No Means No

You know what? He probably was face raped, but he was asking for it. I mean he was teasing the defensive back so badly, that the back couldn't help but face rape.

(Hat tip to Awful Announcing)

The Friday Six Back (Light Beer Edition)

Poorly thought through version of the Friday Six-Pack.

Intro: I sort of wish that Mookie had continued to forget to post last weeks picks, considering that I was a piss-poor 4-6 on the week. For the year, I am wallowing in the halls of mediocrity at 10-10. The good news is that if you have played my Roper, you would be up a sack of fazoles. I clearly haven’t been working hard enough to penetrate a Lady Bowerbird or Hymen. This week you get the down and dirty picks with little to no commentary or analysis. Fuck you billable hour. I am not enamored with a lot of these lines, but feel there is value in playing the tease this week.

The Helen Roper

Louisville at Cincinnati
Line- Nati Cats -10.5

Louisville’s defense is pathetic, I get it. Their offense, however, is dynamic. As scarred as they are as a team, I will still take my chances with the number one pick in next year’s NFL draft against an overrated team that has beaten a bunch of nobodies. Yes, Rutgers, you are a nobody again. Who is Cincinnati’s qb? Who is their best player? Exactly. Take the 10+ and hope to not get Kragthorped.

The Pick: Louisville

The Lady Bowerbirds

UCF at USF
Line- USF -12

While I have been all over USF for the last 2 years, I am more than willing to take 12 points in an instate rivalry. It will be interesting to see USF’s tough run D matched up against one of the best backs in the country that you have never heard of. Watch for UCF to pull the upset straight up, making USF the whore of I-4.

The Pick: UCF

Texas A&M at Texas Tech
Line- Texas Tech -8.5

Harrell and Crabtree will be too much at home for A&M. Franchione is a dead man walking. Texas Tech wins big and hopefully this kid gets to ring the bell. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=rFxwOLbImcU)

The Pick: Texas Tech.

The Hymen

Purdue at Michigan (-6)- My Michigan insider had this to say via email this week: “Make no mistake, the inmates are running the asylum. Word is after the App State loss, the whole team said F it and went on a partying rampage. The university knew, the coaches knew, everyone knew. After the loss to Oregon, the coaches piss tested everyone and a bunch of the “players” came up hot. Lloyd couldn’t suspend them all in the same week, so he has been staggering the suspensions. The wheels will come off this week when we lose to Purdue by 2 touchdowns and the Kirk Ferentz hiring countdown officially begins.” Good enough for me. Purdue is the pick.

South Carolina (-7) at North Carolina. Cock’n’fire is not da U. Smellycock will continue to improve. A tease down to .5 is a near perfect play here.

Va. Tech (-13.5) at Duke. Since Beamer's first season in 1987, a player at every position on the defensive unit has scored at least one touchdown. And at least 25 different players have scored touchdowns while on Tech's special teams. No secret that Beamerball defeats turnover prone teams. Duke is improved, but they are still Duke. Teasing down to a touchdown is a great play here with Tech.

The 4 horsemen of the apocalypse

Auburn at Arkansas (-3). McFadden is badly in need of a signature conference effort to solidify Heisman candidacy.
LSU (-9.5) at Kentucky. Let down game, but a tease down to 3 is a great play on the #1 team in the country at KENTUCKY.
Missouri at Oklahoma (-10.5)- I was very impressed with Oklahoma when I saw them live last week. Athletic receivers make the difference here.
Georgia (-7) at Vanderbilt- 74% of the smart money has been on Georgia. The Dawgs are tough on the road in SEC play, despite last weeks disappointment. Leg humpers by 10.

NFL Freebie- Take the under in Ravens/Rams at 37.5. Rams wont score and Ravens cant score 37.

Outro: This entire column took me 14 minutes to research and write. I am guessing it will be far more successful than my last two because of that very reason.

Shalloween

I'm pulling for a tragedy or some lesser controversial event to occur from which I can base an awesomely inappropriate Halloween costume off of. Otherwise I'm going to have to resort to the "Friendzone" which will be an awesome costume, but will not make people want to wish painful death upon me and my first born. What's the Friendzone you ask? I would tell you, but I don't want to unleash the genius and sap its originality- though I have a hunch that SYHD reader Bobby Snyder is already trying to steal it.

Nightly Wrestling Haiku

"Enough is enough

And it's time for a change" said

The nugget Owen.

