Friday, June 29, 2007

NBA Draft Wrap-Up

Sorry about the previous post with no content. For some reason, I can't go back and edit it. So here are some final thoughts on yesterday's draft.

- This draft was ridiculously deep. Nick Fazekas, Glen Davis, Josh McRoberts, and Marcus Williams would have been first rounders in any other draft. Davis and Fazekas will be very nice pros, although Fazekas (poor man's Dirk) landed on the team that has the actual Dirk.

- I think Portland should have taken Durant, but I'm not going to belabor the point. I hate thateverybody had to pick either Oden or Durant and argue with certitude that their guy is absolutely the better player. I think both will win MVP awards in the NBA.

- Seattle was the big winner of the night. We already knew they were getting a franchise player in Kevin Durant. Then they traded Ray Allen, who is going to be washed up by the time Durant is ready to lead this team to a championship, for Jeff Green and Delonte West, two guys who could be major pieces of a '10-'11 title run. Nicely done.

- Isiah Thomas did a great job acquiring Zach Randolph. He has taken a lot of heat, but Isiah has bumbled his way to the best young front court in the NBA; Curry, Randolph, Lee, and Balkman off of the bench. It has taken longer than one would have hoped, but the Knicks might
have a 50 win team on their hands. This all goes out the window, if Randolph and Curry hit the buffets together and go all Oliver Miller on us.

- As a Nets fans, I am in the process of convincing myself that my team has what it takes to win the Eastern Conference, if of course, they resign Vince Carter. Despite all of his flaws, I am now convinced they have to re-sign him (more on that later). Sean Williams, Josh Boone, and a healthy Nenad Krstic should combine to take all but garbage minutes away from Jason Collins. Much like Mega Maid from "Space Balls", Collins has "gone from suck to blow". Somehow, 7 footer Jason Collins averaged 2.1 points and 3.9 boards and still managed to play 23 minutes per game. He shan't be getting that kind of burn again.
...Back to Vince Carter. He is not a franchise player. Signing him to a long-term deal for anywhere near the maximum salary is going to kill this team in 4 years. However, the next other best players are 27 year old Richard JeffersonI fully understand that. However, the Nets already have 34 year old Jason Kidd and 27 year old Richard Jefferson locked up for several years, so they might as well ride this core into the ground and try to reshuffle the rest of the deck. Besides, if they let Carter go, they are not going to stink enough to land a franchise player in the draft. Kidd, Jefferson, Krstic, and Co. would still be good enough to play 36-46 ball and keep the team in no-man's land that is the 10th to 14th picks of the draft.
Let's make one more run at the Conference title in this weak East, send Mikki Moore out to clobber the Western Conference representative's best player by their bench, and hope against hope that they didn't learn the lesson of this year's Spurs/Suns series.

- For bloggers of the world, there was a disturbing lack of potential sociopaths taken in this year's draft. By all accounts, Sean Williams is the closest thing to a no-goodnik selected in the first round and he might just be a pothead. There may not be a Stephen Jackson in the lot. This is a shame, because I am more than willing to risk an athlete firing a stray bullet into a baby's temple for some cheap material.

NBA Draft Live Blog

10:38: Thus ends the first round and our live blog. I hope all five of you really enjoyed it.

10:37: The 76'ers Petteri Koponen out of Finland. I heard he's a great Finnisher around the rim.

10:32: Someone needs to let Dick Vitale know that buttoning the top button on a polo makes him look like a nerd. I think that's Jimmy Valvano's job...oh wait. Sorry, too soon?

10:31: The Suns select Alando Tucker. He should fit in nicely as he is a good athlete and a good spot up shooter and playing with Steve Nash he'll be that much better.

10:30: The general consensus is that we would all love to see Josh McRoberts go in the second round. Douche.

10:29: I can't wait to get out of this first round. If this were the NFL draft however, we'd be on pick 10 or so (because of the inevitable trade).

10:25: The Spurs take Tiago Splitter, so he'll probably be good.

10:24: By the way, Alando Tucker, who does everything Afflalo does, but better, is still on the board.

10:19: The Detroit Pistons pick Aaron Afflalo. This will be a hard act to Afflalo for whomever is picking next. The androgynous, raceless fun police quickly ushers Afflalo on stage because the last thing you want to see is someone who was just assured a 3-yr NBA contract enjoy themselves. Also, according to ESPN Afflalo must improve "Athleticism" so Aaron better find a good genetic engineer. Tremont said that its as if he was hired by NASA with the human resources department noting, "must improve: intelligence."

10:12: The Houston Rockets select former Saints QB Aaron Brooks.

10:10: Though the concept is cool, I'm starting to get a little tired of these Agent Zero-Durant commercials

10:09: A call from Yao Ming is coming up. This should be some great television.

10:06: The Utah Jazz select Morris Almond. Joy. They couldn't find a white guy to pick so they drafted the most non-threatening African-American player left on the board.

9:59: Blazers select Rudy Fernandez: I am warming to the Spanish players. They always contribute.

9:57: Jerry Colangelo owes his bookie again and is selling his first round pick.

9:53: The Knicks select Wilson Chandler. Knick fan Mookie thinks he is "just a long athletic dude without much skill". I think he has a nerd's name and will be a failure. Why draft another forward forward, when you already have Curry, Randolph, Lee, and Balkman in your front court?

9:48: The Bobcats chose Jared Dudley of BC. Apparently former Senator Jesse Helms was ineligible to be drafted and they couldn't find anybody else from North Carolina to pick. Dudley looks rather gay in his picture.

9:44: A toupee/combover debate rages over Rod Thorn's head. Not at all flattering.

9:40: Nashty quips "Do you think it's too late for Isiah to get Eddy Curry and Zack Randolph on "Shaq's Big Challenge"?

9:37 Mitch Kupchak is rapidly turning into John Malkovich. Jim Gray has a delightful auburn tinge to his hair.

9:35: The Heat select Jason Smith. Looks like a ten day contract waiting to happen.

9:30: The Lakers select Jarvis Crittenton. We've got nothing.

9:25 From Nashty: Fran just said Bellinelli was a combination of Vinny Del Negro and Brent Barry. I'm guessing Golden St. might have wanted that scouting report before they made the pick

9:23: The Warriors take Marco Belinelli, rocking the black on black ensemble. He responds with a loud "Mama Mia!" That first round contract will buy his village a years supply of meatballs.

9:16: The Nets take Sean Williams. Tremont, a Nets fan (yes they do exist), is very happy with the pick. He would have been a lottery pick if he weren't a pothead. Him and Marcus Williams are going to have fun hanging out with one another.

9:15: The Knicks pick up Zach Randolph, Fred Jones, and Dan Dickau for Channing Frye and Steve Francis. WOW. Major deal. Randolph is an awesome low post player and the Blazers' clear room for Oden and get Francis's expiring contract. Tremont thinks it's a great deal for both teams. All of SYHD agree that this was a good move for the Knicks. They are now a very interesting team.

9:14: Nick Young speaks like he has Fragile X syndrome.

9:12: The Washington Wizards select Nick Young who is wearing an outfit the SYHD war room agrees is hideous.

9:08: From Nashty: Stuckey's take on his alma mater "I didnt qualify out of high school, so Eastern Washington was the school I had to go to"-I dont think this will be on their admissions flyers anytime soon

9:05: The Detroit Pistons pick Rodney Stuckey. Bobby Snyder is big fan of his suit. Tremont thinks that it's a suit R. Kelly would wear. Jay Bilas just said that Stuckey is as athletic as "all get out." He is now more hip hop than Yi.

9:01: Al Thornton- Strength: Pronounced lisp. Most likely to get caught with John Amechi.

8:59: The LA Clippers select Al Thornton- most likely to be arrested for dog fighting (he owns multiple putbulls). He immediately becomes one of the oldest players in the NBA. Jay Bilas just uttered the phrase "second jumpability" I'm about to end this blog.

8:56: Julian Wright- Strength: Mumbling

8:55: Stuart Scott still sucks.

8:52: With the 13th pick in the draft the Hornets select Julian Wright. Tremont was hoping that he was going to slip to the Nets. Wow, Dick Vitale even shills for ESPN while on ESPN (he's wearing an ESPN embroidered polo)

8:46: The 76'ers take Thaddeus Young and Tirico makes an awful pun that I don't feel like repeating.

8:43: Sal Paolantonio must have done something to piss someone at ESPN off big because he is always in Philadelphia. That's cruel and unusual punishment in some jurisdictions.

8:42: From Dakota: Espn should refund anyone who purchases insider. It has 1,000 Kg/kobe trade rumors and the only fucking trade is the C's trading their pick. Unbelievable.

8:40: From the ESPN analysis Acie Law must improve ball handling. Just want you want from a point guard. It's like drafting a SG who must improve shooting.

8:38: The Atlanta Hawks select Acie Law IV. The Hawks get a C for their draft. Not really, I just wanted to make that pun.

8:35: Nashty says about Hawes, "A slower version of Brad Miller-nice pick-he would have even been the best player on some of Reggie Theus' Deering high teams."

8:32: The Sacramento Kings select Spener Hawes. Best case scenario- Rich man's Chris Kaman.

8:30: The room unanimously agrees that the world would be a better place if John Mellencamp was dead.

