dismissed soccer as a youth and how I've gained a deeper appreciation for the sport.]

The Jets Have Positioned Themselves to Be the Biggest Disappointment of 2008

I love the moves the Jets have made so far. In the span of 72 hours they've gone from a team with enormous holes to one that at least on paper looks like one more talented squads in the AFC. The front office has aggressively addressed its weakest units, Oline and Dline, and has upgraded each with the likes of Alan Faneca, Damien Woody, Kris Jenkins, and Calvin Pace. The offensive line, which was one of the most porous in memory, now is arguably the team's strongest unit(again on paper). With the addition of Pace and Jenkins, the front seven should be able to generate consistent pressure on the opposing QB, something they couldn't do outside of freak one game against Big Ben Homothug. Jenkins, who has ideal 3-4 NT size should theoretically be able to tie two blockers every play, allowing Harris, Jenkins, and an underrated Eric Barton to make plays all over the field. Unlike the offense, there is a lot of young talent on the defensive side of the ball as Derrelle Revis, David Harris, and Kerry Rhodes all look like Pro Bowl caliber players.

Offensively, the talent infusion on the line should pay dividends on multiple levels. D'Brickashaw Ferguson should be much more effective playing next to Faneca rather than the turnstyle known as Adrian Clarke. A line that can actually, run block, pass block, and pick up the blitz should create holes for Thomas Jones and provide Kellen Clemens with a pocket, throwning lanes, and time to actually make it through more than one of his progression reads.

These four signings also provide the Jets with great flexibility in the upcoming NFL Draft. Prior to the onset of free agency, it seemed the Jets were destined for Ohio State's Vernon Ghoulston, as an edge rushing linebacker was a pressing need. Now Ghoulston may still be the pick (and a good one at that), but with the acquisition of Pace the Jets are free to go after the one offensive playmaker in the draft, Darren McFadden. Drafting RunDMC would be the piece de resistance of the offseason and generate a genuine buzz around the Jets, the likes of which have not been seen or heard since 1999.

If you read this post carefully, or at all, you'd have noticed that I through a lot of qualifiers in my analysis such as "should" or "on paper". That's because it is very difficult to build an NFL team via free agency. (See Redskins, Washington) Perhaps it stems from a lack of motivation after getting handed a large chunk of money or the short shelf life of NFL players, but there are many instances where teams simply do not get great value from their free agent signings, especially at the back end of the deal. Nevertheless, free agency breathes hope into distraught fan bases every year, inflating expectations to lofty levels, leading to inevitable disappointment. From that last line, I'm sure you can safely guess that I'm a Jet fan who lived through initial optimism and eventual depression of the Neil O'Donnell era.

This Just In...

Baron Davis is fresh.