LCS Picks

Flip a coin, turkeys. I'm out of the MLB playoff prediction business.

Apple Cider

Every time I drink a glass of apple cider, I think to myself "Man, I should be drinking more apple cider." Inevitably, a year or two will pass before my next sip and once again I am reminded that I should drink it more often. (Sorry, no sports tie-in. Just wanted to get a little intimate with my readers.)

Glass Jose

If you were hoping for a post about the Hispanic version of Mike Tyson's Punchout you're out of luck. But if you want an article detailing Jose Reyes' sexual escapades, then this is for you!

The following details were told to me by SYHD reader Drazen's Driving Instructor. He heard this story from his father who is good friends with a security guard at the Garden City Hotel on Long Island, which is where the supposed incident occurred. I have not in anyway tried to verify this story, but I trust my source. Whether I trust his source is a another matter altogether. So basically this story is only fit for blogs or espn.com (ouch, cheap shot). Ok, enough with the long-winded build up, it's time to get down to the brass tacks.

So sometime in early August (coincidentally right around the time Reyes went into his mega-slump) Reyes and his entourage decided to make a night of it at the bar in the Garden City Hotel. Reyes quickly eyes some hot little blond number, and it's on. After throwing a little game at the future Knicks intern, Reyes and his gal pal head up to a suite (do I even need to make a joke about how quickly Reyes rounds the bases?), leaving the posse to man the bar scene. Once up in the room, apparently one thing leads to another and naturally Reyes starts power banging the chick up on a glass table. What could go wrong? Well apparently glass tables are not designed to support the weight of two adults hitting skins, and both participants went crashing through, leaving Jose with some cuts on his leg and doo doo maker.

Understandably, Jose did not want word of the tryst to spread. He quickly got in touch with his crew informing them of the situation and telling them to make the problem go away. So down in the bar, the entourage starts shelling out one hundred dollar bills (not 100 $1 bills smart asses) to keep patrons and hotel staff quiet and to pay for damages. Obviously the hush money was not completely effective.

So is this a possible explanation for his lackluster play in September and August? Not if this was an isolated incident, but if this was just another night for Jose, this behavior may have taken a toll on his on the field performance. What a shitty time to outlaw greenies.

(Note: My barber said that he read an article in Newsday mentioning Reyes' trips to the Garden City Hotel, but my minimal research yielded nothing. Also a big welcome to Big Lead readers. Check out the rest of this inane blog here.)

Fire Joe Morgan Links

Why I want Manny Acta to manage the Mets:
Manny Acta gets it

FJM stole my Lo Duca bashing bit:
I take it as a compliment

The Case Against Torre

I have Torre bashed a lot on this website already. In short, he has established a pattern of running his best set-up men into the ground, has displayed no ability to identify the proper situations to use his best reliever, and is notoriously reluctant to give any younger, that is not considered a "can't miss" prospect a chance. I won't even play the "He has followed up the worst post-season collapse in sports history with 3 consecutive first round losses" card.

The rest of this article will attempt to counter the "bring him back" arguments that are being floated on sports talk radio.

1) Common Claim: "Nobody else can handle this job." My response: Everybody laughed when Joe Torre was hired. Now, he is considered irreplaceable. This leads the logical person to conclude that some combination of the following two statements must be true

a) The job ain't really that hard

b) Without inside information, it's tough to identify who will thrive in the position.

The idiot simply assumes that since nobody else has done the job in 12 years, nobody can do it.

2) Common Claim: "He can't play for these guys" My response: First, if a manager's role is that inconsequential, then they certainly shouldn't be paid $7 million per year. Second, nobody trivialized Torre's role on the championship teams. You can't have it both ways. If he gets the credit for the World Series victories, he must be held responsible for the first round defeats as well.

3) Common Claim: "He has made the playoffs for 12 straight years. You can't fire him." My response: Think of the worst manager your team has ever had. Now, put him at the helm of the 96-07 Yankees roster. How many times does he miss the playoffs? Once? Maybe twice? Torre inherited a team that made the playoffs in the season before he arrived and had the best record in baseball (before the strike) the season before that. I hardly think that the Yanks will have a string of 4th place finishes when he's gone.

The late Owen Hart would have said "Enough is enough and it's time for a change!"

Derelict in My Duties

Sorry, loyal reader (intentionally singular). I have been incredibly busy the past couple of days and I haven't had the opportunity to post my thoughts on the Yankees. By tomorrow, I will have an article for you. Unless, I don't.