8:29: Tremont thinks that white people should be able to take credit for Joakim Noah as he is three quarters white.

8:26: The Bulls via the Knicks select Joakim Noah. Between him, Ben Wallace, and Ty Thomas their front court is going to be impossible to stop on the offensive end. I hope Hinrich, Gordon, and Deng are ready to score every point next year. This is the sharpest suit I've ever seen. Stuart Scott is a dork.

8:25: From Nashty: is it just me or is Stephen A. Smith's whole persona just an impersonation of Chris Rock doing Nat X

8:22: From Johnny Dakota: I think that the Magic should start only drafting UF players like the Bobcats are doing with UNC. Just trade D-Howard and build around Brewer, Noah and Andrew DeClerq

8:21: Supposedly Wright runs the floor like a deer, to which Fat Dizzle responds, "I wonder if that deer is also lazy and overrated."

8:18: The Bobcats select Jared Jeffries, errr I mean Brandon Wright

8:15: Corey Brewer- Weakness: Annunciation

8:14: Noah's mom is showing a large amount of cleavage

8:11: Minnesota Timberwolves select Corey Brewer. Great pick. Great Suit. Bobby Synder thinks it's the best suit thus far. Also, who is that androgynous, raceless, genderless entity escorting the players on to the stage?

8:08: Downright Nashty said, "I can't understand this guys [Stuart Scott] English, and the Chinese guy's hard to understand too."

8:07: Yi is really eloquent. He has major endorsement deal written all over him. He sounds like Dikembe Mutumbo swallowed Andre the Giant.

8:03: The Bucks pick Yi Jianlian. Tremont feels bad for this guy as he will be "the only Chinaman in Milwaukee." Wow Fran Fraschilla just said that Yi "is hip hop, he's 50 cent." which is bullshit because Yi has only been shot twice. Seriously, there really doesn't seem to be anything remotely hip hop about this guy. Somewhere "Always Hip Hip" Derek Bell is laughing in his houseboat. Let's remember that Fraschilla got fired for pulling down his pants, point at his ass, and telling his team that that is what they are playing like.

8:02: Mookie wonders if anyone is actually reading this. There is no link from Shanoff tonight

8:01: Nashty on the Celtics trade, "Bill Simmons just chucked his latte at Dooze and woke up the Sports Girl in the process."

8:00: Quick shot of the Yi's family. Boy they are ugly.

7:59: Who is more mentally retarded Danny Ainge or Chris Benoit's son?

7:57: The Boston Celtics select Jeff Green (not the former UF Law student) and will immediately ship him to the Sonics where he will be a nice compliment to Durant. Green doesn't need the ball to be an effective player.

7:56: Mike Tirico is slowly morphing into Michael Wilbon

7:56: Luckiest man in America right now? Mike Conely Sr. who is the agent for both Conley Jr. and Oden

7:52: The Memphis Grizzlies select Michael Conley Jr. This does not bode well for last year's first rounder Kyle Lowery. Tremont hates Conley's tie. Our friend Boddy Snyder says that these guys really need to tighten their ties.

7:51: Fat Dizzle just broke the story that Oden's first endorsement deal is with Centrum Silver

7:49: Downright Nashty says "wow did you see Noah?" Fat Dizzle responds, "He's going to be the first woman chosen in the NBA draft."

7:47: The Atlanta Hawks select Al Horford. Great pick, but the shot of Joakim Noah in a seersucker suit with bow tie is classic. Might be the best draft outfit of all time. And Horford is the third straight sensible suit to hit the podium. Is this a David Stern directive?

7:43: Chad Forde is reporting that Durant's mom repped 185 10 times the other day

7:42: Another blockbuster...The Supersonics select Kevin Durant. The consensus in the room is that Durant's suit is a lot nicer than Oden's.

7:41: Downright Nashty comments that the only losing team Oden's ever been on was in 'Nam.

7:40: Stuart Scott sucks

7:38: Prob makes more sense to take Durant based on the Blazers personnel, but they don't want to be known as the team that passed on Oden

7:35: With the 1st pick of the draft the Trailblazers select Julian Wright...jk...it's Greg Oden. Tremont declares that Oden's suit is sensible, but his tie is hideous. With that contract he's getting he can afford a shopping spree at Brooks Brothers

7:34: Welcome to the SYHD NBA Draft Live Blog. The Trailblazers are on the clock. This is suspenseful.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Bizarre Celtics Trade

Curious trade by the Celtics. It appears that they will be sending the fifth pick in the draft, Delonte West, and Wally Szerbiadvalkdjnk to the Sonics for Ray Allen. Huh? The Paul Pierce that they have is demanding a trade. Instead of trading him and rebuilding (the sensible move), they are trading the number 5 pic for another Paul Pierce, only this one is 2 years older. I don't get this move on any level. They have probably locked up the 6th seed in the East for the next two years, but this team has ZERO upside. The Celtics two best players are on the back end of their primes and have pretty much the same skill sets.

I really dig this trade from the Sonics point of view.

Also From The Big Lead

The Kobe Bryant video. Seriously Kobe, what do you really think of Andrew Bynum.

Did Paige Have a Woody?


Former Cold Pizza anti-Bayless and current PTI talking head Woody Paige has been charged with sexual harrassment. Click on The Big Lead story here.

NBA Draft Live Blog

Sorry about the lack up content updates today, but the SYHD crew is getting prepared for tonight's NBA Draft. I will be blogging with Tremont live and direct from his basement. It will be tough to live up to the excellent NFL Draft live blog we put forth in April, but we'll give it a shot. So check back in with us around 7:30pm.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

A New Way of Looking at Something You Already Knew



Julio Franco turned 30 in 1988!!!!!!!!!!! He was in the last throes of the average player's prime, when "The Simpsons" was still a bit on the "Tracy Ullman Show". Julio Franco was 32 years of age, before anyone had ever heard the names Luke Perry and Jason Priestley! He was 33, before anybody outside of Seattle had heard of a band called Nirvana! This man is still playing Major League Baseball!!!!!

Rob Neyer, Watch Your Back

Rob Neyer must be among the 200+ readers of this blog, because he completely ripped off my last Joe Torre post. Rob, I'm a big fan, but if you keep stealing my material, I will not hesitate to stuff a knuckle sandwich down your lispy mouth.

P. Diddy Forgetting His Past

So for some reason I'm currently watching an episode of Making the Band Season Whatever. In this episode Puff Daddy is constantly on the fat contestant's case about losing weight. Diddy wants the guy to exercise and diet so he can be healthier which is fine, BUT he also wants to guy to get into shape so that he can be "camera ready." Now please consider that Biggie was one of the least camera ready artists of all time, yet he made Puffy millions of millions of dollars through album sales and as a platform for Puffy to record albums and sign artists. Puffy's career is essentially built off the legacy of a fat, not particularly attractive, but very talented performer. So shouldn't Puffy more than anyone realize, that being "camera ready" is not a prerequisite to success in the industry?

Benoit Update

Well, looks like the alternate theory was wrong and the original theory of the Benoit murder is correct. This all just really sucks on many levels. Atlanta police have released the text messages that Benoit sent which lead the WWE to call them. Click here for the text messages. Another disturbing part of this story is that their 7 yr old son was found with needle marks in his arm as he was apparently being administered with HGH because his parents thought he was undersized.

Mini-rant: The media is trying to make this into a 'roid rage story, which does not seem to ring true based on the facts that have been released. My understanding of 'roid rage is that something will set someone off leading to an immediate violent reaction. While the circumstances of Benoit killing his wife are not known, all reports are that he suffocated his son the day after killing Nancy. The time lag between the killings means that the act took premediation and thought on the part of Benoit, which weighs against 'roid rage. Plus there are reports that the relationship between Benoit and his wife was extremely rocky over the past several weeks and there was a history of violence in the home- Nancy called the police on Chris back in 2003, but later relented on the allegations. Now if you want to make an argument that long term steroid use can produce psychotic or sociopathic effects on the brain then go gather the evidence, but this tragedy should not be turned into some steroid witch hunt.

(Thanks to Jimer for the link)

[Update: According to the 411mania newsboard an unconfirmed report states that Benoit's child may have suffered from Fragile X syndrome while may explain why he was being injected with human growth hormone. Also a doctor noted that long term steroid use can lead to depression which may have contributed to Benoit's heinous actions.]

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Fire Joe Morgan

This week's Joe Chat analysis over at Fire Joe Morgan is absolutely classic. Check it out here.

Fire Joe Torre! Tonight!

Is Mariano Rivera still on the team? The Yankees have lost two of the last three games in walk-off fashion, without finding a way to bring in the best relief pitcher in the history of the game.

Tonight, tied 2-2 in the bottom of the ninth, Joe Torre sat and watched as Scott Proctor walked three batters, including the walk-off walk to Ramon Hernandez. Meanwhile, Mariano Rivera, the guy who is the BEST EVER in one to two innings stints was left as much a spectator as you and me.

On Saturday, the Yankees used seven pitchers in a 13 inning affair in San Francisco. Guess which future Hall of Fame relief pitcher was not used...You got it; Mariano Rivera. Incidentally, Scott Proctor lost that game as well.