My Apologies To Jimer

Jimer sent me his Saturday 6 pack right before I left for Vegas and in the rush of packing and getting to the airport I forgot to post. I don't want his hard work to go to waste, so I'm posting it anyway...6 days late.

The Friday Six-Pack

Intro: Last week I went 6-4, nailing the Roper and the Horsemen, but blowing pretty much everything else. What can I say, I got fingercuffed by the Zooker and the Penn State quarterback whose name shall not be spoken. This week the six-pack must be consumed as roadies as I am going mobile to the Red River Shootout.

The Helen Roper
Kentucky (5-0) at South Carolina (4-1)
Line- USCe -3.5

Breakdown: As confirmed this week [mookie, hyperlink story about UK team being exposed as gay in the 60s] the ‘Cats should have no problem getting up for the Cocks. Kentucky comes into this one undefeated, but bloated from the barley hops of self-assuredness. The ‘Cats have been scoring at will, but it has come against Chi-Omega flag football level defenses. Overrated- clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. Kentucky is the ultimate sell at this point, with this Thursday nighter in Columbia coming before a two game homestand against UF and LSU. Woodson may be a legitimate Heisman and pro prospect, but he is not going to light up the best past defense in the land on their turf. Matt Stafford learned that lesson in week one.

Spurrier will play ball control and unzip the Smelley Cock. Spurrier saw something in this kid at the beginning of fall practice, and believes he has a bright future in Columbia . His performance this week will solidify his position as the starter for USCe.

No way a team gets outed and gains an SEC road victory in the same week. Buy a half a point and lock in at 3. USCe can win by 3 just on heterosexual might alone.

The Pick: USCe 33, UK 24

The Lady Bowerbird
Oklahoma (4-1) vs. Texas (4-1)
Line: Oklahoma -11

Considering this game is a few thousand feet lower in elevation than last weeks game, I expect OU to bounce back to the explosive team they showed us they were capable of being. In the loss valuation category, I view OU’s loss last week to DIVISION I FOOTBALL playing Colorado as an anomaly, while Texas ’ home loss to Kansas State was the culmination of a continual season long slide. Before this line came out, I had promised myself that I would take OU up to 17 pts. Thus I am elated to get them at only 11.

The Pick: OU 38, UT 19

Cincinnati (5-0) at Rutgers (3-1)
Line: Rutgers -3

With an out of conference loss last week and WVU’s loss to USF, Rutgers still has a lot to play for. Rutgers will be motivated by revenge from the Nati Cat’s BCS busting win last year.

The Pick: Rutgers 20, Cincy 13

The Hymen (picks in bold)
Kansas at K.State (-3)- Though I am not sure, I think Mangino weighs more than Josh Freeman. Therefore, I will take Kansas State .

USF (-15) at Florida Atlantic- MMMM, kool aid, good.

NC State (+18.5) at FSU- FSU doesn’t beat anyone by 19 points anymore.

The 4 horsemen of the apocalypse
Houston at Alabama (-11).
Wisconsin (+2.5) at Illinois .
Wake Forest (-7) at Duke.
Virginia Tech (+5) at Clemson

Assessing This Winter's Free Agent Market

Unless you're looking for a centerfielder, the market absolutely stinks. Matt Clement anybody? Here is a list of this winter's free agents and try your best not to hold back your excitement. Unless ARod and Dunn opt out of their contracts (not sure if Dunn is a team or player option) this year's class will only be slightly less underwhelming than last year's.

Random Vegas note:

I was in Vegas this past weekend with Johnny Dakota, Fat Dizzle, Side Salad, and Downright Nashty (sorry Greg Ostertag). True to form I got murdered by various casinos, but there was one fantastic highlight. A VIP room in the club LAX consisted of perhaps the most random grouping pseudo celebrities that could be amassed. In that VIP room- Nicky Hilton, Criss Angel, Wee Man, and...wait for it....wait for it...Jim Lampley. Yes that Jim Lampley. He must be a huge poon hound.

Torre Treats Relievers like His Father Treated His Mother

Joe Torre never ceases to amaze. As if to showcase the necessity of the Joba Rules to the rest of the world, Torre is pitching Chamberlain for two innings in a 5 run game. Phil Hughes had been dealing in 3 2/3 innings of relief of Roger Clemens. Hughes did throw 63 pitches, but he is a starter. He surely could have pitched the 7th inning. It's not like Hughes is going to be available again until Wednesday anyway. Yes, this is a must win game. However, if the Yankees survive tonight, tomorrow's game will be equally important. Why is Torre wasting his second best reliever's bullets in a borderline blowout?