The easy thing to do is to blame Scott Proctor for these losses. After all, he did stink in both appearances. However, this is really Joe Torre's fault. Mariano Rivera has not pitched since Friday. Unless he is nursing an undisclosed injury, he was well rested and clearly the Yankees' best option to pitch the ninth inning tonight. Torre did not use his best man, simply because it was not a "save" situation. Torre completely misallocates his resources, because he is a slave to a silly stat.

So fire Joe Torre and call Don Mattingly and Joe Girardi up for interviews. Make both of them repeat the following sentence a thousand times...

(When on the road) PRESERVING A TIE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN PRESERVING A LEAD.

Hire the candidate that repeats the phrase with more conviction.

I Mean this in the Least Gay Way Possible...



While watching the replay of last night's Mets-Cards game, I noticed something that I had not noticed before: Mike Maroth has the crystal blue eyes of an angel. This revelation alone makes my father's purchase of a hi-def television worthwhile.

Awful Announcing's NBA Mock Draft

The boys over at Awful Announcing are having bloggers run a NBA mock draft. I signed up to pick for the NY Knicks. Here is how the draft played out prior to my pick:
Here's your update......
1. Portland- AA- Greg Oden
2. Seattle- Stupid Sideline Reporters- Kevin Durant
3. Atlanta- Nyjer Please- Al Horford
4. Memphis- Mile High Ramblings- Yi Jianlian
5. Boston- OMDQ- Joakim Noah
6. Milwaukee- Cake Rocks The Party- Brandan Wright
7. Minnesota- Blog of Hilarity- Mike Conley Jr.
8. Charlotte- Sports Show on Mute- Corey Brewer
9. Chicago (from New York)- Fan I- Jeff Green
10. Sacramento- Lunatic Fringe- Spencer Hawes
11. Atlanta (from Indiana)- Nyjer Please- Acie Law
12. Philadelphia- J-Beanie- Julian Wright
13. New Orleans- Digital Headbutt- Aaron Aflalo
14. L.A. Clippers- Signal to Noise- Jarvis Crittenton
15. Detroit (from Orlando)- We Suck At Sport- Rodney Stuckey
16. Washington- Larry Burns- Thadeus Young
17. New Jersey- Larry Brown- Glen Davis
18. Golden State- J from Ballhype- Al Thorton
19. L.A. Lakers- Classic Cola- Jason Smith
20. Miami- Extra P- Tiago Splitter
21. Philadelphia (from Denver)- J-Beanie- Nick Young
22. Charlotte (from Toronto via Cleveland)- SS on Mute- Sean Williams
23. New York (from Chicago) - Shoot Your Hopes

My pick:

Is Kevin Durant still on the board?...silence....(tapping the microphone)...thank you, thank you...is this thing on?
With the 23rd pick in the 2007 AA NBA Mock Draft, the New York Knicks select....Alando Tucker. I really wanted Sean Williams in this spot as I think he could develop into a nice front court compliment to Eddie Curry, but since I got submarined by the Bobcats, I'll take Tucker. I'm not just taking Alando because he shares his last name with my all-time favorite Knick Trent Tucker, rather I believe Tucker is long (6'7 wingspan) and athletic enough to play SF and has enough versatility in his scoring game to be a nice complimentary player on the offensive end of the court. With Quentin Richardson in a constant state of pain, the Knicks are in need of an offensive minded SF. Neither Balkman, who can't shoot, or Lee, who is really a PF, can fill that void. Tucker is a legitimate threat from 3pt range and can put the ball on the floor effectively. I think he can eventually develop into a nice third option on offense. I'm not overly concerned by his performances in the NCAA Tourney. I also considered taking Nick Fazekas with this pick, but his game is too similar to Channing Frye's.

Alternate Benoit Murder Theory

SYHD contributor Fat Dizzle heard another version the Benoit murder bandied about on the radio today. According this alternative report, it was Benoit's wife Nancy who smothered their child. Nancy apparently then called Chris. It is not known what exactly she told him, but it caused Chris to travel back to their Atlanta home. Upon the discovery of their dead son, Chris then strangled his wife with an alarm clock cord and then hanged himself sometime after. I don't know how much credence to give this version, but it certainly seems a bit more plausible than Benoit killing his wife and child in cold blood.

Benoit Update

The tmz.com is reporting the grizzly details of the Benoit murder. It does in fact appear that Benoit killed his wife and child and then killed himself. This is just bizarre and sick. I hope some information will come out shedding light on Benoit's motive for his actions. You can find the TMZ story here.

(Thanks to reader Ant G for the tip)

A Crippling Loss



Yesterday, WWF (I will never call it WWE) wrestler Chris Benoit, his wife Nancy (former WCW valet Woman) and his 9 year old son were found dead in their Atlanta home. Various news outlets are reporting that the crime scene is being considered a double murder-suicide, with Benoit as the main suspect. Personally, I think this is going a little too far to get heel heat. The Atlanta police are conducting an autopsy, but I wonder if they have a test for death by cross-face.

Seriously though, this is a difficult story to write. I've been a big Benoit fan ever since he wrestled Booker T. in a classic best of seven series years ago in WCW. He was a great technical worker and always wrestled his ass off, whether he was vying for the championship or wrestling the Boogie Man. At the same time, it would be rather inappropriate to write a tribute to a guy being accused of killing his wife and their child. Last night the WWF cancelled a live Raw, ended the McMahon death angle, and ran a 3 hr tribute to Benoit. They were really between a rock and hard place because none of the wrestlers wanted to go out there after receiving the news of Benoit's death and the tragedy had to be addressed by the federation, but the initial details that were out were suspicious and hinted heavily at foul play. Now if it is found that Benoit killed his family and later himself, should the federation wash its hands completely of its former champion?

I'm also surprised by the lack of media coverage of this event. I just turned on all of the 24 hour news stations and two of them were leading with the wild fire out west, while one was talking about Paris Hilton getting out of jail. This story lends itself to sensationalism, but I guess the national media's disdain towards wrestling and wrestlers somehow leads to less coverage. This is the biggest celebrity related murder since OJ, yet Phil Spector and Robert Blake, who had been irrelevant for decades, got more media coverage instantaneously.
One theory that Tremont and I discussed was that all of these wrestling deaths over the past few years have been faked and everyone is going to come back for one big battle royal, but I think that is a bit of a reach.

It will be very interesting to see this story unfold. SYHD's condolences to the Benoit family and Nancy's family.
Oh here is video of Benoit breaking Sabu's neck:

Comic Relief

Bored with the Yankees dominance, Brian Cashman and Joe Torre are trying to make a playoff run with one hand tied behind their backs. How else can you explain the absence of relievers Chris Britton and/or Edwar Ramirez from the Yankees roster? Britton and Ramirez are pretty clearly the second and third best relief pitchers in the organization, behind Mariano Rivera, and yet both are currently wasting their time in Scranton.

Chris Britton, acquired for Jaret Wright this offseason, proved himself to be a quality Major League relief pitcher last year in Baltimore. At 23 years of age, Britton posted a 3.35 ERA, with 41 strikeouts and 17 walks, with the Orioles. I'm not saying he was lights out dominant. However barring injury or Steve Blass disease, he deserved to make the Major League team this year. This year in AAA, Britton has a 2.41 ERA, with 40 Ks and 11 walks in 33 and 2/3 innings pitched. Again, while these numbers do not scream dominance, they certainly indicate that the guy deserves to be in the Major Leagues.

Yet despite the Yankees bullpen struggling for most of the season, Cashman and Torre have only found 3 varsity games to pitch him in. In those 3 games, he has pitched 5 innings, allowing only one run, and two baserunners. Obviously the sample size is ridiculously small. I only mention it to show that Britton's performance for the Yankees this year should have bolstered his case to be on the 25 man roster. Unfortunately, the Yankees demoted him to Scranton when Roger Clemens was called up.

While Britton's case to make the Yankees is an absolute slam dunk, Edwar Ramirez's might be even more compelling. Granted he was a 26 year old unknown coming into this season, but he has been out of this world dominant this year. In the time he has split between AA and AAA this season, Ramirez has posted a 0.67 ERA, with a staggering 74 Ks in 40 innings.

Apparently his fastball barely touches 90 MPH and his strikeouts come from throwing changeups off of his changeup, but he is clearly doing something right. Also, the Yankees picked him up off of the Indie League scrap heap last year, so I'm not completely sure we have a long term keeper here. However, at this point the guy has to be worth a look. Even if this is just a complete fluke year for Ramirez, I'd rather extract some real value out of his career year, instead of giving Roy and the rest of the Dunder Mifflin warehouse workers a season to tell their grandkids about. Get him out of Scranton now!

It's amazing how teams get so hung up on having a second lefty out the bullpen. Ron Villone is 37 years old, with a career ERA of 4.78. He has not finished a season with an ERA under 4.00, since 1997! While not completely worthless, he is the definition of a journeyman lefty. Villone should NEVER be an obstacle for any remotely promising pitching prospect. Right now, he is blocking two of them.

It is also time to cut bait with Kyle Farnsworth. He throws the most hittable 98 MPH fastball you'll ever see and is not available to pitch on consecutive days. He is also an ornery character and is more likely to have missing children buried in his backyard than anybody in professional sports. There is not much there to like.

In sum, demote Villone, eat half of Farnsworth's contract and trade him for the proverbial bag of balls, and let us see what Britton and Ramirez can do.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Overrated/Underrated in the 2007 NBA Draft

Overrated

1) Brandan Wright- He is tall and athletic, but has little in the way of basketball skills. He is scrawny and doesn't seem to be able to score from outside of the paint. I have seen nothing to suggest he is a future All-Star caliber player and I don't even think he will be useful to a NBA in the short term. In a draft this deep, I can't believe anybody would consider making him a top 5 pick.

2) Al Thornton- He will turn 24 years old in the second month of the 07-08 season. That makes Thornton over a year older than Lebron James. So, what you see is pretty much what you get. If he can't contribute right away, it is unlikely he ever will. I can't imagine using a lottery pick on a guy that didn't make a name for himself, until most players his age had already graduated from college. Thornton is one of the better bets, among first round picks, to be out of the league by the time his first contract expires.

3) Mike Conley- I am not saying he isn't going to be a good NBA player. However, nobody has ever seen Conley play the point without a plethora of weapons on the court. At the high school level, I would have had 10 assists per game if my job was to lob the ball into Oden. In college, he added Ron Lewis, Dequan Cook, and Jamar Butler to the mix. I believe he will be a solid NBA point guard, but I'm not quite sold that he is a future star.


Underrated

1) Nick Fazekas- I usually like to throw water on the Great White Hopes, but I can't believe that this kid might slip to the second round. Had Fazekas left college after his sophomore season, he might have been a lottery pick. In the 2 seasons since then, Fazekas has averaged over 20 points and 10 rebounds per game. He is 6'11, fairly athletic, is a terrific mid-range jump shooter, and has a good feel for the game. He is not going to be an All-NBA player, but I would be very surprised if he can't be a solid rotation player on a good NBA team and he should be ready to contribute immediately. That should be worth a top-20 pick.

2) Corey Brewer- After a year or two of campaigning, SYHD creator Mookie has convinced me that Corey Brewer will be the best pro out of the Florida championship teams. At first, I ignored him, thinking that Mookie felt a kinship with Brewer, due to the thickness of their eyebrows. The stats don't impress, but when you watch the games you realize how good he is. He is a lock down defender. His speed and length should make him lethal in the increasingly fashionable transition game. He has also developed into a pretty good shooter. Brewer has shown that he doesn't need to be "the man" to be an impact player. I think he has a good chance of developing into a poor man's Scottie Pippen. If he isn't chosen in the top 5, it will be a big mistake.

John Maine = David Cone?

Is John Maine the next David Cone? Before you laugh me out of the room, there are both statistical and anecdotal similarities between the two.

After the 1986 season, David Cone was traded from the Kansas City Royals to Mets for backup catcher Ed Hearn, in what would eventually go down as one of the most favorable trades in Mets history. Hearn would go on to have no impact for the Royals in the two injury riddled seasons he was with the team. Cone was not overly impressive in his first two big league stints. In 1986, he had a cup of coffee with the Royals and posted a stat line of: 11 appearances, 22.7 innings, 5.56 ERA, and a 21/13 K/BB ratio. In 1987, with the Mets, Cone had a much larger workload. In 99.3 innings, Cone went 5-6 with a 3.71 ERA (102 ERA+), a 68/44 K/BB ratio, and a 1.31 WHIP.

Now let's look at the beginning of John Maine's career. While many feel that Maine was a the "throw in" in the Jorge Julio-Kris Benson deal, Omar Minaya has stated multiple times that the organization liked Maine's stuff and minor league credentials (Maine was near the top in minor league strikeouts in 2003) and was an important part of the deal. In the book "The Bad Guys Won" Mets management had similar feelings about Cone. Much like the Cone deal, the trade with the Orioles has worked out decisively in the Mets favor. Julio was flipped for a very effective El Duque and Maine has emerged as a front of the rotation starter, while Benson is out for the season with arm surgery.

Like Cone, Maine's first legitimate call up to the big leagues did not go well. In 2005, in 40 innings of work Maine posted a 6.30 ERA and 24/24 K/BB ratio. Again, like Cone, the change of scenery to beautiful Flushing did him well as he put up this stat line: 90 innings, 6-5, 3.60 ERA (120 ERA+), and a 71/33 K/BB ratio. This is just eerily similar to Cone's first year with the Mets.

Cone's 1988 and Maine's 2007 (thus far) further exhibit statistical similarities. In 1988, Cone went 20-3 with a 2.22 ERA (145 ERA+), a 1.12 WHIP, and rates of 3.2 BB/9 and 8.6 K/9. This year, Maine is on pace for a record of 15-8 and will likely fall short of Cone's 20-3 mark (which is no big deal since win-loss record is often team determinative and not a great stat for statistical comparisons anyway). His ERA and WHIP are just slightly higher than Cone's 1988 rates as Maine's ERA currently sits at a svelte 2.87 (142 ERA+) and his WHIP is 1.20. His BB/9 rate is 3.2- exactly the same as Cone's and he is averaging just 1.4 strikeouts less over 9 innings than Cone did.

Having watched both pitchers, I know that Cone had better stuff than Maine, but Maine has good late movement on his fastball which he generally spots well and his secondary stuff is getting better, thus making his fastball even more effective. Do I think he is as good as Cone? I'm not willing to place Maine on that pantheon yet, but their early career development is too similar to ignore.

The Mets Sweep the A's and I'm waiting for a positive Wallace Matthews article

and I'm waiting....and waiting...and waiting.....

Maybe Newsday editors just keep him in some dark room chained up like Sloth, throwing food at him just to keep him nice and hornery, waiting to unleash him next time a team or player does something bad. When a team plays well however, they take Joe Gergen out of his cerulean blue painted room that has James Taylor and Abba piping through it all day in order to write a cheery, positive article.

Make A Wish

While I'm being an insensitive prick, I figured I would complain about a ten minute Chris Connelly piece, about a Make-A-Wish kid that just aired on Sports Center.

First I would like to say that the Make-A-Wish Foundation seems like a fine charity. It's hard not to get behind any organization that brings a moment of happiness to an unfairly short and miserable life. Having said that, I'm not sure Sports Center is the appropriate place to show these pieces.

Three Issues with this Segment
1) Perhaps I am being unduly cynical, but Chris Connelly comes off a bit like Ed Norton's character early in "Fight Club", when he attends support groups for diseases that he doesn't have. It seems like he is searching for comfort in the suffering of others (or maybe I am just a huge dick).
2) The ten year old kid in this episode has suffered a great deal, but he seems healthy as a horse right now. His liver disorder only prevents him from playing collision sports, but other than that I think he has a pretty normal life. If you are really going to tug at my heart strings you are going to need some heavier hands.
3) The kid gets to meet Dwyane Wade, his idol. Wade takes him to his house and plays basketball with him in his backyard. They play a little one-on-one and Wade lets the kid win. Cute. No problems with that. But could Chris Connelly not narrate the one-on-one like it was an actual competition. "It was a seesaw battle. Noah fell behind 6 to 5, but then made the last two shots to win the game". An audience of retards thanks you for the play-by-play, Chris.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

"Rowdy" Roddy Beck Dead




In the sports (or sports entertainment) world, I thought only wrestlers passed away at the age of 38. However, Rod Beck has proven that any athlete that even resembles a professional wrestler is risking an early grave.
This is probably not a great time to mention it, but this guy always irritated the shit out of me. I didn't hate him in an "Oh, no! Not this guy! Might as well change the channel, because this guy is lights out!"way. In fact, aside from a few years early in his career, he was pretty hittable. I would welcome the opportunity to face him in a big spot.
I just hated everything about this guy. I hated his stupid look; the mullet, the fu manchu, the gut. Worse still, I hated how every announcer and analyst looked at the same ridiculous visage that I loathed and said "Now that's the face of a closer". No, that was the face of an asshole. The fact that he pitched ninth innings of baseball games, with modest success after 1994, had nothing to do with his sloppily groomed head.
The only thing that saddens me about his death is that I have to be reminded of this shithead one more time.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Exploring Alternative Employment



With nothing to do on a Friday afternoon but waste taxpayer dollars-I'd thought I'd throw this out there: given the tepid pool of dog crap that is the WWE these days, and given the fact Chris Henry and Pac Man Jones dont have a whole hell of a lot to do besides getting to court on time-would anyone on this planet be opposed a Pac Man/Henry WWE tag team? Not since HBK and slightly effeminate Mary Jannety pranced around the ring would a tag team be able to bring such electicity to an arena. Chris and Pac Man, if you are reading this here a few helpful hints to get over quickly:
1. Theme Music: this is too easy-anything other than Little Wayne's "Make it Rain" would be inappropriate (honorable mention to Chamillionare's "Riding Dirty" and the Ying Yang Twins "whisper song").
2. Manager: I would propose not one manager, but a posse of 15 strippers, thugs, and cokeheads who would randomly spray the crowd with paintballs as they make their way to the ring.
3. Finishing move: The stomp and chomp- Henry repeatedly stomps a previously incapacciated opponent to near unconsciouness when Pac Man would then perform a nasty bite on the ankle that would not stop until the opponent submits (if performed properly it will make the figure 4 look like a Swedish leg massage).
4. Feuds: the late, great, Big Boss Man would be the natural choice, but given his unavailability I think the Hardy Boys would be a suitable replacement.
Please consider this article as simply a way to get the ball rolling guys, ill leave the rest to you and your probation officers.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Was Cockmuncher Already Taken?