(As I wrote this, Joba's velocity dropped about 3 or 4 MPH in his second inning of work and he surrendered a run. This does not bode well for his ability to pitch effectively tomorrow. This type of bullpen mismanagement is why I still say "Joe must go"!)

More on NFL Sociopaths

Pacman Jones thinks he has earned an early reinstatement for the NFL. I don't know how he has conducted himself during his suspension, but the following statement by Pacman leaves me less than optimistic that he has fundamentally changed...

"I know what decisions to make, what decisions not to make. As far as change, I wouldn't change myself for nothing in the world. I just need to change some of the decisions I make."

How does this man not realize that his decisions are a reflection of himself? Not to get too philosophical, but what is a person besides an accumulation of his decisions? If Jones doesn't address whatever personality disorder he suffers, he will be back to shooting up strip clubs in no time.

Oh Henry!

Travis Henry is still 28 years of age. He has (at least) nine kids, with nine different women, in four states. Henry is about to be suspended for a season, because of his 3rd failed drug test. I guess I should think he's a great, big irresponsible jerk. Had he stopped at 4 illegitimate kids, and two failed drug tests, I would hate the guy. But siring nine bastards and thrice testing positive for drugs is so completely over the top, that I almost have to assume that Henry is deliberately living his life as a satirical commentary on the state of African American males. If I'm right, his brilliant work beats the pants off of the Colbert Report.

No Torre Loyalist

From the Bergen Record, George Steinbrenner on Joe Torre:

"His job is on the line" He continued "I think we're paying him a lot of money. He's the highest-paid manager in baseball, so I don't think we'd take him back if we don't win this series."

I hope this is true. Yes, it's unfair to judge a manager on the result of a playoff series. However, when one builds his reputation on being a postseason winner, you can't complain when people think you've lost your "magic" after losing for seven consecutive years.

More on this, if the Yankees lose this series.

The Crap Shoot

1) Remind me never to predict a postseason baseball series again. It looks like I'm about to 1-3 on my first round picks. Every October, we re-learn that the playoffs are a complete crapshoot. Eleven and a half months later, we re-forget this lesson.

Consider how similarly these postseason opponents have performed in the regular season.

Indians won 96. Yanks won 94.
Red Sox won 96. Angels won 94.
Rockies won 90. Phillies won 89. (Rockies won there 90th in the one game playoff)
D'Backs won 90. Cubs won 85.

So in 3 out of 4 of these series, 162 games wasn't enough to seperate the postseason opponents by more than 2 games. How are we to expect a 5 game series to accurately determine which team is better?


2) Can we finally put to bed the notion that experience matters in the playoffs? The young Rockies just swept the Phillies. The Baby 'Backs swept the Cubs. The Indians, with only one player who has ever played a playoff game, are one game away from sweeping the Yankees, who are participating in their thirteenth consecutive postseason. Baseball is baseball. It's fundamental nature doesn't change, because more people are watching.


3) Today, MLB is staring down the barrel of a 4 sweeps. Making matters worse, the teams from the 4 biggest media markets in the country, New York, L.A., Chicago, and Philadelphia, are all about to get bounced. Yikes!

4) The Yankees/Indians series is the perfect illustration of the unpredictability of a short series. Chien-Ming Wang, a devastating sinkerballer, left his pitches belt-high throughout Game 1. It happens about 3 or 4 times a year. When his ball has no life in June, it's just one of those days. When Wang doesn't have it in the Division Series, the Yankees are put in a situation where they have to win 3 out of 4 to advance.

I know it sounds like sour grapes, but I truly believe the Yankees would have won Game 2, if not for a Biblical plague of gnats. Joba Chamberlain never struggled with his control, until he was covered with more bugs than a fresh carcass ine the Amazon. They were clearly bothering him.

5) Goodbye A-Rod. I will genuinely miss you. Listening to WFAN this weekend, I got the vibe the Yankees fans had already turned on him. A .314/54/156 season, doesn't buy you 6 hitless at bats, with these spoiled fucks. Unless he gets a hit in his first at bat tonight, he is going to get booed mercilessly by shithead Yankees fans.