Good thing this guy is big and athletic, otherwise he may have set the record for most atomic wedgies from elementary school through high school. Ladies and gentlemen I would like to introduce you to Kyle Sackrider. Somewhere Ben Gay feels his pain.

(Thanks to Johnny Dakota for the find)

Fun With Young White Quarterbacks

Over at Kissing Suzy Kolber they have posted some unverifiable, but albeit funny stories involving Big Ben and Kyle Orton, respectively. Check it out here.

Obligatory Sammy Sosa Post

Well since pretty much every sports blog in the blogosphere has commented on Sosa hitting number 600, I suppose, in our attempt to get away from teen melodrama posts and keep up with current events, we should comment on Slammin' Sammy's chances of being inducted into the Hall of Fame. Since the voters are stodgy old sports writers who are willing to look past doctoring baseballs and stealing signs, but not steroid use, I don't think he will be a first ballot. Should he be inducted? I think so simply because he has had a great career and I don't give a rats ass about steroid use (please read here and here), but lets take it to baseballreference.com to be sure. Baseball Reference has metrics designed to measure Hall of Fame worthiness. Here is what it has computed about Sammy:

Black Ink: Batting - 28 (62) (Average HOFer ≈ 27)
Gray Ink: Batting - 142 (108) (Average HOFer ≈ 144)
HOF Standards: Batting - 50.9 (69) (Average HOFer ≈ 50)
HOF Monitor: Batting - 201.0 (38) (Likely HOFer > 100)


So by Baseball Reference standards he belongs in the Hall and that's good enough for me.

We Don't Care Who's Got Next, We Got Now!

After just eight seasons, WNBA superstar Chamique Holdsclaw has decided to call it quits. The former L.A. Sparks All-Star caught her team off guard when she retired just five games into the season. Holdsclaw quit because she "lost interest" and wanted to move on to other things. Apparently, this decision was made after she watched the first four game tapes of the season. I never thought that a sport could be so boring that the athletes playing in it would become just as bored as the fans. But, I guess when your sports yearly top 10 plays consist of "fancy" bounce passes and reverse layups where the player can't clear a telephone book on her vertical, I would get pretty bored as well. However, after some lengthy research, I discovered that woman's basketball is not completely useless.



I think the NBA should look into hiring some of these ladies to teach the Alonzo Mourning/Larry Johnson's of the world how to throw down. All that was missing from this brawl was a hunched up Van Gundy gnawing at the players ankles.

Thoughts on Dawson's Creek

Ok, so I'm watching the 3rd episode of Dawson's Creek, you know the one where Dawson discovers that his Mom is cheating on his Dad, and I'm thinking to myself that this show has some of the worst dialogue I've ever encountered. I know this is not a new observation and would have been much more relevant 9 years ago, but these kids are supposed to be 15, yet have vocabularies of English professors. I'm an Ivy League grad with a degree from a top tier law school (Not to toot my own horn, but BEEP BEEP) and these little snot nosed kids are putting together sentences and using words I barely comprehend. For example Joey and Dawson were big emoting about life and as she gets up to leave she says, "Well Dawson, I got to get going, the subtext is killing me." I watched that whole scene intently and have absolutely no idea what she was alluding to, so how the hell did the average tween and Anthony Diraimondo, who were watching this show religiously at this point, know what was going on?

Joe Henderson = Total Square

Apparently Tampa Bay sports journalist Joe Henderson does not find Elijah Dukes nearly as amusing as we do over here. In his most recent article he argues that the Devil Rays should cut ties with their troubled outfielder. I'm not going to lambaste him on his main point because maybe the guy does need a change of scenery, but I will take him to task on his lame attempt at humor. Here is an uproariously hilarious excerpt from his article:


"If the Rays haven't released him by the time you read this, or at least traded him to the Cincinnati Bengals, then why not?"

Oh wow, a Bengals joke. That's fresh and original. At least when I make a Bengals joke I know it's lame and played out, so I follow the punchline with a "Ba dump bump." This Henderson guy however obviously thinks this is gangbusters material. I haven't seen comedic writing this awful since every episode of "The Parkers."

This leads me to my main point which is I believe that every sports section should have an humor editor to stop writers from making corny, trite, and cliched jokes. I'm sure sports writers have never been funny, but now that my humor taste buds have fully matured, I'm much more attuned to the hack jokes being churned out on their typewriters and it seems like bad one-liners in columns are a pandemic. May be that explains why Bill Simmons rose to such fame and sports blogs are increasing popular and relevant. People, especially those in younger demographics, are just tired of reading droll, alarmist, humorless shit. However, these aforementioned journalists do provide good fodder for posts like these and without them my favorite site Fire Joe Morgan wouldn't exist, so maybe they serve a purpose. After all, if there are no dorks in the world how would people know if they are cool.

Oh and here is the Henderson article.

What It Feels Like To Be a Mets Fan Right Now

The Mets dropped their rubber match to the Twinkies last night and have lost seemingly 789 series in row. The Metropolitans are in quite a tailspin and while I'm not about to jump ship or yell that the sky is falling, their play over the past 3-4 weeks has been extremely frustrating. One night the offense is anemic, the next night Tommy Strikeout is giving up at least a run per inning, and the next Heilman or Schoeneweis is giving up one of his trademark 3-run home runs. The team just can't seem to play good crisp baseball for more than one game. Worse yet, the team hasn't been competitive in many of their losses making them an wholly unentertaining product over much of this stretch. So what does it feel like to be a Mets fan right now? Remember that skit on the first Wu Tang album between "C.R.E.AM." and "Method Man" where Raekwon and Meth discuss sociopathic ways to torture one another such as smashing the other's nuts with a spiked bat or sewing one's asshole closed and keep feedin' em and feedin' em and feedin' em and feedin' em. Well I feel like all the tortures that were discussed are being done to me right now simultaneously.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Tiger Woods Fatherhood Haiku

Tiger had a girl

Now he wants a mulligan

Disappointment reigns

Wiimbledon

Long time friend and creative head honcho over at www.1tuffplace, CmcD is looking to etch his name in the annals of history along the likes of Bjorn Borg, John McEnroe, Pete Sampras, and Roger Federer by competing in the first annual Wiimbledon. This event is to hipsters what Wimbledon is to British tabloids and should be chock full of ironic anti-establishment garb and Arcade Fire concert CD swapping. CmcD is documenting every isometric thrust in his ongoing training diary. Mr. McD, we at SYHD wish you the best of luck in your tight tennis whites.

Elijah Dukes Singlehandedly Keep Sports Blogs Afloat

I should have reported this yesterday when the story broke, but I wasn't really around the old PC much, so my apologies. Anyway one of our favorite blog subjects, not named Arod or Wallace Matthews, is back making news. Click here for another bizarre Elijah Dukes story.

Obligatory Reggie Theus/Hang Time Joke

For those who don't know former Saturday morning sitcom head coach Reggie Theus has signed on to coach the Sacramento Kings. I hope he knows that the motivational techniques he used on Theodore "Teddy Bear" Brodis will not work on Ron Ron Artest. Theus, always an out of the box thinker, has denied that he will bring a top female basketball player on the team, so Rebecca Lobo can stop waiting by the pay phone that she now lives next to...it ain't gonna ring. Lastly, Dick Butkus is foaming at the mouth, waiting for the opportunity to take over for Theus sometime after the second season.

Monday, June 18, 2007

The A-Rod Apologete (A is for Awesomeness)

So far this June, Alex Rodriguez is batting .393, with a .500 OBP, 8 home runs, and 28 RBI. We can safely put the "A is for April" bravo sierra behind us. Alex Rodriguez is the RUNAWAY MVP thus far this season.

Myths debunked this season:
1) A-Rod can't get a big hit
2) Okay maybe he can get big hits, but only in April
3) A-Rod is gay

The Andrew McCarthy Theory



Mention the name Andrew McCarthy in unsophisticated circles and you may hear some snickers. His solid run of melodramatic 80s teen dramas came to end after making some seemingly poor choices to star in "Mannequin" and "Weekend at Bernie's". However I believe that, much like Harry S. Truman, history will vindicate Mr. McCarthy for his unpopular decisions.
No actor has ever played two more diverse roles than McCarthy did in "Mannequin" (as Jonathan) and "Weekend at Bernie's" (as Larry). Skeptics, hold your laughter. In "Mannequin", Jonathan is forced to make believe that Kim Cattrall's character, who he knows is alive, is dead. In "Weekend at Bernie's", Larry has to pretend that Bernie Lomax's dead body is actually alive.
By definition, you couldn't be involved in two more polar opposite scenarios. The pro that he is, McCarthy manages to pull off both character's swimmingly. The great ones always make it look easy.

The People Have Spoken

I'm sorry, but I'm obsessed with Wallace Matthews. A few days ago I posted an article he wrote lambasting Arod for no good reason. Well thankfully I am not alone in my Matthews hatred. Readers are unabashedly bashing Matthews on the Newsday sports section comment board and for good reason. Hopefully the editors take note and send him packing, so that he can go write for a church newsletter, where he can rip into an alterboy of his choosing on a biweekly basis.

Part of me will be sad when Matthews is fired because I do get some enjoyment from reading his articles. I like that I know for a fact that I'm much smarter than somebody else on Earth. Plus it's so rare that I actually care about anything, so it's nice to feel any emotion at all even if it is disdain. Yet, it's frustrating that someone who doesn't understand that basic principles of causation and correlation and who has a 4th grade writing level is paid good money to watch and opine on sports. There are so many people more deserving of his job. It's a shame that someone has to toil away following the high school sports beat for a shit paper while he figures out a way to work an Arod pot shot into a column about Martin Brodeur.

Daily Wallace Matthews Rant

The Shakespeare of the NY sports journalism scene (cough***HACK***cough) is up to his knee jerk reactionary best once again. Over the past week he has written articles about how the Yankees would be better off without Arod and how Roger Clemens needs to pitch a shut out every time to avoid being a bust. Now he has shifted his short sighted views to the sputtering Mets, particulary slumping Carlos Beltran. Granted Beltran had a disappointing first season with the Mets and is currently mirred in an awful stretch, but as far as Matthews is concerned the 2006 baseball season never happened. Afterall, why let facts get in the way of a perfectly horrible argument? To quote Matthews:

"Despite the seven-year, $115-million contract, making him the highest-paid player on the team with baseball's third-highest payroll, not a whole lot has been asked of Beltran. And that has worked out just fine, because so far, Beltran hasn't provided all that much."

Wait, maybe I'll give Matthews the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he is just referring to Beltran's production this season...uh oh:

"Mets fans, who were rough on Beltran in his first season here as part of some strange tribal ritual of passage - Tino Martinez and Jason Giambi went through it in the Bronx - but since then have been remarkably tolerant of Beltran's production, or lack thereof."

Last year, Beltran had one the best offensive season in theNY Mets history. For those who like counting numbers Carlos batted .275 with 41 HR and 116 RBI. He scored 127 runs and swiped 18 bases. That stat line obviously impressed the MVP voters as Beltran finshed fourth in the balloting. The Sabermetricians will look to his .388 OBP .594 SLG and 153 OPS+ as proof that he had a great year. Beltran trails only Mike Piazza, Darryl Strawberry, John Olerud, and one freaky Bernard Gilkey season, for highest single season OPS+. That is pretty good production, but I can understand how Wallace Matthews forgot about it since he was preoccupied with Arod all last season. If fact, amazing enough Matthews takes time out of his vitirol fueled Beltran rip to take a pot shot at Arod:

"This can no longer be shrugged off as a temporary slump; for the past six weeks, Beltran has been so lost, it's a wonder he can find his way to the ballpark. Over that time, the Mets are a .500 team (20-20).And you thought Alex Rodriguez was the most overpaid Scott Boras client in town"

I CAN'T SAY THIS ENOUGH....AROD IS NOT OVERPAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Arod has won one MVP with the Yankees and is seemingly on his way to a second. The Texas Rangers are paying a chunk of his salary. He isn't even the highest paid Yankee- that would be Clemens followed by Jeter- yet he is far and away the most productive. Plus why is Matthews so obsessed with how the Yankees, a team without any meaningful budget, pays one of their players? It doesn't effect Matthews' life or anyone else's in any tangible way since Arod's salary has no bearing on ticket pricing or what other players are acquired, yet Matthews feels the need to mention Arod's salary in every article he has ever written. Arod has simply become Matthews' white whale. Maybe its jealousy of Arod's talent or Matthews' projecting his own inner inadequacies outward, but Matthews is going after Arod with the same incoherent ferver that Joseph McCarthy went after "communists" with and we all know where that got him.

Memo To Pac Man Jones

Pac Man in Trouble Again

Dearest Pac Man,

I know this is asking a lot, but can you please find some new friends. It seems as if your entourage has some sort of infatuation with causing trouble. I know it's difficult to cut your whole crew, so if you want to keep chumming around with them I think it you be in your best interest as well as that of the public and Titans fans if you could stop going to strip clubs with firearms. I know a lap dance just isn't the same if a stripper says "Is that a glock in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" and then you can'y actually say it's a glock and then pull it out to show her, but is it really worth all of this mess simply for a sight gag?

Sincerely,

SYHD

Friday, June 15, 2007

Nightly Wrestling Haiku




Austin three sixteen
Says I was a lot gayer
As the Ringmaster

Mr. Obvious says: Duh

Cnnsi.com's Bucky Brooks wrote a mind blowing article predicting the continued decline of several NFL veterans. Ok now let's state the obvious: the declining performance of veteran athletes is not usually reversible (at least with out the help of performance enhancers). This is especially true for NFL players whose bodies have taken such a beating that their productivity can take a sharp downturn, sometimes unexpectedly. This drop in productivity of course depends on age and position. A running back can peak at the age of 25 after carrying the primary load for four years, while a QB can play into his late 30's if talented and relatively healthy. A common thread though, is once a player loses it due to a decline in talent or wear and tear or both, they very rarely get it back. Basically, all Brooks had to do for this article was to take a look at older NFL players that have had declining production over the past few years and then "predict" that their performance will continue to decline. Wow, that is really going out on a limb. To be fair, here are some article ideas that Cnnsi.com editors rejected: "The Sun Will Come Up Tomorrow", "Tuesday Will Be the Day After Monday", "When I Eat My 4th Meal at Taco Bell, I Will Poo the Next Morning", etc, etc, etc. A better idea for Brooks would have been to predict which productive players are about to hit the downside of their careers, but I guess that would take extensive research and analysis, which apparently isn't something Brooks wants to do.

Stop, Flop, and Roll


After watching the flop-fest that has befallen the NBA, I believe it's time for a radical rule change to lessen the number of offensive fouls. If they can cut down on the number of preposterous charges (mostly flopping-induced), they could even allow a little more contact on the shot, and let people play actual defense. Of course, taking a charge is sometimes necessary, especially when someone like Ronny Turiaf is out of control, barreling down the lane. But athletes are now hesitant to drive (i.e. Lebron), since if you step foot in the paint, Manu Ginobili is going to fling himself at the nearest official. So here is my proposal...

If you are on defense, and anything else than your feet or hands touch the floor, it's either an offensive foul or a technical.

Radical? Maybe. But I'm not Skip Bayless-ing you here. I think it would change the game for the better. If you fall to the ground, it had better be obvious that it was a foul. No more 300 pound guys acting like being nudged in the shoulder would send them flying 6 feet in the air. (For instance, look at the above picture. I could run full-speed at Raja Bell with my shoulder lowered, and I wouldn't get him to fly that far backwards). These are players that can keep their balance, but would rather fall down to seduce the official into making a call. If this rule were adopted, you would only see guys hit the floor that were legitimately run-over. Yeah, there might be some unfortunate missteps and goofiness (sorry Mark Madsen) that get punished, but it would drastically reduce a major problem and allow superstars to drive the lane.

It's not enough to just toughen the league's stance on offensive fouls. NBA officials suck. They get caught up in the action, the crowd, and the superstar personas. Make it black and white. Make it harder for people to undercut superstars going up to make a play. Make the person who just pretended to be knocked unconscious have to face his coach, knowing that he just allowed the other team free points.

Basically, just make it stop.

Houston, We Have a Problem

Former NBA slug Byron Houston, perhaps inspired by Eddie Griffin's foray into jerking and driving, was caught choking his chicken in his car. Houston how has now done something more notable than his entire NBA career. In a related note, the Cincinnati Bengals, trying to find the next Antonio Gates, are looking to sign him. Ba Dump Bump.

Spurs Win

In one of the most anti-climactic moments of the season the Spurs defeated the Cavs in Game 4 of the NBA to complete the sweep and gain yet another NBA Championship. Ho Hum. Outside of the Lebron going bonkos against Detroit, the NBA playoffs stunk after the Spurs-Suns series. Seemingly ever year the best matchup of the playoffs occurs on the Western Conference undercard. I guess it's just the luck of the draw sometimes, but certainly not good for a league renegotiating it's TV deal.

If you want analysis:

-If this were soccer Manu would've garnered multiple red and yellow cards for flopping all over the place. Even European hockey players get away with less.

-Parker and Duncan are really really good.

-How does a team with Jacque Vaughn in the rotation win a NBA Championship? NJ, Atl, Utah, and Orlando have to be kicking themselves for letting this winner go. Vaughn now has more titles than Karl Malone, Patrick Ewing, and Barkley combined.

-Lebron needs a little help on the offensive end of things. Glad the Big Zzzzz brought out the big guns this series and I don't think Larry Hughes has been the second option Danny Ferry thought he would be.

-All in all this was one of the worst, if not the worst NBA finals I can remember. At least the Knicks took a game off San Antonio back in 1999 to avoid complete embarrassment. Off topic- I still think Van Gundy is a moron for putting Larry Johnson on Duncan all series instead of Marcus Camby. Not that the Knicks would've won the series, but at least Duncan wouldn't have been able to score unabated.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

I'm Not Being Creative Enough

Here is an idea that I wish I had come up with because it involves two of my favorite three things in the whole world- The Mets and drinking. (Girls come a distant third and feel free to insert a gay joke there) I probably would've executed the post a bit a bit differently as some on the analogies are a bit tangential (I've been dying for the moment I could be pretentious enough to drop "tangential" in this blog), but the blogger gets an A for effort.