He will then decide that Yankees fans are insatiable assholes and leave New York. Rodriguez will join the Angels or the Tigers, with the ultimate vendetta against the Yankees. Meanwhile, the Yankees will replace A-Rod with Wilson Betemit and Yankees fans will wonder where all the runs went. Somehow, they won't make the connection that they chased their best player since Babe Ruth, out of town.

Then I will completely disassociate myself with other Yankees fans. I will still cheer my team on, but on my own terms. I will not participate in any chants or slap hands with anybody in the crowd. I will be an island, unto myself, in a crowd of 55,000.

Keys to the Yankees/Indians Series

1a) Starting Pitching
1b) Hitting
3) Luck
4) Bullpens
5) Defense
6) Baserunning
Just like every other baseball series that has ever been, or ever will be, played.

Side note: If Joe Torre starts Doug Alphabet against C.C. Sabathia tonight, I will (insert your own hyperbolic, idle threat of brutality)!

A Garden (Toga) Party?

You want to know my opinion on the Isiah Thomas trial? No? Well tough cookies, you're going to get it. After weighing all relevant evidence and applying my knowledge of the law (I'm an attorney), my verdict is.... MSG sounds like an awesome place to work. Throughout the trial MSG was made out to be a frat house where the chicks(aka interns) are loose and the b word is thrown around with nary a hesitation. That sounds like my type of office. I would pay $11M to work there and somehow Anucha gets paid $11M for not being able to handle it. As the Wu put it so eloquently, "Shame on Anucha."

Thanks, Sports Guy

Thanks Sports Guy. I've been wanting to get into the AL Divisional Series, but didn't know where to begin. The whole thing is so overwhelming. Four teams, two series. Information overload! Fortunately, you wrote this article, suggesting just 25 people to watch in the AL Playoffs. Way to narrow my focus. It will be so much easier to follow with only 12 or 13 guys to pay attention to in each game.

P.S. I am not a Sports Guy hater. I have generally enjoyed his work of the years. Is he as good as he used to be? No. Is he still better than me? Infinitely.

Backstreet's Back Not Alright?

In one of the least shocking stories of the last few years, boy band guru Lou Pearlman has been accused of sexually molesting many of his former clients including members of the bands Backstreet Boys, O-Town, and Take Five. These accusation raise the obvious question of whether it is really molestation if the victim enjoys it. Anyway, I won't ruin the read for you by quoting from the article, but trust me, you MUST read some of the accusations. They are priceless. Read the article here.

Divisional Series Picks

Just for fun...

Yanks over Indians in 5
Sox over Angels in 3
Phils over Rockies in 5
Cubs over D'Backs in 4
Mets over Par on 14th

The Right Result for the Wrong Reason

Matt Holliday should have been ruled safe at home plate last night. He was obstructed by Padres catcher Michael Barrett. Directly from the rule book...

OBSTRUCTION is the act of a fielder who, while not in possession of the ball and not in the act of fielding the ball, impedes the progress of any runner.Rule 2.00 (Obstruction) Comment: If a fielder is about to receive a thrown ball and if the ball is in flight directly toward and near enough to the fielder so he must occupy his position to receive the ball he may be considered “in the act of fielding a ball.” It is entirely up to the judgment of the umpire as to whether a fielder is in the act of fielding a ball. After a fielder has made an attempt to field a ball and missed, he can no longer be in the “act of fielding” the ball.

Now watch this video. The relevant clip starts almost half way through, with about 1:07 to go.

Michael Barrett was obstructing on two different counts.

1. He clearly kicks his leg out to impede Holliday at the last moment, not to establish fielding position. This was not a situation in which Barrett "must occupy his position to receive the ball." (Bold letters are mine)
2. "After a fielder has made an attempt to field a ball and missed, he can no longer be in the “act of fielding” the ball." Barrett dropped the ball before Holliday slid into his shin guard. If he is no longer fielding the ball, he has no right to "impede the progress of the runner".

Of course, nobody ever enforces these rules. They are so completely ignored that nobody even mentioned obstruction, amidst all of the hysteria about the need for instant replay in baseball. In an ironic twist, this may actually be a case in which replay would have led to a greater injustice. The Rockies rightfully won the game; Holliday didn't need to touch home.

(I don't ask for much. But I'd appreciate a few "Nicely done, Tremont"s in the comment section for the work I've done in this post. I am completely right and apparently the only person on the planet whose considered it.)

Sweet, we've been Big Lead-ed and Dead Spun. If you're not a queer, you'll read rest of our blog here.