Ejilah Dukes: A Little Immature or Fantastically Sociopathic

Either way he is damn sure entertaining. Everyone's favorite wife threatening Devil Ray is back in the news. Click here for The Big Lead story.

SYHD'S GUTLESS REF OF THE DAY

Congratulations to Bob Delaney for being recognized as SYHD's gutless ref of the day. Hey Bob-when Lebron James gets pushed in the back before shooting a three to tie the game by a guy who had just been told by his coach to intentionally foul someone and is notrious for cheap shots, you might want to think about removing that apparatus from your lower trachea. Thanks again Bob for making this years Finals go from completely unwatchable to 'lets see whats on the CW network instead' unwatchable. For gods sake Mr. Delaney, you had the cajones to blow the whistle on the entire DiNorsico crime family but got the jitters doing the same on a run of the mill nba goon?

Quick Hit on the NBA Finals

To steal a joke from Triumph "The Insult Comic Dog", NBA finals ratings have been so bad that Osama Bin Laden is actually hiding on the court.

Mets Maintain the Status Kuo

Apparently Hung-Chih Kuo loves playing the NY Mets. He has two major league wins and both have come starting against the Metropolitans. He also racked up his first career homerun against Mets starter John Maine, who, in the second inning of last night's game, got bombed worse than the Spanish-American War battleship that shares his name. Kuo's HR was the third in three pitches thrown by Maine, with the first two dingers coming off the bats of Wilson Betemit and Matt Kemp, repsectively. The loss marks the Mets 8th in their last 9 games and I'm afraid that a few more weeks like this will lead to Endy Chavez throwing firecrackers at fans, Aaron Heilman supersoaking reporters with bleach, and Carlos Delgado wearing earplugs at the plate.

Verlander Breaks Le Tigre Out on the Brew Crew

Nothing new to add on the Verlander no-hitter except for my Zoolander reference in the title. For all the guff ESPN gets for being a synergistic, agenda driven, conglomerate (and often deservedly so) their status as such allowed them to make live cut-in's into the game the for last two or three half innings Verlander pitched and I'm greatly appreciative of that. I've seen Verlander pitch a few times, but his stuff in the 8th and 9th innings was just plain nastier than I had seen prior. At one point in the 9th he located a 102 mph fastball right on the outside corner- absolutely unhittable. How many starters from your childhood can you remember hitting 99 or 100 on the gun early in the game, let alone in the 9th inning? His curve was breaking so sharply that he was making MLB hitters look like 8 yr olds trying to hit a wiffleball in a hurricane. He got away with two hangers to JJ Hardy in the last at bat of game and was the beneficiary of the some nice defensive plays by in the 7th and 8th, but every no-hitter has a little luck involved in it. The bottomline is that Verlander clearly isn't suffering through the dead arm that many analysts suggested due to increased inning usage the past few years and man, do I wish that Verlander dropped one spot in the 2004 draft so the Mets could've gobbled him up instead of Phil Humber, who has already had Tommy John surgery and is scuffling a bit in AAA.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

RIP Mr. Wizard

Don Herbert, the host of the Nickelodeon Show "Mr. Wizard" passed away today. I remember watching Mr. Wizard a lot in my younger days, but I can't tell you that it was one of my favorite shows. The only lesson I remember is that if you stand in a doorway and push against the doorway frame for several minutes, your arms will rise up without purposefully raising them. Thank you Don Herbert for that lasting memory.

Earnhardt Joins Hendrick Motorsports

NASCAR's most popular driver is joining its most successful team! This is huge, because....

Psyche. I don't give a crap about car racing, but I have a day off today and nothing much to write about.

Oops She Did it Again

We have a Brittany Spears nip slip, sort of. Too bad it's not 1999. Still it's better than the crotch shot that surfaced several months ago. Not safe for work.

(Credit to The Superficial for breaking the story)

Vince McMahon Got Whacked!!!


Perhaps disenchanted with the lack of whacking in the series finale of Sopranos, some maniacal miscreant has apparently ended the life of Mr. McMahon via car bomb at the end of Raw last night. Top suspects include Stone Cold Steve Austin, Bret Hart, and hot newcomer Jimmy Wang Yang. Punishment for whacking the CEO of Raw ranges from life in prison to a Three-Way Dance with Umaga and Shane-O-Mac. Check out the link here.

Following Up On Wallace Matthews

Mr. Tremendous over at Fire Joe Morgan just completely obliterated the Wallace Matthews article I posted up earlier today. Newsday should fire the guy on the spot for the churning out hack article after hack article. I'm considering cancelling my subscription as a form of protest.
Here is the Fire Joe Morgan post. Enjoy!

Sopranos Creater David Chase Speaks...

And doesn't say much.

(Thanks to CS Scootsmoney for the link)

www.firewallacematthews.com

Seriously, someone with some html skills needs to start up this site. For those who don't know Wallace Matthews is a former MY Daily News boxing beat writer (when boxing was important enough to have a beat) who now, for some inexplicable reason, writes opinion columns for the Newsday Sports section. His whipping boy over the past several years, originally enough, has been Alex Rodriguez and despite Rodgriguez being the best player in baseball and on pace for the best season of his career, Matthews thinks the Yankees would be better off without him. Why you ask? Because the Yankees have won several World Series' without all-star level production from the third base position, it thus must follow that they don't need ARod to win the World Series. I hope that didn't make your head explode. If you enjoy faulty logic, moronic blanket statements, cliched infatuation with role players, and blatant misinformation then this article is right up your alley. Today's feature is far from Matthews' first transgression into awful writing, however. Please check out how Ken Tremendous at Fire Joe Morgan has lambasted Matthews' past works much more effectively than I ever could. If you still have respect for Matthews as a sports journalist after reading the above linked articles then I will gladly return your SYHD Insider fee.

The Daly News

After playing golf with a scratched face last weekend, John Daly explained that his wife tried to stab him the previous night while he was sleeping. However, today, we find out that his wife now claims Daly was wasted and tried to sexually assault her. After she rejected his machismo infused advances, she claims that he began to scratch his own face so that it would appear she attacked him. Who are we to believe? Did John Daly pull a Markie Mark from "Fear" and start beating himself to stage an assault? Or did the wife play the "alcoholic" card and use Daly's well-known past drinking problems against him? Either way, I think it is safe to say that Daly is a "scratch" golfer.

Monday, June 11, 2007

The Chamique Holdsclaw era of the WNBA officially over.


Yes, you heard it right. The woman once billed as the female Michael Jordan has announced her retirement, leaving diehard sports fans in stunned silence. I've spent the last 3 hours trying to find something of equal magnitude to compare it to, but there really is just about nothing that has had an equal effect. The only thing that even comes close as far as the effect on the American sports scene as a whole, is when Bip Roberts decided to hang up his cleats. Take from that what you will.

Alternate Sopranos Ending?



Apparently there was more footage shot for that last scene that would have led to a less ambiguous ending. Read the story here.

Genarlow Wilson Free At Last (Almost)

For those of you who are not familiar with the Genarlow Wilson case click here - it's is a great article and is well worth the read. To sum things up, two years ago Genarlow Wilson, a 17 yr old high school football star in Georgia was sentenced to ten years in prison for having consensual sexual relations with a 15 yr old girl with whom he went to high school. The Georgia District Attorney refused to use any prosecutorial discretion in this case and determined to make an example out of Wilson, prosecuted Wilson as a sex offender. Thankfully, the NY Times is reporting that Wilson's sentence and conviction have been overturned, but it looks like the State Attorney General in all his stubborness will appeal this decision. Let's hope that the Attorney General will end this pissing contest and just let Genarlow live his life, afterall Wilson has already spent two years in prison for a crime that has been declassified to a misdemeanor.

Serena Williams in a Bikini

Her thighs are bigger than my torso. Yikes! There is no way she's not a dude.

(Thanks to The Big Lead for the pic)

Bruce Bad to the Bowen



Is Bruce Bowen bad for the NBA? I personally can't fault Bruce Bowen for knowing his limitations and tailoring his game to his strengths. He is a rare commodity in the league- a bonafide defensive stopper who can hit the three. With that being said he will also ultimately make any game he plays in less entertaining and the purpose of professional sports is to be entertaining, so we have a problem. Bowen is constantly guarding the best scorer (and usually most exciting player) on the opposing team, frustrating that player by throwing everything but a hadouken fireball at him. His clutching, grabbing, kicking, and tripping ways neutralize the opposing team's star thus making every game involving him less fun unless of course you are a Spurs fan. Honestly, would you rather watch Kobe have a real shot to light it up for 50 or watch Bowen hack Mamba into a 7-28 shooting night? It would be one thing if Bowen played defense on the up and up, but he is widely considered the dirtiest player to enter the league since Dennis Rodman. My fear is that other NBA teams will try to find their own Bowens and that there will soon be an influx of marginal players who transformed themselves into defensive stoppers and every team will look like Mike Fratello's Cleveland Cavaliers.

Weekend Wrap-up

Spurs of the Moment
The old saying goes, that you're never out of a series until you lose your first game at a home. Well the Cavs haven't had that opportunity yet, but based on the way the Spurs have run Lebron and his band of league average players around the arena during the first two, I'm willing to concede to the Spurs their fourth NBA Championship.

The only real question is whether Bron Bron's 2007 playoff legacy will be determined by his superhuman performance at the end of the Detroit series or the Vince Carter impression he's been doing so far this series. Granted his numbers aren't awful from last night's game, but he did shoot under 50% and had a 1-1 assist/turnover ratio, plus many of his points came in garbage time (which pretty much started after the opening tip). In our stunning "what have you done for me lately" culture, Lebron and his Cavs are going to have to win at least one game or Lebron is going to have to play superb in two close losses, if he wishes to salvage the good vibrations emanating from the conference finals.

Blah-da Bing
*****Spoiler Alert*****

So the series finale of the Sopranos has come and gone with barely a whimper as to how the lives of America's favorite fictional Italian-American family will be resolved. I really wanted lecture everyone on how brilliant the episode was and how those looking for blood and resolution aren't real fans and that the show ended in a fittingly artistic manner (a final scene both Rockwellian and Orwellian), but even the ardent contrarian in me can't do it. The ending was either David Chase's passive aggressive FU to the fans who wanted closure and/or a blood bath or it was nothing but an extended trailer for a potential movie (which all participants deny at this point). My biggest gripe with the episode was not the ending, but rather that the finale was almost completely devoid of suspense. The potential war with the NY factions was diffused way too easily. I understand that Chase wanted to avoid a cliched Scarface last man standing type confrontation, but a NY-NJ war would have been engaging television and would have kept the "will he or won't he get whacked" suspense going throughout the entire episode. Instead no character's fate was ever in question until the last scene, which was suspenseful, but was so over the top suspenseful that you just knew the scene was full of red herrings (and I'm not referring to Red Herring, whom Fred blamed for every crime in"A Pup Named Scooby Doo."). After all, most hits in the show had been telegraphed. You almost always knew when a hit was coming, the only question was whether or not it would be successful. If Tony and/or his family were shot in that diner by unknown assailants, it would have defied the rhyme and reason of the plot leading to that point and would have left the audience with just as many questions as the actual ending did. It would have been a swerve for the sake of having a swerve and that's just not good writing.

I think Chase kind of painted himself into a corner with how to end the show. He always saw his work on a higher plane than other TV shows so he couldn't just write an ending that Joe Averagefan could predict, but when you go for something high concept you're going to get a lot of people who feel betrayed by the ending. But hey, at least he didn't wake up as Kevin Finnerty.

P.S. I think I'm in love with AJ's gf Rhiannon. How does that sniveling emotionfest pull that?! Makes me want to throw a bag over my head, strap a cinder block to leg, and jump into my pool.

America Spurned













If Tim Duncan banks in an 18 foot jump shot and nobody is watching does it make a sound? While most Americans are waking up today and wondering what the hell exactly happened to Tony, Meadow, Carmela, and Anthony Jr. (way to stay true to your form and bug the shit out of everybody Mr. Chase), they m0st assuredly either flipped over to the game at halftime, saw the Spurs up 58 points and went to bed, or woke up this morning and heard about the excruciatingly predictable outcome on the tv/radio/internet.

And if there is one thing we have become accustomed to with this present Spurs team besides the constant whining, flopping, and bitching; its predictability. Now don't get me wrong, the Spurs are a fantastic team- boasting a suffocating defense, mastermind coach, and one of the greatest centers of all time (he is not a power forward contrary to popular opinion). Unfortunately, their continued methodical, emotionless excellence has sucked the life out of a playoffs that began with so much promise and produced some of the lowest NBA finals ratings in league history. If David Stern doesn't act soon, the Spurs are going to take the NBA back to its irrelevant pre-MJ,Bird, Magic days and make Gary Bettman's duels with Mama and her family seem minor.

Below is just a sampling of how Tony, Manu, and the boys are sucking the life (and Nielsen ratings) out of the league:
1. Tim Duncan ends referee Joey Crawford's career, thus scaring the shit out of every other ref to make a controversial call when it counts.
2. Manu Ginobli successfully turning the NBA playoffs into the English Premier League with his combination of flailing, falling, and moaning (seriously, I think one of the refs gave Drew Gooden a red card in game 1).
3. Robert Horry's "shove heard round the world", robbing the Phoenix Suns and NBA fans of what should have been the best series in the playoffs and a game 7 for the ages.
4. San Antonio's small market status coupled with the lack of any intriguing story lines has Mike Breen and Jeff Van Gundy talking about Lebron James every 8 seconds.
5. The last time I checked, holding, pulling, nut-kneeing, and Achilles kicking are still fouls in the NBA rule book.
6. Tony Parker is French.
7. The Big Fundamental has the personality and of a lobotomized Tiger Woods (for god sakes Timmy this is entertainment after all!).

And while I can think of a thousand more reasons, this column is already too long, so I'll stop there. But I do have one last parting note for the current Commissioner: if your so called chosen one and savior of the league cant get viewers to care and save this ratings atrocity, then who will? The Spurs must be stopped Mr. Stern. After all, the NBA is a business, and business is not good. If you are as all-powerful and all-knowing as you convey yourself to be to the American public, I'm expecting a horse's head in Greg Poppovich's bed in mid-August, followed by Tim Duncan traded to the Big Apple for Jerome James, Malik Rose, and Renaldo Balkman's weave. Get it done commissioner.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Nightly Wrestling Haiku


Joel Gertner is the
Quintessential studmuffin,
Even with neck brace.

Today in Sports

Millions watched as small men rode on the backs of horses. A middle aged man made his first start of the year. And Major League teams won a bunch of exhibition games against some farm clubs (or was that interleague play).

Friday, June 8, 2007

Nightly Wrestling Haiku



Urinating on

A flight attendant. Oh Lord,

A royal disgrace!

Its official: the NBA can't get out of its own way.


Just when you thought Lebron James would help the NBA make a John Travolta-esque comeback, bringing the casual fan back into the fold, its looking more like Warrant's "Dog Eat Dog" tour. We were expecting the continued emergence of the 21st century MJ, but Lebron looked more like the guy playing AGAINST Teen Wolf than the other way around. What we had was a non-competitive contest, and a very low-scoring affair, exactly what no one wants.


People are sick of the Spurs. Or even worse, bored stiff of them. They're whiny, and, at times, dull. Tim Duncan is arguably the best player of the past decade, but generates NO interest from casual fans. Lebron probably does.


At least the NBA has it together when it comes to one thing - scheduling. There's no better time to have game 2 than Sunday night, against the final episode EVER of the Sopranos. Why would anyone want to watch a game Saturday night, or Sunday afternoon, or even Sunday at 6? People want to skip watching the most popular cable show in history to watch Spurs/Cavs. And i'm sure most people agree that they love watching games until midnight or later on weeknights, even though they can easily be put on earlier in the evening. This is what people want - they want to be exhausted the next day for work.


I still love watching you, basketball. I'll be there for the rest of the series, (except game 2, why in the world would anyone watch freakin' game 2?). Lets hope things improve, because Lebron has the key to the future.

I Hate To Kick a Man When He is Down...



Actually I don't, so here we go. I heard on the radio that the ratings for Game 2 of the Stanley Cup Finals were lower than 20-yr old reruns of "Mama's Family" on the ion network. Maybe the Rangers should sign Vicky Lawrence. Is being outdrawn by a 1980's sitcom rerun that wasn't even that popular in the first place the definition of cultural irrelevance? Also, it's not like the ion network is TBS or USA- cable networks that draw legit numbers. Though it is sandwiched between NBC and CBS on my cable provider, I cannot speak for its placement on other services. Granted the Versus network is somewhere from impossible to hard to find on most cable boxes, but there has to be more NHL fans than "Mama's Family" fans out there, doesn't there? I've met at least two hockey fans in my life, I can't say the same for "Mama's Family." In fact, that show stinks. Back when I was younger I would watch just about anything on TV (I think I've seen every episode of "Out of This World") but I remember my inner-Phil Mushnick not being able to stomach a nasally, twangy, faux-aged Lawrence and her hick family. Gary Bettman, you have some work to do.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Nightly Wrestling Haiku




Your face in Nasty

Boy's underarm. No race cars

In this foul pit stop.

My Suicide Note

Sure I should be grateful that I am not wanting for food, clothing, or shelter, that I was raised by loving parents, and that I'm a relatively healthy young man. But when I turn on Access Hollywood and watch George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, and Don Cheadle being interviewed together on a yacht, I want to kill myself. Seeing four of the coolest guys on Earth hanging out, telling mildly embarrassing stories about one another, and displaying wit becoming of movie stars was depressing.
The fact that they deserve their success irritates me even more. Had it been Josh Hartnett, Marlon Wayans, Vin Diesel, and Paul Walker on that yacht, I would have been indignant at the injustice of the universe. Oddly, I would be somewhat comfortable with that. Instead I'm just envious of the "Oceans" fellas. Those guys are just way better at life than me.

Kevin Durant: Still the Best Player in the Draft

Kevin Durant will be in a lot of trouble if anyone bigger than Allen Iverson passes away and falls on top of his chest, with nobody else in the room. Other than said implausible situation, I can't foresee a scenario in which Durant's inability to bench press 185 pounds will negatively affect his career. He will be a 30 point scorer, by his third NBA season, at the latest. NOBODY has ever combined his length, handle, quickness, jumpshot, competitive spirit, and overall feel for the game.