Schoeneweis Linked to Steroids

ESPN.com is reporting that Mets reliever Scott Schoeneweis purchased steroids while a member of the Chicago White Sox from 2003-2004. Read the story here.

The sports world can rest assured that he wasn't on performance enhancers this past season as he stunk up Shea for much of the season. Schoeneweis is the second Mets "pitcher" to be linked to steroids in the last year as Guillermo Mota served a suspension for the first few months of this season for a failing a test following last year's campaign.

Either Schoeneweis or Mota would make a great patient zero for my placebo steroid experiment. More to follow on that one.

One of the Funniest Clips I've Ever(ett) Seen

We're a couple days late on this, but I finally got around to viewing this clip today...and I'm sure glad I did. If you haven't seen it yet, do yourself a favor and check it out. It's funny on so many levels.

My Fantasy Football Fantasy

I want to acquire Ernest Graham, Shaun Alexander, and Tatum Bell so that I can then rename my team "Alexander Graham Bell"

Things Could Get Worse...

The Yankees and the Phillies could square off in the World Series. It's unfortunate that neither stadium is located on a fault line or behind inadequate levees.

The Worst Sports Weekend of My Life

Here is the rundown of the worst sports weekend of my life:

1. The Mets engineered the second biggest collapse in baseball history.

2. The Jets lost to the worst team in the NFL. Thankfully I wasn't around to watch that one. Unfortunately, I was at Shea Stadium instead.

3. The Gators were defeated by Auburn, ostensibly ending their bid for back to back BCS Championships. How improbable is it that a college kicker nails two consecutive 42 yard field goals when extra points are far from a sure thing in the collegiate game.

4. I led two fantasy baseball leagues going into the last game of the season. I won neither, which netted me a loss of approx. $600 in prize money.

Surprisingly, I'm still ticking which is either good news or bad news depending on who you talk to.

Damage Control 101

I received this "Message From the Mets" email today:

Dear Mets Fan:

All of us at the Mets are bitterly disappointed in failing to achieve our collective goal of building upon last year's success.We did not meet our organization's expectations -- or yours.Everyone at Shea feels the same range of emotions as you -- our loyal fans -- and we know we have let you down. We wanted to thank you for your record-breaking support of our team this year. Equally important, Ownership will continue its commitment in providing the resources necessary to field a championship team.Omar will be meeting with Ownership shortly to present his plan on addressing our shortcomings so that we can achieve our goal of winning championships in 2008 and beyond.

You deserve better results. Many thanks again for your record-breaking support.

The New York Mets

Thanks a lot guys. I feel a whole lot better now. I sincerely doubt though that "everyone at Shea" is feeling the same range of emotions as me. Tommy Glavine is probably already trying on his Braves jersey. Jeff Conine played in about 10 games so I'm sure he is just as attached to this team as I am. I sincerely believe that David Wright is taking the collapse hard, but I'm sure he will be comforted by his millions of dollars and ten girls he has banged since yesterday's loss. I'm over $100K in debt from student loans and the only bush I'm getting tonight is the Busch light I'm currently drinking.

Dear Mets Marketing Department,

Please stop patronizing me.

Sincerely,

Mookie

One Game Playoff! (Yawn)

I suppose I should be more jazzed about tonight's one-game playoff between the Padres and Rockies. These games are always a lot of fun. However, I can't shake the feeling that neither of these clubs are as good as the Toronto Bluejays, a team that didn't get within 10 games of a playoff spot in the AL. I don't even think that either team is as good as the Minnesota Twins. Quick, who is the best position player on the Padres? The best starting pitcher on the Rockies? If you're drawing blanks, it is not because you don't know baseball. It's because there aren't any good answers to those questions.

This game reminds me of the weak Big Show/Bossman program the WWF ran back in 1999. Neither party had any real heat, or ability for that matter. The feud had less juice than Ron Artest's record label. However, due to injuries to a couple of the more legitimate main eventers and being in the midst of the annual post-Survivor Series/pre-Royal Rumble lull, this feud actually culminated in a main event at a pay-per-view.

There is a 90% chance that I am going to fall asleep on this game, and I don't really care. The boxscores and highlights will suffice.

P.S. TBS is covering this game and Ernie Johnson is doing the in-studio analysis with Cal Ripken. (Clunky syntax alert!) Cal is every bit as dull as you would expect a man who never missed a day of work to be. I don't care that it is a baseball game. Let Kenny and Charles join Ernie in the studio.